There is one good thing about divorce. It is the best diet there is! You just stop eating. It isn't important. I lost 70 pounds in the course of 4 months... Then I started coming around and back to life and started back into the same old habits BUT realized what was happening and said...whoa...and I am now back to the same weight I was following the divorce.
I now eat healthy. Today ,out of the blue, I ate a Tudor's biscuit at breakfast and was violently sick following. So, I guess I am realizing I can't go back to eating how I used to. It just won't work for me. If you look in my fridge you find fruit, veggies, and free range chicken eggs courtesy of a work colleague. At a recent check-up my family doc said she could tell I was healthy because my blood work was so spot on. Yippee! Physically I feel better than I ever have and definitely better than I've felt in the past 20 years. I still plan on losing 20 more pounds and am working on it every day.
Physical exercise played such a role in the early days of the discovery. I had such pent up energy and emotion that I needed to get rid of and for me that was lots of walking and zumba. I still try and do zumba at least once a week. I have an elliptical machine and treadmill that I try to use on a daily basis.
All of this is a complete turn from where I was when I found out about Mark's affair. One of the first questions I asked him was his new lover skinny. To which he replied "Yes". I was crushed. I was the heaviest I had ever been. I couldn't walk up a hill without shortness of breath and we would laugh because I had to do a roll to get out of the bath. I now know what he was really laughing at. This was one of the most hurtful things he did to me. The comments about me physically. Lots of therapy has helped me realize there was nothing I could do that would ever make him love me. I've read enough to know Satan is in residence and keeping his head full of all the wrongs of Kim.
I am thankful for the blessing of divorce. I no longer have to listen to those constant critiques. I can now be right once and awhile. I am a good person and I know that. I tried throughout this divorce to always take the upper road and think I have handled it with some grace. My pastor told me I would be able to teach the young people I work with how to handle a really tough situation with love and grace and trust and faith in God and I strive to do just that. To give my boys the face of a person who has been torn apart and pulled themselves up and taken charge of their own destiny. I hope they know their part in this large step forward for me.
So, see there is an up side to divorce even if I don't recommend it. Just try a diet!
Friday, April 29, 2011
daughter-in-laws
I am writing this while I am up watching the royal wedding. To all you nay sayers out there...I stick out my tounge! What a beautiful ceremony and witness. I cried when I listened to the words of the ceremony. The covenant between God and two people. It is ordained by God never to be broken by man. I loved they referenced Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding. I love how the two boys of Diana stood side by side and know there is no prouder moment for a mother than when her sons stand up for each other at this time. When she looks upon them and knows she did something right. The love she feels at that moment is overwhelming!
Weddings bring into the family of the groom the blessing of daughter-in-laws. What a blessing they are. I have welcomed two wonderful women into this family of men! They have blessed us with two more young ladies into the family with two wonderful granddaughters. These women have held me up these past two years. They have held me as I cried and they have comforted me. They have felt indignant for me against those who betrayed me and have become the leaders of this family as the older generation fell apart. They are so strong and they rule their two families with such grace and love. They love, care and gift for my precious sons.
A marriage teaches us of God's love as it is God's love on earth. As a mother I am overwhelmed at the love I feel for Jennifer and Sarah, not born of me but gifted to me. The daughters I did not have. You are so special to me. I love you both, forever. This is a joyful day! A day of hope and love! God is smiling on us every day as we live in his love.
Blessings!
Weddings bring into the family of the groom the blessing of daughter-in-laws. What a blessing they are. I have welcomed two wonderful women into this family of men! They have blessed us with two more young ladies into the family with two wonderful granddaughters. These women have held me up these past two years. They have held me as I cried and they have comforted me. They have felt indignant for me against those who betrayed me and have become the leaders of this family as the older generation fell apart. They are so strong and they rule their two families with such grace and love. They love, care and gift for my precious sons.
A marriage teaches us of God's love as it is God's love on earth. As a mother I am overwhelmed at the love I feel for Jennifer and Sarah, not born of me but gifted to me. The daughters I did not have. You are so special to me. I love you both, forever. This is a joyful day! A day of hope and love! God is smiling on us every day as we live in his love.
Blessings!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
in the course of a lifetime
About ten years ago I was the children's director at the church where I now serve as the youth director. As the children's director I had a mother/daughter book club. What is so funnyis... the mother's that were in the club now make up half of the current book club at church minus the daughters!
Some of the best books I ever read, I read with them. The Giver is and always will be an all time favorite. Walk Two Moons was another favorite. From that book I got quotes I still use today. "In the course of a lifetime what does it matter?" I love that...it makes me realize, what I worry about today won't make a hill of beans in only a day or two. It won't matter down the road and I probably won't even remember it. I don't think the divorce or heartbreak fit into this catagory. I will always remember that and it will matter a lifetime from now. But other insignificant things...no way...
Other quotes from the book I loved were:
"Sometimes you know in your heart you love someone, but you have to go away before your head can figure it out."
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
"What I have since realized is that if people expect you to be brave, sometimes you pretend that you are, even when you are frightened down to your very bones. "
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
"You can't keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair."
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
Oh, the inspiration we can get from children's books. How long has it been since you read that book you LOVED as a child or young adult. I loved those Nancy Drew books!
You need to check it out again. See how it reads now.
Does it still make you dream dreams?
Some of the best books I ever read, I read with them. The Giver is and always will be an all time favorite. Walk Two Moons was another favorite. From that book I got quotes I still use today. "In the course of a lifetime what does it matter?" I love that...it makes me realize, what I worry about today won't make a hill of beans in only a day or two. It won't matter down the road and I probably won't even remember it. I don't think the divorce or heartbreak fit into this catagory. I will always remember that and it will matter a lifetime from now. But other insignificant things...no way...
Other quotes from the book I loved were:
"Sometimes you know in your heart you love someone, but you have to go away before your head can figure it out."
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
"What I have since realized is that if people expect you to be brave, sometimes you pretend that you are, even when you are frightened down to your very bones. "
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
"You can't keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair."
— Sharon Creech (Walk Two Moons)
Oh, the inspiration we can get from children's books. How long has it been since you read that book you LOVED as a child or young adult. I loved those Nancy Drew books!
You need to check it out again. See how it reads now.
Does it still make you dream dreams?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
a snake
The grand kids have this little green plastic snake. It lives at my house. I don't think they purposefully hide it but it has a way of showing up in the strangest places and at the strangest times. Last weekend I was cleaning my kitchen moved a salt shaker that has not been moved for a very long time and jumped back...there it was!
I really like snakes so I think they get a bad rap from most people. Most people are scared to death of them. We (I always have to catch myself and say I) I have a black snake that lives in the front of my house. It is rather big and I know it is there. We saw it once, and I've seen the snake skin and it for a fleeting second one evening. I also have a water snake that lives in the creek behind the house. The kids and I will walk down on summer evenings and see if we can see him. He hangs in the same spot. We don't bother him and we just watch each other.
I always relate snakes and sin. That garden of Eden thing. Sin is like that little green plastic snake. When you least expect it. It just shows up. It surprises you. It comes out of nowhere. It is sort of scary. You watch it and it watches you. It is usually fun. (for the moment)
So watch for that sinful snake hiding waiting to strike. When you least expect it.
I really like snakes so I think they get a bad rap from most people. Most people are scared to death of them. We (I always have to catch myself and say I) I have a black snake that lives in the front of my house. It is rather big and I know it is there. We saw it once, and I've seen the snake skin and it for a fleeting second one evening. I also have a water snake that lives in the creek behind the house. The kids and I will walk down on summer evenings and see if we can see him. He hangs in the same spot. We don't bother him and we just watch each other.
I always relate snakes and sin. That garden of Eden thing. Sin is like that little green plastic snake. When you least expect it. It just shows up. It surprises you. It comes out of nowhere. It is sort of scary. You watch it and it watches you. It is usually fun. (for the moment)
So watch for that sinful snake hiding waiting to strike. When you least expect it.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
What was that?
Yesterday we began the week-long process of setting up for the youth flea market at church. What a time we have. Any youth that misses this opportunity misses out on a whole lot of fun! Every year there is some piece of clothing or some article that becomes the icon of setting up. One year it was a boob hat (who would have thought that some older gent at the church wore that around! A hat that had two Styrofoam boobs sticking out the front! I know who got it!) handcuffs (I know who gave us those! I know who got those, too) scooters, the list goes on and on.
The most fun thing is trying on anything and everything that suits our fancy! We don't care what we look like or who sees. It is definitely a time of no inhibitions! All is fair game. Last night one of the girls found a pair of thigh-highs that were fishnet and it went from there. I think she ended up taking them home with her and I don't doubt they will be worn this week! (her mom will die but she is a free spirit!)
We laugh so much...everyone laughs!! Everyone!! Unpacking is like Christmas...you never know what you will find. Sometimes it is waaaay too personal...I don't want to know you wear "THAT" to bed with hubby!
I love these times when we bond with the youth. I laugh because the youth know me too well...they've seen me in no make up, hair screaming off my head, when I climb out of bed in the morning. They know I snore. They know I fall asleep immediately and what they can do when that happens. (I don't want to know!) All of that they can laugh at when they are older and reminiscing with their kids about "when I went to youth group at church".
Zack and Taylor LOVE to hear stories..they will beg for "tell us a story about you!" or "tell us a story about daddy and Unkie Beep". Stories are made through living with people, getting close and the day to day. I love the stories of our lives. I am anxious to go back tonight to continue setting up. To see what surprises us and what we uncover. I just know I will look good in it!!
The most fun thing is trying on anything and everything that suits our fancy! We don't care what we look like or who sees. It is definitely a time of no inhibitions! All is fair game. Last night one of the girls found a pair of thigh-highs that were fishnet and it went from there. I think she ended up taking them home with her and I don't doubt they will be worn this week! (her mom will die but she is a free spirit!)
