525,600 minutes

This is a song from the Broadway musical "Rent".  One of my all time favorites.  Zack sang this song at his Christmas program this year.  He and I had major discussions about how do you measure a year.  All that happens in the course of a year. 

One year ago today I went to court and in the stroke of a pen my 32 year marriage was over.  Mark didn't even show up.  That told me what I meant to him.  My son Nick went with me. 

So 525,600 minutes...how do you measure, measure a year?
In day light
In moon light
In nights when there is no sleep
At the beach
In the mountains
with family
with friends
on road trips with mom
on the other coast with family
in sunsets on my back porch with a glass of wine
in quiet
in lots of kid laughter!
in watching stars on my back porch
in searching for constellations
in hugging puppies
in crying in fur
in puppy kisses
in youth mission trips
in youth overnights and long talks
riding bikes with the kids
riding a roller coaster of emotions
in early morning cups of tea
in sleepovers
in sleigh riding off the roof
in hot cocoa on cold days
in baby steps taken and in major miles jumped
in many tears..........many tears and more tears
many cursing tirades
in hatred
in bitterness
in betrayal
in learning truths
in burning bridges
in faith
in church
in friends
in acquaintances
in work family
in new family additions
in baby smells and coos
in family long talks
in Jennifer wine nights
in new holiday traditions
in the power of prayer
in dreams and wishes
in comfort
in making my home mine
in dirt poor and paydays!
in lost hope and found hope
in God found and God walks
in the dark face of fear
in meeting God face to face
in strength and maturity
in maturity of boys into men
in ocean breezes
in art and creating
in a sense of who I am
in realizing my potential
in the sneak peak of a new life
in dreams
in new hopes


The song is called "Seasons of Love"  and this past year has been a season of love for me.  I have found it in so many places and in so many ways and I know and praise God that he is in the midst of it all.  I see his signature on all of it and feel him present.  I am blessed beyond all belief and am humbled by that thought.  I wish for each of you a "Season of Love"
Amen and Amen

victim no more

I am soooooo lazy today...I went and walked this morning but just can NOT get moving...

Today I thought I would talk about being a victim...you know as you go through a divorce you want folks to feel sorry for you.  I am the one that was done wrong.  I am the only one hurting.  I have been betrayed.  When folks find out about it they fawn over you....poor lil Kim....and for awhile it feels pretty good and sort of feeds into the ego...but then there comes a time when you get mad and you are really tired of being the victim.

I remember saying to my counselor Tom, "I am tired of being the victim" and his response was....
"about time, now what are you going to do with the rest of your life"...wow...I had to plan ahead and think ahead.  I had to think past this life changing event and think into the future.  What did I want to do.  It had been a LOOOOONG time since I had set goals for myself.  He made me make a list and do one thing from that list.  I picked stained glass...that's another story!

Have you asked yourself that question lately? What do you want to do with the rest of your life.  I have always known God had a plan for me.  I used to laugh and say if I had listened to God all along it would have taken me less time to get to his plan...but I eventually ended up there.  So not only did I have to think what I wanted for myself (and only myself...this is the one time it is OK to be selfish) I had to ask what God wanted from me, too. 

Remember those voices...every time I would ask God..."What do you want from me?"...he would say "You'll know"...I don't know what it is yet....but I am still listening...I know what I want for myself...something to do with book stores, out west, artsy fartsy town, and family.  Is that God's plan? I will know....when it does or doesn't happen but right now I like the feel of dreaming, setting goals and planning.  It makes me feel alive.

Goals for myself this year...continue getting in shape, exercise more, take more risks!, go rappelling, learn to  kayak and enjoy myself!  All the while listening...for that tiny voice..."You'll know"  God you do have a sense of humor don't you!!!