the lady in black

My youngest son, Justin was a big Johnny Cash fan and I was always fascinated why Johnny was called "The Man in Black".  Of course I had some big made-up story but the truth was as follows:

 He wore black for the poor and the beaten down, the prisoner who has long paid for his crime, for those who never read or listened to the words that Jesus said. For the sick and lonely, in mournin' for the lives that could have been. For the thousands who have died, believen' that the Lord was on their side. I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, and tell the world that every thing's OK, but I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, Til things are brighter, I'm the Man in Black.

Until the wrongs of the world are righted.

I used to wear black all of the time.  I wore it because I thought it made me look smaller.  Weight and I have always had a battle.   I was never heavy until after I had my kids and then the battle started...I was a yo yo dieter...up and down...I was at my highest right before the divorce.  I always said Mark loved me more when I was skinnier and that was the first question I asked him about Kathy.  Is she skinny...of course she was.  Which shot my self-esteem all to hell.

Divorce is the best diet there is.  I couldn't eat for months because I would get physically sick.  I threw up.  I could not eat.  I lost a total of 75 pounds.   In the past year I have slowly put some back on, but as my boys told me...it was healthy weight as I started to eat again.  I also exercised three times a week... right after Mark leaving and just for something to do.  In my Zumba class there were four of us going through divorces.  So we talked.

As I lost weight the color came back into my wardrobe.  The bright colors that I have always loved.  The fuchsia...oranges and teals.  I do love color and brighter the better. Not tacky though some might not agree.  I sometimes wonder if psychologically I was wearing black as a statement of what my life was like without actually expressing what I was feeling...maybe my choice of clothes was an outward sign of the sadness in my life...and I didn't even know it.

You can't feel bad about yourself when you know you are looking good!!
Keep healthy and stay fit.  Feel good!
My rainbow on my back says everything is good and getting better all the time!