We laugh so much...everyone laughs!! Everyone!! Unpacking is like Christmas...you never know what you will find. Sometimes it is waaaay too personal...I don't want to know you wear "THAT" to bed with hubby!
I love these times when we bond with the youth. I laugh because the youth know me too well...they've seen me in no make up, hair screaming off my head, when I climb out of bed in the morning. They know I snore. They know I fall asleep immediately and what they can do when that happens. (I don't want to know!) All of that they can laugh at when they are older and reminiscing with their kids about "when I went to youth group at church".
Zack and Taylor LOVE to hear stories..they will beg for "tell us a story about you!" or "tell us a story about daddy and Unkie Beep". Stories are made through living with people, getting close and the day to day. I love the stories of our lives. I am anxious to go back tonight to continue setting up. To see what surprises us and what we uncover. I just know I will look good in it!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
know nothing know everything
One of the things I've said from the beginning of Mark's affair was I wanted to know nothing and I wanted to know everything.
At work I am a firm believer in "don't gossip" but know everything because you never know what may affect you. I hate to be blindsided!!
I am the same in my personal life. I hate to be blindsided and I truly was by Mark's actions. In the beginning I wanted to know everything at the same time I wanted to know nothing. I wanted to know how they met, where they met, what they did, who saw them, who knew, who paid for it all, how many times, what was her number? what did she drive? what did her husband know? what did her family know? How was her family reacting to this?
To not wanting to know any of it. But all of these questions keep running through your mind. I would write them down. Mark in the beginning told me (I think) everything but once the affair continued he revealed nothing. After he moved out I asked him to tell me why. That was all I wanted and I think I was entitled to but he didn't want to discuss anything. I had a counselor tell me "secret keepers" are good at it, they've been doing it awhile.
Even today I don't want to know anything. I used to look down his street, or looked to see if his car was parked at work but there came a day when I realized, this only hurt me so I stopped. I purposefully look the other way now in both instances.
The boys have gotten to the point they seldom discuss him with me and Justin and I have agreed there will be no discussion. He does not exist. I don't know how healthy that is but it works right now for us at this point in our lives. I am sure it will not be like this forever.
Don't we feel the same way about God? We want all of our questions about him answered? Why he allows things to happen? Why things are the way they are? Why does the sun shine? We want to know it all so we won't be blindsided. But we don't want to know anything...I don't want to know when I will die...I don't want to know any more bad things that will happen. This is where faith comes in...we have to believe in what we can not touch and feel. We just have to believe.
I listen to Joyce Meyers every morning on my way to work and she said this morning...we can't get over there except to go through here! The only way out is through. So I have to go through this to get to the other side. I have to endure and build and have faith to get through this. I will survive!
At work I am a firm believer in "don't gossip" but know everything because you never know what may affect you. I hate to be blindsided!!
I am the same in my personal life. I hate to be blindsided and I truly was by Mark's actions. In the beginning I wanted to know everything at the same time I wanted to know nothing. I wanted to know how they met, where they met, what they did, who saw them, who knew, who paid for it all, how many times, what was her number? what did she drive? what did her husband know? what did her family know? How was her family reacting to this?
To not wanting to know any of it. But all of these questions keep running through your mind. I would write them down. Mark in the beginning told me (I think) everything but once the affair continued he revealed nothing. After he moved out I asked him to tell me why. That was all I wanted and I think I was entitled to but he didn't want to discuss anything. I had a counselor tell me "secret keepers" are good at it, they've been doing it awhile.
Even today I don't want to know anything. I used to look down his street, or looked to see if his car was parked at work but there came a day when I realized, this only hurt me so I stopped. I purposefully look the other way now in both instances.
The boys have gotten to the point they seldom discuss him with me and Justin and I have agreed there will be no discussion. He does not exist. I don't know how healthy that is but it works right now for us at this point in our lives. I am sure it will not be like this forever.
Don't we feel the same way about God? We want all of our questions about him answered? Why he allows things to happen? Why things are the way they are? Why does the sun shine? We want to know it all so we won't be blindsided. But we don't want to know anything...I don't want to know when I will die...I don't want to know any more bad things that will happen. This is where faith comes in...we have to believe in what we can not touch and feel. We just have to believe.
I listen to Joyce Meyers every morning on my way to work and she said this morning...we can't get over there except to go through here! The only way out is through. So I have to go through this to get to the other side. I have to endure and build and have faith to get through this. I will survive!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Revelations
In our youth Sunday School class we've been watching the Left Behind Series (DVD).
It is based on the book of Revelations and has caused a world of discusssion and questions. We have talked and talked. Today I had a revelation of my own!!
The book of Revelations is nothing more than a book of prophesy just like Habakkuk and Nahum which we've been reading in Disciple Class. The things mentioned in Revelations are the exact same thing mentioned in the books of the Old Testament. There is no differance. It is a book of if you do not repent there will be a day of judgement. There will be a "Day of our Lord." A day of judgement. If you put it into historical context it is no different.
The kids worry about how everything mentioned is happening now...it was happing in the time of Judah and Isreal also...It has always been happening.
There is one thing all books of the bible tell us. If you believe in our Lord you will be saved. Bottom line is that's it! You just need to believe!
It is based on the book of Revelations and has caused a world of discusssion and questions. We have talked and talked. Today I had a revelation of my own!!
The book of Revelations is nothing more than a book of prophesy just like Habakkuk and Nahum which we've been reading in Disciple Class. The things mentioned in Revelations are the exact same thing mentioned in the books of the Old Testament. There is no differance. It is a book of if you do not repent there will be a day of judgement. There will be a "Day of our Lord." A day of judgement. If you put it into historical context it is no different.
The kids worry about how everything mentioned is happening now...it was happing in the time of Judah and Isreal also...It has always been happening.
There is one thing all books of the bible tell us. If you believe in our Lord you will be saved. Bottom line is that's it! You just need to believe!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
lament for sissie
I decided to write her lament
Oh Lord why did you give me to this woman?
This woman who shuts me in the bathroom with her
This woman who clips my nails and makes me bleed
This woman who makes me look like I have mange
I know she is doing it for my own good
I know like you she is teaching me patience
But why do I have to look like this doing it?
Be with me Lord as I put up with her
she does let me lay on the couch
she does bake me burnt treats
she does buy me chewies
Thank you Lord
I think I will keep her.
Besides I am too tired and lazy to run away!
 |
| Sissie calling me all kinds of names! |
Poor Sissie!
I tried out my new dog clippers on her...I took about 3 large puppies off of her...she is looking pretty pitiful...I should have watched the video prior to!I decided to write her lament
Oh Lord why did you give me to this woman?
This woman who shuts me in the bathroom with her
This woman who clips my nails and makes me bleed
This woman who makes me look like I have mange
I know she is doing it for my own good
I know like you she is teaching me patience
But why do I have to look like this doing it?
Be with me Lord as I put up with her
she does let me lay on the couch
she does bake me burnt treats
she does buy me chewies
Thank you Lord
I think I will keep her.
Besides I am too tired and lazy to run away!
shut in the bathroom
After a rain, I always spend time on my knees...scrubbing the tile floor...when you have dogs, as I mentioned yesterday it isn't the pee and poo it is drool, and this time of year muddy feet.
I am watching my son's dog this week while they are out in Washington state, house hunting. Sam is petrified of storms and I've mentioned him before. He hides. It stormed all night last night.
Early this morning I went to let Sam out...walked in the house and couldn't find him. I yelled as I was unwraping the morning paper. I yelled for him several times and assumed he was hiding from the storm. After several "Sams" I went looking. He had somehow shut himself in the bathroom sometime during the night. Poor Sam. He is so lost without his family but he is stressed when he comes to stay with me. My dogs drive him nuts. He walks around the entire time with a ball in his mouth. He is a great dog but I think he is a one family dog.
We let ourselves get shut in, too. I could easily stay home and never leave. Just piddle around the house. Clean out a closet, scrub a floor, take down some wall paper. Given a choice I would never come out. I am a home body.
But, I know I have to see people. I need to be with people and unless I want them always coming to me..I have to push my butt out of the house.
Christians can be the same way. We could stay in our church and never go outside it but guess what! That isn't what God calls us to do. Our commandment is to go and make disciples of all nations. Go outside the church...get out of that bathroom and see where you are needed in the community around you. We know there is a great need for the young people of our community and we need to step outside our walls and figure out what to do with them. How we can help them. To do this when you have people in your church that don't want the floor to get dirty. That is a tough one. But an enitre other blog. I think I will entitle it "Mean people at church"!! I digress!
Tomorrow is Easter...the day Christ rose from the dead for us! Not for us to sit in our homes and never do anything...but rose so we can have eternal life and work for him on this earth. So get your butts out of the bathroom and start by going to church tomorrow and celebrating! This is Easter!!
I am watching my son's dog this week while they are out in Washington state, house hunting. Sam is petrified of storms and I've mentioned him before. He hides. It stormed all night last night.
Early this morning I went to let Sam out...walked in the house and couldn't find him. I yelled as I was unwraping the morning paper. I yelled for him several times and assumed he was hiding from the storm. After several "Sams" I went looking. He had somehow shut himself in the bathroom sometime during the night. Poor Sam. He is so lost without his family but he is stressed when he comes to stay with me. My dogs drive him nuts. He walks around the entire time with a ball in his mouth. He is a great dog but I think he is a one family dog.
We let ourselves get shut in, too. I could easily stay home and never leave. Just piddle around the house. Clean out a closet, scrub a floor, take down some wall paper. Given a choice I would never come out. I am a home body.
But, I know I have to see people. I need to be with people and unless I want them always coming to me..I have to push my butt out of the house.
