holy days

This week we head into holy week.
This is one of the most special weeks in the Christian calendar as we prepare for the greatest gift of all time.
John 3:16 comes to life.  For God so loved the world that he gave his holy son.  Whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

This is the week Jesus turns his face toward Jerusalem and knows what is coming.
This is the week he will stand before Pontius Pilot
This is the week he will ride triumphantly into the city to shouts of "Hosanna" (means "Save Us")
This is the week he prays that God take this cup from him
This is the week his friends betray him
This is the week he suffers
This is the week that prepared him to understand all of our suffering.
This is why he understands my pain.
This is why he understands my sorrow.
He has been where I stood this past year.  He felt what I feel...the suffering, betrayal, hurt..he has felt it.  He gets it.  He gets me all because of this holy week.

I always take time during this week to spend time with Christ and to walk the walk with him.
I find a stations of the cross and walk the walk of Holy Week.  It is a busy week of services but it is also a week to feel and react.
Think about all that was given this week for you....because of love.
Because God so love the world.
Because God so loved Kim.
Because God so loved you.

God grieves with us

I turned on my  television this morning and Joyce Meyer was on...I love her...she is so blunt and down to earth...and you can understand and relate to her message.

This morning it was forgiveness.  How appropriate after yesterday's tirade..She talked about Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers who eventually came to him for their survival.  After this he lived for 110 years...After tragedy he had a long and prosperous life.  This story proves there is life after tragedy...there are many stories in the bible, Job, Jacob where tragedy leads to a long and prosperous life.  She said this morning God will use the evil that happens to us to help us grow and develop in him.  Wow... I know in my heart I have grown...I know I've grown closer to God. Something else I read this week confirms this by saying, We lose closeness to God when there is no sorrow in our life.  I do know  during this tragedy I feel like I know God inside and out and he knows me the same way.  When the suffering ends will we still be this close?

Every day I have Mark and Kathy and their families on my prayer list and I grudgingly pray for them to find peace.  I think grudgingly is the key word here.  Joyce this morning says pray about the stuff you don't want to pray about.  If you don't want to pray about it...you need to...Maybe I better take those grudge prayers and make them true prayers.

Hating is hard work.  It takes a lot of our energy.  I know that and most days are good, most days I am happy and realize this is a good thing and I look forward to my future and all it will bring...but sometimes the hatred just comes...out of the blue and for no reason....and I am drained following...when you give the devil a foothold he grabs on, doesn't he.

I think about God grieving with me...he doesn't want bad things to happen to us but when they do he is with us and he grieves, too.  He grieved for the lose of those two marriages and the covenant of both said in his presence.  He grieves for the four grown children that were affected and their families...he grieves for the three small grandchildren that know something is wrong and their security and life has changed.  God accepts the grief and joins us in it.  But this is the good thing...he also transforms that grief and from it comes peace, kindness and something beautiful...I am looking forward to that time but for now I will find peace in knowing God is grieving with me.

my boys

I can not say enough about my boys...through this whole ordeal they have been the adults...I always say I must have done something right or they raised me right I'm not sure which...I had a God moment with my son Nick.  In April of 2009 he came to my husband and I and told us he had the opportunity to take a job in the state of Washington and wanted to know what to do.  He was struggling and wanted our advice.  I am a person who has always believed in bettering yourself and understand the drive he has to do so but also knew he didn't want to leave family.  In the end he turned down the job and kicked himself for it for months...he just felt the time wasn't right.  Four months later my marriage fell apart and he and Jennifer became my rocks.  When I didn't show up at work Jennifer would come over, check on me, turned on those bedroom lights and brought me food...late at night on those bad nights Nick would show up out of the blue.  I could not have survived without their love and support.  Nick always says "I know now why I didn't go to Washington."  Last year, out of the blue the man he had contact with in Washington called him and said...would you think about the job again? We've had one open up...I said "Go" you have been a good son and you are being rewarded...this summer (2010) he and the family had the opportunity to go to Washington .  The kids got to experience it and they found they could live there.  I am excited for this move and once again see God's hand in all of it.  Nick has been blessed for the good deed he did for me...for being a good son.
Remember what God told me in that Kroger parking lot...you are blessed for the good deeds you do...
I  tell the grandkids they can't get rid of me that easily...I will be a perminant fixture by visiting often...I love Walla Walla...and look forward to what the future brings...

the blessing

After that ah ha moment...my friend Lora said to me...you have to find that blessing...and as you know you can find anything on the web.  So I started searching...remember the only word I remembered was something that sounded like Marakesh (as a kid of the 70's sounded like "Marakesh Express") so I went looking for anything that was close. What did I find? A blessing for a troubled heart....was that on target or what? I was blessed by the Lord or my special guardian angel...either way...I'll take it!!

The phone call

After finding out about my marriage I took a 2 month leave of absence from my position as a youth director at Cross Lanes United Methodist Church.  One of the hardest things for me to do was walk back into a church...i couldn't walk back in the front doors for some reason...I felt dirty, used and just sad.  I had a great friend in Lora who took over my duties for me and she and the kids would constantly send me cards but I could not get up the courage to go in the doors.  One night I received a call from one of the youth, Evan, that asked me to come to a youth event several Friday nights in the future.  Only because of that call did I walk back into my church.  It was my first step toward recovery...between the time of his call and my return I found out my husband had not quit seeing his girlfriend as he professed, my youngest son got married amid the turmoil and I asked my husband to leave our house...what trauma.  That call was imperative...sometimes we are called to do something and we don't act on it...We hear a voice that says send so and so a note or call someone.  I am here to say DO IT...you never know the impact your action may have on that person.  Evan and I've had several emotional conversations about the call he made and the impact it had on my life. By returning to church I was wrapped in the love of the congregation and youth and given the strength I needed to survive this ordeal.  God is good all the time.  Thank you Evan!

not about me

This is not about my ex...this is not about me...it could be juicy if it was...but...this is about God and how I saw him through this journey I have taken.  It has been 1 year since my divorce but 1 and a half years since I found out that my husband was having an affair.  The pain is so intense, the pain is constant...I don't think I could ever describe in words how it makes you feel. Drop to your knees and pray you do...and trusting God is the toughest thing...all of the trust you had has just been blown out of the water.. at first you feel how could God let this happen to me? I am doing what he has called me to do...I thought...but as you come through the darkness and out the other side you realize God was with you throughout this journey. The poem about footprints is so true because there were times he carried me...and held me as I cried and kicked my butt when it needed to be kicked...I laugh when I envision God giving me a good talking to!! I now know he has quite a sense of humor too...oh the little dog he brought to me...and a male dog to boot!...i will later talk about Joan of Arcadia and our summer youth Sunday school but there are times when God hugs Joan during tough times...and that is how I felt many times God's touch and God's hug...his love is unconditional and undeserved...but we get it anyway! That is a yea God!!