kids are always kids

So, (that is a joke based on yesterday's post!)
As I've said before... my kids are older...they are men...but they will always be my kids...I was thinking today as I passed their old elementary school...I used to know EVERYTHING about them...what time they got up in the morning, who went to bed first, who walked home from school, what time they would catch the bus...I was thinking...Mark never knew that stuff...those are questions I am going to ask the next man...if he knows that kind of thing about his kids...then I will know he was involved with them and was close.

My youngest son right now is hurting...he has been laid off from his job...he is a new dad...and a new homeowner...as much as I give him my cheerleader speeches...the ones about take this time to enjoy your new daughter, you are saving on day care expenses, take the time to find the job you love...I know he is rolling his eyes and saying "thanks mom" but deep down he is worried....He is like his father in that respect...both of my boys are...they are worriers about money...and things...they worry.

Just this weekend the scripture at church was the famous Matthew scripture that talks about worry:
 "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26)

I have always said I am not a worrier but there are times the fear consumes me...I get this feeling that comes over me of pure panic and fear of being alone... of loneliness...I always believed Mac and I would be together forever...and I panic thinking that isn't there anymore...that I will be alone when I hurt, when I am sick and when I have to make life decisions.

I understand how God hurts when we hurt...when his children hurt he feels the sorrow and the pain...because I feel the pain of my boys...I feel their pain during this terrible time...their confusion with their feelings about their father...I wish I could make it better for them...I can't...When we suffer... God suffers...he hurts with us and for us.

If God is a good father...which he is...he knows all of those things about me...like I know about my boys...he knows my pain and my suffering...and he hurts with me...just like I do with my boys...
What a good father he is...