Christians can be the same way. We could stay in our church and never go outside it but guess what! That isn't what God calls us to do. Our commandment is to go and make disciples of all nations. Go outside the church...get out of that bathroom and see where you are needed in the community around you. We know there is a great need for the young people of our community and we need to step outside our walls and figure out what to do with them. How we can help them. To do this when you have people in your church that don't want the floor to get dirty. That is a tough one. But an enitre other blog. I think I will entitle it "Mean people at church"!! I digress!
Tomorrow is Easter...the day Christ rose from the dead for us! Not for us to sit in our homes and never do anything...but rose so we can have eternal life and work for him on this earth. So get your butts out of the bathroom and start by going to church tomorrow and celebrating! This is Easter!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
skunks
I know I have skunks that live near my house...they get hit sometimes on the road and there are woods close by...my biggest fear is the dogs will get one late at night...they go out at 2 or 3 am and they are crazy...running wild, chasing something...if they get too bad I take out the flash light afraid of what I will find.
One night they caught a rabbit...I went out not knowing what was in Freckles' mouth and when I grabbed it to pull it out....guess what I found...a bloody carcass...YUK...they can get in some of the most disgusting things.
I always tell people...it isn't the pee and poo you constantly deal with when you have dogs....it is the drool, puke from eating something gross, chewies and stuff they drag in...i came in this evening after work to find a bird nest strewn across the back porch and bird feathers in my house???? Don't want to guess what happened.
I am sitting here typing and someone has the suspicious odor of something skunky...and it isn't good...they are all passed out around the room....it is a funny sight!
Sissie loves to roll in deer poo...nothing is better....I will hug her around her neck and realize there is something sticky...you get the picture...she has rolled in blue heron poo before...she will come in with giant white smears across her body....what it is about smelling bad?
This weekend I am determined everyone is getting a bath AND I am going to try to shave Sissie and give her a summer haircut...I bought some clippers...we will see how that goes...but everyone is getting a bath, nails cut and cleaned up.
Time for our Easter gussy up. Time to smell good (at least for one day) and get ready for fleas, foul odors and all things spring and summer!
One night they caught a rabbit...I went out not knowing what was in Freckles' mouth and when I grabbed it to pull it out....guess what I found...a bloody carcass...YUK...they can get in some of the most disgusting things.
I always tell people...it isn't the pee and poo you constantly deal with when you have dogs....it is the drool, puke from eating something gross, chewies and stuff they drag in...i came in this evening after work to find a bird nest strewn across the back porch and bird feathers in my house???? Don't want to guess what happened.
I am sitting here typing and someone has the suspicious odor of something skunky...and it isn't good...they are all passed out around the room....it is a funny sight!
Sissie loves to roll in deer poo...nothing is better....I will hug her around her neck and realize there is something sticky...you get the picture...she has rolled in blue heron poo before...she will come in with giant white smears across her body....what it is about smelling bad?
This weekend I am determined everyone is getting a bath AND I am going to try to shave Sissie and give her a summer haircut...I bought some clippers...we will see how that goes...but everyone is getting a bath, nails cut and cleaned up.
Time for our Easter gussy up. Time to smell good (at least for one day) and get ready for fleas, foul odors and all things spring and summer!
earth day
Today is Earth Day and it is Good Friday.
Ironic...We celebrate Earth Day on the day our Lord was laid in the Earth.
In Genesis God gives man dominion over all of his creation.
What a gift to us. Over the birds of the air and the creatures of the sea. Over the plants that cover the earth and the animals that live there. What a responsibility. This is a day that celebrates this creation.
Starting Monday a fellow employee and I will start carpooling.
With the recent spike in gas prices it is ridiculous for both of us to come from the same direction at the same time. Our contribution to our carbon footprint that we probably would have never done without gas prices.
Do something today to conserve our responsibility. To take care of our earth.
God will smile.
Ironic...We celebrate Earth Day on the day our Lord was laid in the Earth.
In Genesis God gives man dominion over all of his creation.
What a gift to us. Over the birds of the air and the creatures of the sea. Over the plants that cover the earth and the animals that live there. What a responsibility. This is a day that celebrates this creation.
Starting Monday a fellow employee and I will start carpooling.
With the recent spike in gas prices it is ridiculous for both of us to come from the same direction at the same time. Our contribution to our carbon footprint that we probably would have never done without gas prices.
Do something today to conserve our responsibility. To take care of our earth.
God will smile.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
emotions
I guess I should apologize for my rantings yesterday...but if nothing else it showed you the emotional upheaval you experience as a result of divorce. There is no happily ever after divorce.
It will soon be two years since I found out and it has been a constant battle of emotions. From the days of tears and wallowing in self pity. To days of ranting and anger. As you could tell in the posts over the past week it was a roller coaster week.
Some day I know it will be OK. I know the emotions will even out and that roller coaster will get like the kiddie coaster with tiny hills and no big mountains that turn upside down or do a corkscrew!
I look forward to those days and count the days until they come.
Thanks to Melissa for this scripture:
Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
It will soon be two years since I found out and it has been a constant battle of emotions. From the days of tears and wallowing in self pity. To days of ranting and anger. As you could tell in the posts over the past week it was a roller coaster week.
Some day I know it will be OK. I know the emotions will even out and that roller coaster will get like the kiddie coaster with tiny hills and no big mountains that turn upside down or do a corkscrew!
I look forward to those days and count the days until they come.
Thanks to Melissa for this scripture:
Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
pride...where did that come from?
As I mentioned last night was my Disciple Class. I just love this class. This week we read those prophets...those books of the bible that you never read or have a Sunday School class about. Zephaniah, Nahum and Habakkuk. I didn't even know how to pronounce them. I just knew they were SHORT!!
That is the great thing about this class, you dig deep into these books and I found they are some of my favorites. I love these prophets of old. I think it is the vision of a God of punishment and people who took a stand. They stood up and said to the people and the government "You are sinning. This is not OK. Turn from your evil ways." If someone did that today we would have documentaries written about them and then have them committed.
Our first assignment was to find the message about sinful "pride". We all looked at each other like...did we read the right books because I didn't see the message of pride anywhere. But as we dug...there it was.
In Zephaniah the people of Judah had become self-satisfied. They didn't need God. They had called to him and he seemed like he didn't answer one way or the other so...who needs him. They were busy. Things were good. They thought they could do it themselves. Who needs God? Their faith in God had become complacent. We'll call on him only when we need him. Is this sounding familiar...like society today?
It is scary sometimes how close those Israelites are to us today. What scares me is we are suppose to learn from history. HA. We continue to sin over and over. We never learn!
But throughout the three books...there is hope. It is parental love. As a parent you know how hard it is to discipline your kids. But you have to do it for them to learn. God punishes us so we learn. But we never do!
Habakkuk 3:17-19 is considered one of the most strongest manifestations of faith (copied those big words) in the bible. Who has read Habakkuk! Condensed in Kim language: When all around me is crashing down...I look to God who gives me strength....This was written by the prophet as he was waiting for the invasion he knew was coming from the mighty Chaldeans. All around him there would be destruction but he would rejoice in the Lord. That is a tough one!
We learn from history...if we are smart! We recognize sinful pride...if we are smart...We see complacency...if we are smart. Ask for wisdom and open the bible and read these guys!
That is the great thing about this class, you dig deep into these books and I found they are some of my favorites. I love these prophets of old. I think it is the vision of a God of punishment and people who took a stand. They stood up and said to the people and the government "You are sinning. This is not OK. Turn from your evil ways." If someone did that today we would have documentaries written about them and then have them committed.
Our first assignment was to find the message about sinful "pride". We all looked at each other like...did we read the right books because I didn't see the message of pride anywhere. But as we dug...there it was.
In Zephaniah the people of Judah had become self-satisfied. They didn't need God. They had called to him and he seemed like he didn't answer one way or the other so...who needs him. They were busy. Things were good. They thought they could do it themselves. Who needs God? Their faith in God had become complacent. We'll call on him only when we need him. Is this sounding familiar...like society today?
It is scary sometimes how close those Israelites are to us today. What scares me is we are suppose to learn from history. HA. We continue to sin over and over. We never learn!
But throughout the three books...there is hope. It is parental love. As a parent you know how hard it is to discipline your kids. But you have to do it for them to learn. God punishes us so we learn. But we never do!
Habakkuk 3:17-19 is considered one of the most strongest manifestations of faith (copied those big words) in the bible. Who has read Habakkuk! Condensed in Kim language: When all around me is crashing down...I look to God who gives me strength....This was written by the prophet as he was waiting for the invasion he knew was coming from the mighty Chaldeans. All around him there would be destruction but he would rejoice in the Lord. That is a tough one!
We learn from history...if we are smart! We recognize sinful pride...if we are smart...We see complacency...if we are smart. Ask for wisdom and open the bible and read these guys!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
bees
My dogs love bees...I don't know why...but they will chase them all over the yard, all over the house. They will practically climb the walls trying to catch them.
Then when they do...they get stung and it makes them sick.
A day later they are chasing bees again!
There has to be a parable in there somewhere!
I got it! We chase things that will sting us...we get stung...and we go right back to it the next day!
I think I can probably say that about me.
I have been in a total funk lately...breakdowns at work...breakdowns at church.
I have been stung...why in the heck would I even want to have a thought about this person?
He is that bee that needs stepped on!
I get all bold and mouthy and say things like "he'll never hurt me again", "He can't hurt me" . I get angry, I get mad and I hurt all over again.
He can and he does hurt me over and over.
In my reading this week for Disciple Class (it is tonight and we are still on prophets) Habakkuk
asks God directly..."Why does evil win?" "Why does evil seem to always get ahead?"
And God responds...I am not asleep I am doing great things you don't even know about...and God continues by saying ...I watch and I wait...and I will give evil its due...
it is not very Christian-like of me...but I find peace in that. God knows it all...he will respond to wickedness and Mark and Kathy will not get away with all of the pain they've caused these two families...they can get married and run as far as they want....
but you can't run from what you've done to other people. At some point you have to face it. You have to account for your actions. You can't run forever.God holds us all accountable. I am sure I will hear from God about my feelings. It is a scary thought.
