the artist's way

For years I practiced one of the principals of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron.  When I would get up in the morning I would write three pages of long hand about anything that came into my head.  I could write help if that was in my head, for three pages. 

Tonight while cleaning out my church office I found a notebook I had written back in 2007 and started to read it.  I was amazed with what clarity I could see things...every time Mark was mentioned I talked about how he hurt my feelings with his comments.  I should have taken the time to go back and re-read it  back in 2008.   It would have saved me real heartache. 

It starts:
Yesterday on Oprah it asked us to use 5 words to describe our marriage.  I would have to say words that aren't real romantic but are probably healthy.(WRONG)
safe: we are safe with each other-I can rely on Mac for anything and I hope he knows he can do the same.

loving: our love sometimes may not be clear to others but if you spend any time around us you know the small touches and stolen pecks are signs of a deep love.  This is a 50 year marriage. (Boy was I a fool!)

strong: Family is so important to both of us..we feel great loyalty and love with family and that only makes us stronger. (oh, please...talk about dysfunctional family!)

loyal: (You will love this one...after the fact!)  I have NO doubt that my hubby would ever cheat on me.  I tease him unmercifully but I know he is true blue and it would totally shock me (yes it did) if anyone told me Mark McHenry was messing around.

supportive:  He truly is of me.
OH PLEASE!!
So, what la la land was I living in?  I go on to talk about the cup half full and half empty...I could talk about the negative in our relationship but it is the positive that is so important...

Boy are there hidden sub tones in this bunch of crap.  half empty it was! but I didn't want to see it...I guess there are always tell-tale signs about a relationship.  Girls, take my advice and look...save yourself the grief...I know there is positive from this...I have met a really nice guy...I see my boys healing daily...please don't let that glass be half full again!  Let me go into all of it with my eyes wide open...none of this la la stuff...and watch for the signs that are right in front of me. Poor guy doesn't know what he is getting into!!