expectations

I told you all about my reunion with sorority sisters.

Well, my roomie and I sat up late the first night swapping divorce stories.
She made the comment (as did another friend over the weekend), we were expected to marry the guy
we were dating when we left college.  We didn't get the chance to experience different men in different dating situations.  I started to object to that thought.  I was an independent woman who did choose what I wanted  and then I realized ...No, she was right.

Wait, it was the 70's...it was women's lib...it was women going to work in a man's world.  WHAT!
I was free...it was an age of sexual freedom...I lived with Mac before I married him...in quiet of course...we could have saved our parents lots of money...but I did marry him because it was expected of me.

What a revelation to me! I wasn't as liberated as I thought...then I continued to think...was it our mothers that expected it of us and we were good little girls and did it?  Did we allow ourselves to be led there by mom? I don't know the answer.

Well guess what...it isn't that way any more...I am looking and experiencing.  I know what I want in a man...sometime I am sure I will share it!  Once again, I turn to books as I try to figure out what I really want and expect in a man and in a partner.  This time there will be no settling...this time I will get it right.

There are red flags early on in a relationship.  When Mac left me standing in Ritter park because I said something he didn't like and drove off in MY car only to brag about it later...I should have known how selfish he was...RED FLAG...this time I will take note of those flags! I will listen to my heart and intuition. I will not marry because it is expected.

I can't believe I am finally at that point where I am thinking along these lines...I guess you can tell I am slowly coming back to life.

It isn't easy at 55 and sometimes I wonder if I even want to but I loved being married and being with a man.  I enjoy the company of men. I want a partnership...where two people bring all the good they have together to make a union.

I am printing up those checklists and will start sharpening my pencil!!