One day we will have to answer to God. All of us.
He tells us that we reap what we sow.
And he tells us evil does not win.
Then when they do...they get stung and it makes them sick.
A day later they are chasing bees again!
There has to be a parable in there somewhere!
I got it! We chase things that will sting us...we get stung...and we go right back to it the next day!
I think I can probably say that about me.
I have been in a total funk lately...breakdowns at work...breakdowns at church.
I have been stung...why in the heck would I even want to have a thought about this person?
He is that bee that needs stepped on!
I get all bold and mouthy and say things like "he'll never hurt me again", "He can't hurt me" . I get angry, I get mad and I hurt all over again.
He can and he does hurt me over and over.
In my reading this week for Disciple Class (it is tonight and we are still on prophets) Habakkuk
asks God directly..."Why does evil win?" "Why does evil seem to always get ahead?"
And God responds...I am not asleep I am doing great things you don't even know about...and God continues by saying ...I watch and I wait...and I will give evil its due...
it is not very Christian-like of me...but I find peace in that. God knows it all...he will respond to wickedness and Mark and Kathy will not get away with all of the pain they've caused these two families...they can get married and run as far as they want....
but you can't run from what you've done to other people. At some point you have to face it. You have to account for your actions. You can't run forever.God holds us all accountable. I am sure I will hear from God about my feelings. It is a scary thought.
One day we will have to answer to God. All of us.
He tells us that we reap what we sow.
And he tells us evil does not win.
my morning
My morning reading:
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5
My morning prayer:
Father, may the seeds of suffering or sorrow flower into joy in my life.
For all of those that are suffering today...there are others out there who are right with you.
I am praying today for all of you.
Never give up. There will be joy.
Bringing you blessings today.
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5
My morning prayer:
Father, may the seeds of suffering or sorrow flower into joy in my life.
For all of those that are suffering today...there are others out there who are right with you.
I am praying today for all of you.
Never give up. There will be joy.
Bringing you blessings today.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
still
I still love
by: alan hampton
lyrics by gretchen parlato
even if you said goodbye
even if a dream may die
even when my life is through
no matter what you say or do
even if it makes me cry
even if I don't know why
even when things fall apart
even if you break my heart
even when I feel alone
even if I had no home
til my fears have gone away
let it go and come what may
through my joy and through my pain
like the sun that follows rain
no beginning and no end
love, so love comes back again
I still love
I heard this today and it spoke to me. My heart is broken and I don't know if it will ever mend.
by: alan hampton
lyrics by gretchen parlato
even if you said goodbye
even if a dream may die
even when my life is through
no matter what you say or do
even if it makes me cry
even if I don't know why
even when things fall apart
even if you break my heart
even when I feel alone
even if I had no home
til my fears have gone away
let it go and come what may
through my joy and through my pain
like the sun that follows rain
no beginning and no end
love, so love comes back again
I still love
I heard this today and it spoke to me. My heart is broken and I don't know if it will ever mend.
recharge
My phone....As I have mentioned...I am addicted to Words with Friends...I use my phone for geocaching...I have it on all the time...it looses power fast!
It needs recharged most of the time...and I am great at forgetting to plug it in.
So, I will go to take a picture and it is dead.
I need to recharge my phone and sometimes I need recharged.
I don't know why some days are so much harder than others.
I struggle.
I decided to take a Disciple bible class to recharge my batteries.
I needed adult talk about my beliefs and God.
I needed to ask questions. I needed to question my faith.
I needed to be surrounded by people who think it's OK to question.
Sometimes we need to share, discuss and argue with others of faith.
I can not say thanks enough for their love, their listening and their prayers.
The readings have been too close to home and bring up all kinds of emotions that I thought were gone. They then come back with a vengeance.
I need recharged by these people of faith.
It needs recharged most of the time...and I am great at forgetting to plug it in.
So, I will go to take a picture and it is dead.
I need to recharge my phone and sometimes I need recharged.
I don't know why some days are so much harder than others.
I struggle.
I decided to take a Disciple bible class to recharge my batteries.
I needed adult talk about my beliefs and God.
I needed to ask questions. I needed to question my faith.
I needed to be surrounded by people who think it's OK to question.
Sometimes we need to share, discuss and argue with others of faith.
I can not say thanks enough for their love, their listening and their prayers.
The readings have been too close to home and bring up all kinds of emotions that I thought were gone. They then come back with a vengeance.
I need recharged by these people of faith.
Monday, April 18, 2011
lamentations II
Lament II
Lord I am in pain and don't think it will ever leave me.
Lord why have you allowed this to happen to me?
Lord why have you allowed this pain and sorrow to enter my life?
I have tried to be your servant.
I have tried to live my life for you.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why are there so many tears?
Why did you take my best friend?
Why did you take my soul?
Why did you allow this to happen? to me? to my boys?
Why did Satan win? Why did Mark turn to Satan and not you?
Why didn't you listen to my prayers? Why did you not open your heart to me?
I trust you Lord. I know with you mountains can move.
With you a life can turn around.
God I put all my trust in you.
God I give my life to you.
In your ways I will walk.
I will denounce all things Satan.
I will step away knowing you have my best interest.
My ears are open to your voice.
I will tell everyone what you have done for me.
I will serve you.
I love you Lord, now and forever.
some nights are just nights of tears.
Lord I am in pain and don't think it will ever leave me.
Lord why have you allowed this to happen to me?
Lord why have you allowed this pain and sorrow to enter my life?
I have tried to be your servant.
I have tried to live my life for you.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why are there so many tears?
Why did you take my best friend?
Why did you take my soul?
Why did you allow this to happen? to me? to my boys?
Why did Satan win? Why did Mark turn to Satan and not you?
Why didn't you listen to my prayers? Why did you not open your heart to me?
I trust you Lord. I know with you mountains can move.
With you a life can turn around.
God I put all my trust in you.
God I give my life to you.
In your ways I will walk.
I will denounce all things Satan.
I will step away knowing you have my best interest.
My ears are open to your voice.
I will tell everyone what you have done for me.
I will serve you.
I love you Lord, now and forever.
some nights are just nights of tears.
running home when it hurts
When I found out about my husbands affair I didn't know where to go and the old adage about fight or flight was definitely true. I flew the coop. I ran home to my mom. I was crushed and hurting and did what all kids do when they are hurt...I ran home where I would find comfort. Where I found comfort when I was younger.
Mom gave me that, she gave me encouragement, she left me alone, she talked to the boys when I couldn't lift my head from the pillow. Then Mark showed up and like an idiot I went with him...believing all the lies.
But as we all know the truth finally wins out...the truth sets us free...
During holy week...Jesus ran home when he hurt. He ran to the Garden where he prayed. He ran to his father. He prayed for God to take this away from him...He knew what was going to happen...He wasn't an idiot like me...he didn't believe the lies...he knew where he was headed...he knew he would be betrayed...he knew he would die. He knew it would be painful and it would hurt many people.
He went home to his father in prayer...where he would find peace and where he found the love he needed to move on to the cross. His father held the truth and in the end the truth won out.
We, too can find the peace, the truth, the love in the same place Jesus did...in our father.
Remember when I wrote my lament last month? I talked about the book of Lamentations...today write your own lament. Talk about your pain. Cry out to the Lord like Jesus did...like I have...ask him to take this cup from you. Turn to him.
Mom gave me that, she gave me encouragement, she left me alone, she talked to the boys when I couldn't lift my head from the pillow. Then Mark showed up and like an idiot I went with him...believing all the lies.
But as we all know the truth finally wins out...the truth sets us free...
During holy week...Jesus ran home when he hurt. He ran to the Garden where he prayed. He ran to his father. He prayed for God to take this away from him...He knew what was going to happen...He wasn't an idiot like me...he didn't believe the lies...he knew where he was headed...he knew he would be betrayed...he knew he would die. He knew it would be painful and it would hurt many people.
He went home to his father in prayer...where he would find peace and where he found the love he needed to move on to the cross. His father held the truth and in the end the truth won out.
We, too can find the peace, the truth, the love in the same place Jesus did...in our father.
Remember when I wrote my lament last month? I talked about the book of Lamentations...today write your own lament. Talk about your pain. Cry out to the Lord like Jesus did...like I have...ask him to take this cup from you. Turn to him.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
holy days
This week we head into holy week.
This is one of the most special weeks in the Christian calendar as we prepare for the greatest gift of all time.
John 3:16 comes to life. For God so loved the world that he gave his holy son. Whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
This is the week Jesus turns his face toward Jerusalem and knows what is coming.
This is the week he will stand before Pontius Pilot
This is the week he will ride triumphantly into the city to shouts of "Hosanna" (means "Save Us")
This is the week he prays that God take this cup from him
This is the week his friends betray him
This is the week he suffers
This is the week that prepared him to understand all of our suffering.
This is why he understands my pain.
This is why he understands my sorrow.
He has been where I stood this past year. He felt what I feel...the suffering, betrayal, hurt..he has felt it. He gets it. He gets me all because of this holy week.
I always take time during this week to spend time with Christ and to walk the walk with him.
I find a stations of the cross and walk the walk of Holy Week. It is a busy week of services but it is also a week to feel and react.
Think about all that was given this week for you....because of love.
Because God so love the world.
Because God so loved Kim.
Because God so loved you.
This is one of the most special weeks in the Christian calendar as we prepare for the greatest gift of all time.
John 3:16 comes to life. For God so loved the world that he gave his holy son. Whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
This is the week Jesus turns his face toward Jerusalem and knows what is coming.
This is the week he will stand before Pontius Pilot
This is the week he will ride triumphantly into the city to shouts of "Hosanna" (means "Save Us")
This is the week he prays that God take this cup from him
This is the week his friends betray him
This is the week he suffers
This is the week that prepared him to understand all of our suffering.
