lamentations II

Lament II

Lord I am in pain and don't think it will ever leave me.
Lord why have you allowed this to happen to me?
Lord why have you allowed this pain and sorrow to enter my life?
I have tried to be your servant.
I have tried to live my life for you.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why are there so many tears?
Why did you take my best friend?
Why did you take my soul?
Why did you allow this to happen? to me? to my boys?
Why did Satan win?  Why did Mark turn to Satan and not you?
Why didn't you listen to my prayers? Why did you not open your heart to me?
I trust you Lord.  I know with you mountains can move.
With you a life can turn around.
God I put all my trust in you.
God I give my life to you.
In your ways I will walk. 
I will denounce all things Satan.
I will step away knowing you have my best interest.
My ears are open to your voice.
I will tell everyone what you have done for me.
I will serve you.
I love you Lord, now and forever.

some nights are just nights of tears.

lamentations...woe is me

I am taking a Disciple bible study class right now...I feel the need for some teaching!  So what is the first thing I read...Lamentations...and I think I've had it bad...it can always be worse! That "woe is me" by the Jewish people as they are led off to Babylonia...they had it so good...what happened...why didn't they listen?

You know it is always someone else's fault...we hate to think or admit we may have done anything wrong!  But we do...and do we have prophets today to tell us?  One of my worst faults is covering all of my bases...
my daily horoscopes...I always laugh and say "it's just a parlor game".  But just like in lamentations...the Jews are told again and again about false Gods.   But it is just my daily reading...or my tarot cards..it's online...it's nothing...but it is...it creates this little seed of doubt...this thinking of maybe it is correct maybe it is all about fate...maybe it's in the cards...God who??

Several weeks before I found out about Mark's affair, we were playing our parlor game at work...and I was told "someone is having an affair"...I was dumbfounded and (I am sorry Becky) thought I knew my husband was having an affair with his friend Becky...well he was but not with her...but do you see...because it was true I believed maybe I could rely on these cards for my answers.

I must confess...I have been to a psychic several times and have even talked friends into going with me...what is that about...and I could see answers in her predictions...just the other day I found a printout of our session and thought look at that...so much of it is true...If I were God I would be totally pissed at Kim McHenry!!

I know what God expects of me and false Gods is not it...I asked the psychic one time about her feelings on God and if this goes against all we are told by him and she quoted scripture to me...but doesn't the bible say false God's can do that?

When my  troubles began I looked at what I had done lately searching for a reason...just like those Jews in the book of Lamentations....woe is me...why me...well God had plenty of reason...but I know my God doesn't punish me...I do plenty of that on my own...I have free will...I make choices...I like to cover all of my bases just in case God isn't what I think he is.

I had a kid one time ask me...do you actually believe all this stuff about God...yes I do..why don't I act like it...I don't walk the talk I talk...it is a daily struggle...every day I have to make the God choice and that isn't easy...WOE IS ME...  I will lament and I will keep struggling...