victim no more

I am soooooo lazy today...I went and walked this morning but just can NOT get moving...

Today I thought I would talk about being a victim...you know as you go through a divorce you want folks to feel sorry for you.  I am the one that was done wrong.  I am the only one hurting.  I have been betrayed.  When folks find out about it they fawn over you....poor lil Kim....and for awhile it feels pretty good and sort of feeds into the ego...but then there comes a time when you get mad and you are really tired of being the victim.

I remember saying to my counselor Tom, "I am tired of being the victim" and his response was....
"about time, now what are you going to do with the rest of your life"...wow...I had to plan ahead and think ahead.  I had to think past this life changing event and think into the future.  What did I want to do.  It had been a LOOOOONG time since I had set goals for myself.  He made me make a list and do one thing from that list.  I picked stained glass...that's another story!

Have you asked yourself that question lately? What do you want to do with the rest of your life.  I have always known God had a plan for me.  I used to laugh and say if I had listened to God all along it would have taken me less time to get to his plan...but I eventually ended up there.  So not only did I have to think what I wanted for myself (and only myself...this is the one time it is OK to be selfish) I had to ask what God wanted from me, too. 

Remember those voices...every time I would ask God..."What do you want from me?"...he would say "You'll know"...I don't know what it is yet....but I am still listening...I know what I want for myself...something to do with book stores, out west, artsy fartsy town, and family.  Is that God's plan? I will know....when it does or doesn't happen but right now I like the feel of dreaming, setting goals and planning.  It makes me feel alive.

Goals for myself this year...continue getting in shape, exercise more, take more risks!, go rappelling, learn to  kayak and enjoy myself!  All the while listening...for that tiny voice..."You'll know"  God you do have a sense of humor don't you!!!