This is why he understands my pain.
This is why he understands my sorrow.
He has been where I stood this past year. He felt what I feel...the suffering, betrayal, hurt..he has felt it. He gets it. He gets me all because of this holy week.
I always take time during this week to spend time with Christ and to walk the walk with him.
I find a stations of the cross and walk the walk of Holy Week. It is a busy week of services but it is also a week to feel and react.
Think about all that was given this week for you....because of love.
Because God so love the world.
Because God so loved Kim.
Because God so loved you.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
april showers
So, I am sick of April showers and it is only April 16...only halfway through. This morning it poured down rain...cats and dogs...I know from rain comes the beautiful trees and flowers (which I love) but can't we get them some other way?
Psalms 147:7-8 Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp to our God: Who covers the heaven with clouds, who prepares rain for the earth, who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
I get it...God makes the rain and the grass which right now is that pretty shade of lime green!
Tomorrow is Palm Sunday...the day Jesus rode into Jerusalem to the shouts of Hosanna. At our church the children wave palms and sing. The service tomorrow is followed by a church pot luck Easter dinner and egg hunt for the kids. It is one of my favorite dinners at church because there are families together and it feels like we are one big happy family, the entire congregation. This year it will be my daughter-in-law and Zack and Taylor. What a difference a year makes! But we will celebrate and sing praises and thank God, even for rain...I guess! We may pray for sunshine!!
They will be gone next week for Easter and I will be home alone this year. I will attend church. But, it will be strange.
Have you noticed I am starting to function pretty well! Life is starting to get some normalcy to it. I can see where I am heading and like the path. God has blessed me with rain for the earth and with peace. I went to breakfast this morning with a friend that I haven't seen for awhile and she looked at me and said...I think the old Kim is back, you look great!...I think so, too!
So, you all have seen the tough times and the good times! I hope you notice there are more good times now than bad and I know they will only get better!
Thanks for sharing them with me. See there is sunshine after the rain!
throw a net
One Friday night we (the confirmation class) traveled to an event and heard Tyrone Gordon preach followed by a concert for the teens. (which we weren't invited to!) It was a wonderful evening...the preaching was whoohoo...
Gordon was proceeded by the Martin Luther King Jr. Men's chorus...so the music was inspirational!
He preached on going fishing for men...forget the line because you can only catch exactly what you are looking for with one line...but when you fish with a net you never know what you'll catch.
That net is wide and can catch all kinds of fish...if you want. He talked about going outside the church and looking at other folks to fill your church.
There was an alter call and the kids were up out of their seats and down the aisle before us adults started to move.
Wow!
We all have a tendency to want to be with folks just like us...guess what...God wants something different...we need to step out and see what is around us in our community...see where the needs are...and that's where you need to focus...step out of your comfort zone!
It is so hard to step away from all we are comfortable with. It just doesn't feel right...sometimes it isn't as hard as we think...it takes one step...stand up right now....put one foot out there....step down...guess what...that's it...all it takes....
We have decided to cast our net this Thanksgiving. Several years ago a member of our church brought up he would like to do a Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless and folks without family in the area. Nothing happened. Following the divorce I realized I would like to do this...the kids are far flung and I may be one of those alone...so I approached Barry and said...let's do it! We are meeting Tuesday to start planning.
One door shuts and God opens another one!
Can't wait to see what he has in store!
Gordon was proceeded by the Martin Luther King Jr. Men's chorus...so the music was inspirational!
He preached on going fishing for men...forget the line because you can only catch exactly what you are looking for with one line...but when you fish with a net you never know what you'll catch.
That net is wide and can catch all kinds of fish...if you want. He talked about going outside the church and looking at other folks to fill your church.
There was an alter call and the kids were up out of their seats and down the aisle before us adults started to move.
Wow!
We all have a tendency to want to be with folks just like us...guess what...God wants something different...we need to step out and see what is around us in our community...see where the needs are...and that's where you need to focus...step out of your comfort zone!
It is so hard to step away from all we are comfortable with. It just doesn't feel right...sometimes it isn't as hard as we think...it takes one step...stand up right now....put one foot out there....step down...guess what...that's it...all it takes....
We have decided to cast our net this Thanksgiving. Several years ago a member of our church brought up he would like to do a Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless and folks without family in the area. Nothing happened. Following the divorce I realized I would like to do this...the kids are far flung and I may be one of those alone...so I approached Barry and said...let's do it! We are meeting Tuesday to start planning.
One door shuts and God opens another one!
Can't wait to see what he has in store!
Friday, April 15, 2011
killdeer
A killdeer is a bird...they are the funniest little bird...if you come near their nest they will run away and act like they have a broken wing to distract you. They build their nests in the strangest places and they are usually built with a pile of gravel or rocks...not the most comfortable nest to sit on...one year we had a gravel pile in the back yard...on the very top there was a killdeer nest.
Every year we would laugh at their antics. The joke would be...when the babies hatch they are immediatly on the run...they don't stay in the nest...they take off...they are on the go...the poor parents never stop...they should learn birth control... they may have 3-4 broods a summer. All those babies seem to stay with them throughout the summer...so by the end my yard will be full of killdeer.
This year they built in the middle of my gravel driveway...I knew I had been seeing one in the driveway...so today when I stopped to get the mail there it went...so I went looking and sure enough...three eggs in the middle of some gravel in the driveway...
I put a brick by the nest so I will make sure I don't run over them..it would kill me to harm those eggs even though I did mention birth control....
You would think after all of these years those birds would learn where to build a nest...but I guess they do it for a reason...a reason we don't understand.
Boy sounds like our lives doesn't it...we should learn lessons but we never do! There must be a reason for a lot of things...reasons we don't understand. We just have to know one thing...God is there watching over us...and he sees it all...he sees the big picture that we can't even begin to imagine. He knows why those killdeer build piles of rock in a certain place and why they act like they have a broken wing and why I lost a husband and why I had two great boys and why this big old world is the way it is...it all makes sense to him...and it isn't my worry...I need to get out of his business and let him be God.
So go at it God...and thanks you've done a pretty good job so far!
PS: I wrote this last night....today when I was coming home from work something awful happened...I was coming in the driveway and the brick got stuck up under my car and smashed the eggs...all of them...I can still hear the killdeer lamenting...I feel sooooo bad...even the dogs are barking because of the birds crying...how awful.
Every year we would laugh at their antics. The joke would be...when the babies hatch they are immediatly on the run...they don't stay in the nest...they take off...they are on the go...the poor parents never stop...they should learn birth control... they may have 3-4 broods a summer. All those babies seem to stay with them throughout the summer...so by the end my yard will be full of killdeer.
This year they built in the middle of my gravel driveway...I knew I had been seeing one in the driveway...so today when I stopped to get the mail there it went...so I went looking and sure enough...three eggs in the middle of some gravel in the driveway...
I put a brick by the nest so I will make sure I don't run over them..it would kill me to harm those eggs even though I did mention birth control....
You would think after all of these years those birds would learn where to build a nest...but I guess they do it for a reason...a reason we don't understand.
Boy sounds like our lives doesn't it...we should learn lessons but we never do! There must be a reason for a lot of things...reasons we don't understand. We just have to know one thing...God is there watching over us...and he sees it all...he sees the big picture that we can't even begin to imagine. He knows why those killdeer build piles of rock in a certain place and why they act like they have a broken wing and why I lost a husband and why I had two great boys and why this big old world is the way it is...it all makes sense to him...and it isn't my worry...I need to get out of his business and let him be God.
So go at it God...and thanks you've done a pretty good job so far!
PS: I wrote this last night....today when I was coming home from work something awful happened...I was coming in the driveway and the brick got stuck up under my car and smashed the eggs...all of them...I can still hear the killdeer lamenting...I feel sooooo bad...even the dogs are barking because of the birds crying...how awful.
cutting grass
I just want to say...as much as I complain about cutting grass...I really love it...and this time of year requires it. Remember the saying about April showers. Our weather has been nothing but showers...which makes the grass grow and it rains so much you can't cut the grass...a vicious cycle...I cut it this past Sunday when it was so beautiful...got a little sun burn...it was great...rained the next four days and cut it again on day 5...looks like it has never been touched...I now know what growing like a weed means.
This probably makes the 7th or 8th time I've cut it just this year...I get on that tractor and just go to town...I sing...think and sometimes just let my mind wander. I still am not brave enough to tackle the hills.
Tonight I didn't want to come in...it was beautiful outside...blue, blue skies...more sun...got a little on my nose...what more could you ask for? The dogs are like me...they want to spend every waking minute outside...last night they were passed out all over the living room wishing I would go to bed!
Contentment is all I can think...I am so content...and happy in my own skin. How does that happen? It must be a weather thing...I get mopey when it is gloomy and I am bright and chipper when it is sunny...makes sense to me!!
Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
Sounds like a good life doesn't it!
I'm feeling it!
This probably makes the 7th or 8th time I've cut it just this year...I get on that tractor and just go to town...I sing...think and sometimes just let my mind wander. I still am not brave enough to tackle the hills.
Tonight I didn't want to come in...it was beautiful outside...blue, blue skies...more sun...got a little on my nose...what more could you ask for? The dogs are like me...they want to spend every waking minute outside...last night they were passed out all over the living room wishing I would go to bed!
Contentment is all I can think...I am so content...and happy in my own skin. How does that happen? It must be a weather thing...I get mopey when it is gloomy and I am bright and chipper when it is sunny...makes sense to me!!
Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
Sounds like a good life doesn't it!
I'm feeling it!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
thanks for The Work
My friend Melissa recommended after reading my blog the other day that I needed to read the book "Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change your Life." Yes they can! Wow!
Thank you Mimi...what a gift!
I read it and read what I had written down as it worked me through the process and it made me laugh!! I had based a lot of things on some pretty silly stuff...I loved it!
Turning things around can explain them so much!
Thank you..
There is a web site called http://www.thework.org/ you have got to go watch the videos...my mom should adopt a dog!! That's could have been me talking!!
Visit and enjoy the same gift I was given.
Thanks Melissa!
Thank you Mimi...what a gift!
I read it and read what I had written down as it worked me through the process and it made me laugh!! I had based a lot of things on some pretty silly stuff...I loved it!
Turning things around can explain them so much!
Thank you..
There is a web site called http://www.thework.org/ you have got to go watch the videos...my mom should adopt a dog!! That's could have been me talking!!
Visit and enjoy the same gift I was given.
Thanks Melissa!
last lecture
Our book club book this month is The Last Lecture. I was anxious to read this book because I've heard so much about it.
The http://www.thelastlecture.com/ describes the book as follows:
The http://www.thelastlecture.com/ describes the book as follows:
The Last Lecture goes beyond the now-famous lecture to inspire us all to live each day of our lives with purpose and joy. “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” said Randy Pausch . A lot of professors give talks titled “The Last Lecture.” Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can’t help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?
As I read the book I ruminated on the question, "Really Achieving your Childhood Dream" which is the question Randy asks his readers and listeners. Have you ever thought what your childhood dreams were? I remember waking up one day when I was about 30ish thinking...WOW! I am getting older and where has my life gone! I remember watching the Olympics one year and realizing everyone participating was much younger than me so that was one thing I could never accomplish.
My childhood dream was to be a writer. I wanted to write the great American novel....then I wanted to write slut books...now I am not sure what I want to write! I haven't accomplished that dream but I do write on a daily basis here and on my job. So I am halfway there. I would like to be published before I die.
I always wanted to be an independent woman. I hated the thought of a man telling me what to do and how to do it. Guess that means my marriage was doomed from the start. I grew up during the women's movement and always believed in the ERA and the concept women should be paid the same as men and should be afforded the same opportunity as men. I worked in a man's field and left the job I loved for that exact reason...I was a woman and there was no where to go...it was a good ol' boy system. I guess I accomplished that goal! I'm independent...and got there in a roundabout way.
I always wanted to live in the wild. Live in nature. I worked for WV State Parks for about 15 years...so I accomplished that dream. I do live away from the city...what I would call in the country. So I guess that counts.
I always loved animals and swore I would have a couple dogs...over achievement there!
So guess what...I am pretty happy where I am at this point in life. And I can honestly say...I have accomplished most of my childhood dreams...there is still a lot of time left to accomplish the rest and maybe decide on some new ones!
Have you accomplished yours? Do you even remember what yours were? Think hard and take a look back at yourself. Do you remember your bedroom as a kid? I remember when my mom would do her spring cleaning and our rooms would smell like Murphy's Oil soap. If I still want something to smell clean I use that soap to clean.
Childhood...what dreams we had then! Remember and see if you made them real!!
My childhood dream was to be a writer. I wanted to write the great American novel....then I wanted to write slut books...now I am not sure what I want to write! I haven't accomplished that dream but I do write on a daily basis here and on my job. So I am halfway there. I would like to be published before I die.
I always wanted to be an independent woman. I hated the thought of a man telling me what to do and how to do it. Guess that means my marriage was doomed from the start. I grew up during the women's movement and always believed in the ERA and the concept women should be paid the same as men and should be afforded the same opportunity as men. I worked in a man's field and left the job I loved for that exact reason...I was a woman and there was no where to go...it was a good ol' boy system. I guess I accomplished that goal! I'm independent...and got there in a roundabout way.
I always wanted to live in the wild. Live in nature. I worked for WV State Parks for about 15 years...so I accomplished that dream. I do live away from the city...what I would call in the country. So I guess that counts.
I always loved animals and swore I would have a couple dogs...over achievement there!
So guess what...I am pretty happy where I am at this point in life. And I can honestly say...I have accomplished most of my childhood dreams...there is still a lot of time left to accomplish the rest and maybe decide on some new ones!
Have you accomplished yours? Do you even remember what yours were? Think hard and take a look back at yourself. Do you remember your bedroom as a kid? I remember when my mom would do her spring cleaning and our rooms would smell like Murphy's Oil soap. If I still want something to smell clean I use that soap to clean.
Childhood...what dreams we had then! Remember and see if you made them real!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
character welcome
There is a station on TV that says....characters welcome.
It always makes me think about what it takes to have character not be a character.
What is character?
I heard someone say "It is the ability to do the right thing".
Wow! I would welcome someone with character!
One dictionary says character is “the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.” Regardless of circumstances it is how you will act and react. Not when anyone is looking but what you do when no one is looking. I try to think of the people I know who have character. I used to think my ex-husband, my ex-father-in-law were full of character. I don't think that anymore. My father was a character but I am not sure about his character. I like to think he had it. I know he was truthful and honest but I think that is different from character.
It is hard to find someone with character. Someone that always does the right thing. There are some folks at church that walk the walk and talk the talk and I have the utmost respect for them. It is hard to always do the right thing...but we need to reach for that goal. I hope I taught my boys character. Character is who we are. It tells the world about us and it is a reflection of our God. It is a reflection on our beliefs.
Abraham Lincoln said, “Reputation is the shadow. Character is the tree.” How is your tree growing?
It always makes me think about what it takes to have character not be a character.
What is character?
I heard someone say "It is the ability to do the right thing".
Wow! I would welcome someone with character!
One dictionary says character is “the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.” Regardless of circumstances it is how you will act and react. Not when anyone is looking but what you do when no one is looking. I try to think of the people I know who have character. I used to think my ex-husband, my ex-father-in-law were full of character. I don't think that anymore. My father was a character but I am not sure about his character. I like to think he had it. I know he was truthful and honest but I think that is different from character.
It is hard to find someone with character. Someone that always does the right thing. There are some folks at church that walk the walk and talk the talk and I have the utmost respect for them. It is hard to always do the right thing...but we need to reach for that goal. I hope I taught my boys character. Character is who we are. It tells the world about us and it is a reflection of our God. It is a reflection on our beliefs.
Abraham Lincoln said, “Reputation is the shadow. Character is the tree.” How is your tree growing?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
reality is truth
I read this somewhere yesterday and wrote it down to share:
Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.
That's me. I make up stories (good ones) about everything...I will have myself convinced my story is true...and sometimes it is so far from the truth.
When I would drive to Wheeling to see my parents, alone...I would make up stories about the houses I passed, cars I would see...just to pass the time.
Come on, sometimes you do things like that!
The Lord says in Psalm 85: Truth shall spring up from the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven. It continues in Psalm 86 with Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in your truth.
Truth...I am sure we all have secrets...things we don't want anyone to know. It is really hard living with secrets...my counselor told me to read a book called "Secret Keepers" which I could never find. She said ...secret keepers are really good at it because they are usually leading several different lives and have to keep it all straight. I sometimes wonder how many lives Mark was living.
I still shake my head when I think I knew this man for 32 years and I knew nothing...nothing...I remember thinking how could women not know their husbands were cheating...I worked with men who we all knew were cheating on their wives...how did their wives not know...I would come home and tell Mark....bet that gave him a good laugh...but it is easy not to know or not to see...I'm not sure which...we think we know truth...HA!
I wonder often if I can trust again. I think about relationships built on lies and deceit...I don't see how they survive...I guess mine did for a long time.
Good things will come from this...I know it...and I am waiting for truth to happen.
Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.
That's me. I make up stories (good ones) about everything...I will have myself convinced my story is true...and sometimes it is so far from the truth.
When I would drive to Wheeling to see my parents, alone...I would make up stories about the houses I passed, cars I would see...just to pass the time.
Come on, sometimes you do things like that!
The Lord says in Psalm 85: Truth shall spring up from the earth, and righteousness shall look down from heaven. It continues in Psalm 86 with Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in your truth.
Truth...I am sure we all have secrets...things we don't want anyone to know. It is really hard living with secrets...my counselor told me to read a book called "Secret Keepers" which I could never find. She said ...secret keepers are really good at it because they are usually leading several different lives and have to keep it all straight. I sometimes wonder how many lives Mark was living.
I still shake my head when I think I knew this man for 32 years and I knew nothing...nothing...I remember thinking how could women not know their husbands were cheating...I worked with men who we all knew were cheating on their wives...how did their wives not know...I would come home and tell Mark....bet that gave him a good laugh...but it is easy not to know or not to see...I'm not sure which...we think we know truth...HA!
I wonder often if I can trust again. I think about relationships built on lies and deceit...I don't see how they survive...I guess mine did for a long time.
Good things will come from this...I know it...and I am waiting for truth to happen.
quit talking about it
I heard the best Joyce Myer this morning on my way to work...God moments...how some things are written just for you!
She talked about how her computer lost the start of a book she was writing...computers were not suppose to lose anything...it is always there somewhere...nope...nothing...anyone that would listen she would tell about it.
Finally her husband said...I am going to give you a Joyce Myer ministry moment...You've talked about it enough...all things work for the good...get over it!
Boy what a great thing to hear...ok...I've talked about this divorce and Mark and Kathy enough...all things work for the good...get over it!
She talked about how her computer lost the start of a book she was writing...computers were not suppose to lose anything...it is always there somewhere...nope...nothing...anyone that would listen she would tell about it.
Finally her husband said...I am going to give you a Joyce Myer ministry moment...You've talked about it enough...all things work for the good...get over it!
Boy what a great thing to hear...ok...I've talked about this divorce and Mark and Kathy enough...all things work for the good...get over it!
Monday, April 11, 2011
bad words
It never fails...every year we have a discussion in youth Sunday school about what is considered a "cuss" word or "bad" word. Taylor one day told me she got in trouble for saying a bad word...I said what...she said it started with an "i"...I really had to think...what an IDIOT I am! That's nothing sweetie!
I will share one of my greatest flaws....when I am upset and angry...I cuss like a sailor! Yes...you would be surprised what comes out of my mouth...just flows like water! I just realized...my dad was like that. He would get mad and BAM out it would come.
So, the kids in Sunday School class have decided...if it is in the bible it is OK to say it....ass passes the test....they think hell is in there too...I am not too sure about that one.
I always tell them...it is in how you use the word...flower could be a "bad" word if you used it to hurt someone. I am sure the f-word probably didn't even exist in Jesus' day...they probably had another crude word they used. I need to google that...OK, in the vain of research I looked it up...1400's originating in Germany probably...so Jesus never heard that word. I sometimes think he had a list somewhere of what we can't say...sort of like the FCC.
So, it is how you use words...there is scripture that says something like: "Let not unclean things come from your mouth". So bad words must have always existed. This weekend at Confirmation retreat we talked about how what is in your heart many times comes out of your mouth. Wow...I am in bad trouble!!
So I will continue to work on my speech and my heart...thank goodness God isn't done with me.
I will share one of my greatest flaws....when I am upset and angry...I cuss like a sailor! Yes...you would be surprised what comes out of my mouth...just flows like water! I just realized...my dad was like that. He would get mad and BAM out it would come.
So, the kids in Sunday School class have decided...if it is in the bible it is OK to say it....ass passes the test....they think hell is in there too...I am not too sure about that one.
I always tell them...it is in how you use the word...flower could be a "bad" word if you used it to hurt someone. I am sure the f-word probably didn't even exist in Jesus' day...they probably had another crude word they used. I need to google that...OK, in the vain of research I looked it up...1400's originating in Germany probably...so Jesus never heard that word. I sometimes think he had a list somewhere of what we can't say...sort of like the FCC.
So, it is how you use words...there is scripture that says something like: "Let not unclean things come from your mouth". So bad words must have always existed. This weekend at Confirmation retreat we talked about how what is in your heart many times comes out of your mouth. Wow...I am in bad trouble!!
So I will continue to work on my speech and my heart...thank goodness God isn't done with me.
fog
THE fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
Carl Sandburg
Saturday night I got home really late and I was very tired. My house sits on the river and the fog was so thick, I missed my exit off the highway. I suddenly looked up and I noticed a BP station at the next exit and knew there was something wrong. Sure enough with the fog I didn't see it.
I got off and creeped up the road to my house...creeped...I didn't want to miss that too!
As I turned in my drive I couldn't see the house...I knew I left lights on...nothing.
As I turned in my drive I couldn't see the house...I knew I left lights on...nothing.
It was the kind of night that spooks you! You can believe in scary things that go bump in the night. Every horror movie has fog for a reason!
I always let the dogs out immediately and I could not see them leave the back porch it was that foggy. The dogs get me up several times during the night....and each time it was still foggy. But with the dawn....came the light.
Our lives get like that...so foggy that we can't see what is around us. We can't make out where we are or where we're headed...all looks the same and kind of spooky. But wait for the dawn. The new day will bring new beginnings and you will see the light.
It all seems better in the light of day. Surely there is scripture about the dawn of a new day...
Our lives get like that...so foggy that we can't see what is around us. We can't make out where we are or where we're headed...all looks the same and kind of spooky. But wait for the dawn. The new day will bring new beginnings and you will see the light.
It all seems better in the light of day. Surely there is scripture about the dawn of a new day...
Sunday, April 10, 2011
confirmed in faith
Do you know how blessed I am...today I got to witness the baptism and confirmation of 14 wonderful young people....to watch them be confirmed in the faith and confess to all they believe in Jesus Christ. What an experience...I feel like God has kissed me with sunshine today...
What they taught me...I always learn from them...always!
Prayer does a lot...it rises to the heavens
A group of prayers make a lot of bubbles
Prayer makes it's way exactly where it needs
Prayer goes through tiny spaces to reach God
Adults sometimes don't know anything
There are NO responsible adults that work with our young people (that's an inside joke..if we have to be then we are!)
Cast our nets and see what we get
Don't just use a line to go fishing
White people can't clap in rhythm
With God all things are possible
Face your Giants
Be still and know I am God
Preachers drive Harley's
the father, son and holy ghost are like a motorcycle
I have fruits of the spirit and so do you
Prayer is powerful
I will let my light shine
I will have John ask my questions
How can God let bad things happen to good people
Will Gandhi be in heaven?
Are there ghosts?
Peace and love from Christ
In the Methodist church, Baptism and Christening are the same
Some of us struggle with our commitment
but when God gets those folks he is going to smile big time!!!
Our God is an awesome God
What a day! Pray for our young people...
What they taught me...I always learn from them...always!
Prayer does a lot...it rises to the heavens
A group of prayers make a lot of bubbles
Prayer makes it's way exactly where it needs
Prayer goes through tiny spaces to reach God
Adults sometimes don't know anything
There are NO responsible adults that work with our young people (that's an inside joke..if we have to be then we are!)
Cast our nets and see what we get
Don't just use a line to go fishing
White people can't clap in rhythm
With God all things are possible
Face your Giants
Be still and know I am God
Preachers drive Harley's
the father, son and holy ghost are like a motorcycle
I have fruits of the spirit and so do you
Prayer is powerful
I will let my light shine
I will have John ask my questions
How can God let bad things happen to good people
Will Gandhi be in heaven?
Are there ghosts?
Peace and love from Christ
In the Methodist church, Baptism and Christening are the same
Some of us struggle with our commitment
but when God gets those folks he is going to smile big time!!!
Our God is an awesome God
What a day! Pray for our young people...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
that's why its called god moments
I had one again!
That moment when you know you are in the presence of God. As if he was standing right there speaking to you!
I have been struggling lately.
This morning...Saturday...the leader of the confirmation retreat, Ms Val took us in the sanctuary and told us to go to our own space within...find some place to spend time with God...I laid down on the last pew. She walked us through a relaxation exercise and then told us to spend the next five minutes talking to God.
I laid there and told God about my struggle. How all I have ever asked for through all of this was my husband back, my life back, that the devil leave Mark and the temptation be removed from him. Nothing has happened and I have struggled with that. I thought I had faith that would move mountains....(how pious of me!!!)
He let me have it, he yelled at me....no nice God here! He was pissed...He told me this was his war...the age old war between he and Satan. There were two souls at battle and this was his war to fight. All along whenever I would break down (over the past two years) and pray this same thing....I would hear God say...step back..let me do my work...whenever I would get ready to send a text or a card to Mark...I would hear God say...I have work to do STOP....and I thought I had...Guess I was once again wrong.
So today God yelled at me and told me to mind my own business...the last thing I heard him say was....back away...Be still and know I am God...
about that time Ms. Val called us to sit up or pay attention...she asked if anyone had heard anything...none of the kids said a word...
she said...I heard something...God told me to "Be still and know I am God."
GOD MOMENT!!...I was being reassured God was present and in that place. God listened to me. God is telling me to back off...and let him do what he has to do.
I don't have to be told twice.
That moment when you know you are in the presence of God. As if he was standing right there speaking to you!
I have been struggling lately.
This morning...Saturday...the leader of the confirmation retreat, Ms Val took us in the sanctuary and told us to go to our own space within...find some place to spend time with God...I laid down on the last pew. She walked us through a relaxation exercise and then told us to spend the next five minutes talking to God.
I laid there and told God about my struggle. How all I have ever asked for through all of this was my husband back, my life back, that the devil leave Mark and the temptation be removed from him. Nothing has happened and I have struggled with that. I thought I had faith that would move mountains....(how pious of me!!!)
He let me have it, he yelled at me....no nice God here! He was pissed...He told me this was his war...the age old war between he and Satan. There were two souls at battle and this was his war to fight. All along whenever I would break down (over the past two years) and pray this same thing....I would hear God say...step back..let me do my work...whenever I would get ready to send a text or a card to Mark...I would hear God say...I have work to do STOP....and I thought I had...Guess I was once again wrong.
So today God yelled at me and told me to mind my own business...the last thing I heard him say was....back away...Be still and know I am God...
about that time Ms. Val called us to sit up or pay attention...she asked if anyone had heard anything...none of the kids said a word...
she said...I heard something...God told me to "Be still and know I am God."
GOD MOMENT!!...I was being reassured God was present and in that place. God listened to me. God is telling me to back off...and let him do what he has to do.
I don't have to be told twice.
weeks
Where do the weeks go? I swear we were just at the wedding!
This weekend is a special weekend. It is the confirmation retreat for the confirmation class at our church. There are 18 middle school/high school young people being confirmed in the faith on Sunday.
They are a wonderful group of kids. They have taken this very serious and I am always amazed (I've realized I've say that a lot) at their dedication. The questions they ask...I always grow in my faith just being with them. Have you ever noticed when you question and ask is when you grow???
Usually the class comes here (to my home) for the retreat. But this year I just couldn't pull it off. There are times I just can't get my act together....so we are staying at church.
Pray for us!
PS: I meant to post this on Friday and as I've mentioned I have not had myself together so you are getting it after the fact...and this confirmation retreat will supply blog fodder for weeks to come.
Praise the Lord!
This weekend is a special weekend. It is the confirmation retreat for the confirmation class at our church. There are 18 middle school/high school young people being confirmed in the faith on Sunday.
They are a wonderful group of kids. They have taken this very serious and I am always amazed (I've realized I've say that a lot) at their dedication. The questions they ask...I always grow in my faith just being with them. Have you ever noticed when you question and ask is when you grow???
Usually the class comes here (to my home) for the retreat. But this year I just couldn't pull it off. There are times I just can't get my act together....so we are staying at church.
Pray for us!
PS: I meant to post this on Friday and as I've mentioned I have not had myself together so you are getting it after the fact...and this confirmation retreat will supply blog fodder for weeks to come.
Praise the Lord!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
life is complicated
Tuesday was an unexpected day off...there was a bad storm Monday night and there was no power at work so I came home...and worked on stripping wallpaper. One of those jobs that require patience...lots of it...I've pulled off the wallpaper and it left a layer of glue. Yuk! All I can do is a little bit at a time.
When your hands are busy your mind is free to wander. Thinking about how to move on after divorce.
I read on Dr. Phil's web side...who said...why waste one day...which makes sense. Why am I wasting my time thinking about him?
Life is complicated. When I think about it...I've had the opportunity many women don't have and that is to start over. To make a life for myself just the way I want it.
If you know me...I am a list maker...I carry a little blue book of "things to do " at home. I carry a little pink book of my prayer list...I keep a list of "things to do" at work. And I've made lists of:
What I want in a new man?
Things I can do now I couldn't do when married?
What are things I no longer have to do?
What do I have that I didn't have before?
What can I let go of?
How can I be different in a positive way?
What things do I want to do in the future?
Where would I like to go?
I have notebooks upon notebooks...
I've made a list of things I want to do this year, 2011...new adventures
I've made a list of things I want to do to the house...
I've made budgets and more budgets
I've set up monthly spending allotments
I keep a list of what I eat every day...for dieting and keeping weight off..
As you can see...I love to make lists...it takes some of the complication out of life. When I can see it in writing I can follow it.
I guess I am a visual learner. When I see it...it makes sense.
Bible study the same way...when i see it and if I write it down in my own hand...it makes sense. Life makes sense with my lists.
You may be saying...."anal" lady...organized to a fault...probably so...but...Life is complicated enough and we all need a way to make sense of it...all these lists make it so much less complicated for me.
When your hands are busy your mind is free to wander. Thinking about how to move on after divorce.
I read on Dr. Phil's web side...who said...why waste one day...which makes sense. Why am I wasting my time thinking about him?
Life is complicated. When I think about it...I've had the opportunity many women don't have and that is to start over. To make a life for myself just the way I want it.
If you know me...I am a list maker...I carry a little blue book of "things to do " at home. I carry a little pink book of my prayer list...I keep a list of "things to do" at work. And I've made lists of:
What I want in a new man?
Things I can do now I couldn't do when married?
What are things I no longer have to do?
What do I have that I didn't have before?
What can I let go of?
How can I be different in a positive way?
What things do I want to do in the future?
Where would I like to go?
I have notebooks upon notebooks...
I've made a list of things I want to do this year, 2011...new adventures
I've made a list of things I want to do to the house...
I've made budgets and more budgets
I've set up monthly spending allotments
I keep a list of what I eat every day...for dieting and keeping weight off..
As you can see...I love to make lists...it takes some of the complication out of life. When I can see it in writing I can follow it.
I guess I am a visual learner. When I see it...it makes sense.
Bible study the same way...when i see it and if I write it down in my own hand...it makes sense. Life makes sense with my lists.
You may be saying...."anal" lady...organized to a fault...probably so...but...Life is complicated enough and we all need a way to make sense of it...all these lists make it so much less complicated for me.
mission work
Mission work is a calling from God. One of the great things we do as a church (Cross Lanes United Methodist) is expose our young people to mission work and the importance of giving back. Last night I learned two of our young ladies in youth group have been accepted to go on the UMethodist Mission of Peace. In December they will be traveling to Nicaragua. What a life changing experience for them. And they will go with the knowledge...as a church we support them and pray for their mission.
I mentioned our reading last week for Disciple class was Isaiah and in it one of the major "Woe to them" is not taking care of the widows, children and the poor. I have always thought those of us who have much are required...not suggested.... but required by God to to take care of those less fortunate. The bar is set higher for us who believe to go out and take care of others.
This year our youth are going to Chicago to work the streets with the homeless. The experience will forever change some of them and prepare them for their life as adults. It will instill in them the importance of "giving". For some it is so hard to put others first...to put others before yourself ....What is God telling us to do?
It isn't easy...if you haven't noticed...the "me-Me-me" syndrome is pretty prevalent in our society. So it is important that we teach about the gift of giving. It is amazing to me that our young people lead the way in this and show us adults how we are to act.
Remember that scripture...Micah 6:8...what does the Lord require of us?
Go out and give of yourself...volunteer....work with those less fortunate...get involved...the gift you give comes back to you 10 X...it is amazing the gift you receive in giving...
Pass it on!
I mentioned our reading last week for Disciple class was Isaiah and in it one of the major "Woe to them" is not taking care of the widows, children and the poor. I have always thought those of us who have much are required...not suggested.... but required by God to to take care of those less fortunate. The bar is set higher for us who believe to go out and take care of others.
This year our youth are going to Chicago to work the streets with the homeless. The experience will forever change some of them and prepare them for their life as adults. It will instill in them the importance of "giving". For some it is so hard to put others first...to put others before yourself ....What is God telling us to do?
It isn't easy...if you haven't noticed...the "me-Me-me" syndrome is pretty prevalent in our society. So it is important that we teach about the gift of giving. It is amazing to me that our young people lead the way in this and show us adults how we are to act.
Remember that scripture...Micah 6:8...what does the Lord require of us?
Go out and give of yourself...volunteer....work with those less fortunate...get involved...the gift you give comes back to you 10 X...it is amazing the gift you receive in giving...
Pass it on!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
pink
I used to say "when I put on pink I feel like my IQ drops immediately". I am going to eat those words!
I have suddenly noticed I wear pink all the time...today I had on a pink blouse and pink vest...right now I have on a pink fleece.
What is with me?
I never thought I would be a pink wearer! Maybe Taylor, my granddaughter has had an influence on me...she loves pink and as a redhead...she wears it well...I love the fact that Taylor at age 6 is so comfortable in her own skin! She will wear any shade of pink.
I need to be more like her. I need to wear pink more often. I have taken a big step forward at my age. I am not so worried about what people think...doesn't matter anymore!...I think I am getting my priorities in order.
What color do you think is God's favorite? Think about what he created that is pink.
He made baby's cheeks pink
He made pigs pink
cotton candy
roses
strawberry ice cream
bubble gum
sunsets
new born animals (such as mice, moles and rats)
ham
ballet shoes
tutus
lipstick
pink lemonade
diamonds
the singer "pink"
breast cancer awareness ribbons
Barbie's signature color
Elvis' Cadillac
a puppy's nose
You can never go wrong with pink! I think I'll wear it tomorrow!
I have suddenly noticed I wear pink all the time...today I had on a pink blouse and pink vest...right now I have on a pink fleece.
What is with me?
I never thought I would be a pink wearer! Maybe Taylor, my granddaughter has had an influence on me...she loves pink and as a redhead...she wears it well...I love the fact that Taylor at age 6 is so comfortable in her own skin! She will wear any shade of pink.
I need to be more like her. I need to wear pink more often. I have taken a big step forward at my age. I am not so worried about what people think...doesn't matter anymore!...I think I am getting my priorities in order.
What color do you think is God's favorite? Think about what he created that is pink.
He made baby's cheeks pink
He made pigs pink
cotton candy
roses
strawberry ice cream
bubble gum
sunsets
new born animals (such as mice, moles and rats)
ham
ballet shoes
tutus
lipstick
pink lemonade
diamonds
the singer "pink"
breast cancer awareness ribbons
Barbie's signature color
Elvis' Cadillac
a puppy's nose
You can never go wrong with pink! I think I'll wear it tomorrow!
Lent almost over
So, Lent is more than halfway over and how am I doing on what I gave up...erhhhhhhh....
much better than I thought! I gave up for Lent bashing Mark.
I have to laugh...It just hit me the other night...I don't have to because God is doing it for me!!!
Scripture we've been studying in Disciple class has been very explicit about adultery and unfaithfulness...as we study the prophets and their condemnation of the Israel people for doing both. As we studied Hosea and his unfaithful wife Gomer. This week we are studying Isaiah who talks about the sin the chosen people are committing...Adultery is high on all of the lists. The prophets talk about how evil folks are that do these things...of which I yell...YES! There are comments about how the people excuse their own behavior, they reason it out to be OK and try to convince others it is OK to do these things!
So I haven't had to say anything...God speaks loudly for us both...
Yea God! You go!
Wait...God also talks in all of these instances about forgiveness and redemption....shucks...I guess there is more to the story.
much better than I thought! I gave up for Lent bashing Mark.
I have to laugh...It just hit me the other night...I don't have to because God is doing it for me!!!
Scripture we've been studying in Disciple class has been very explicit about adultery and unfaithfulness...as we study the prophets and their condemnation of the Israel people for doing both. As we studied Hosea and his unfaithful wife Gomer. This week we are studying Isaiah who talks about the sin the chosen people are committing...Adultery is high on all of the lists. The prophets talk about how evil folks are that do these things...of which I yell...YES! There are comments about how the people excuse their own behavior, they reason it out to be OK and try to convince others it is OK to do these things!
So I haven't had to say anything...God speaks loudly for us both...
Yea God! You go!
Wait...God also talks in all of these instances about forgiveness and redemption....shucks...I guess there is more to the story.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
get over it
I am sure there are times you read this and say..."Lady, just get over it." In my past I would look at someone who is so absorbed with something like this divorce and would have had no compassion...I would have been the one saying...."Get over it already"....I would now have to eat those words.
It is amazing to me how the feelings just don't go away...you can't talk them away...you can't wish them away...they are always there.
This past weekend we were in Salisbury, Md and went over to Ocean City, Md...and it brought back all kinds of memories of a trip Mark and I took the November before his affair. It was a wonderful trip, we had lots of fun and saw new places. I experienced my nephew's wedding which we would have done together. I always thought family was important to Mark. another lie? I watched a video the other night of him with the kids when they were small...they were saying "Daddy, watch" and he was paying NO attention to them...is that the way it always was and I was too in love to see it? Did I hurt them by staying in a one-sided marriage?
I think it is the disbelief that all you thought was true for 32 years was not true at all. You think about everything he ever said and you question what you were told. Were they all lies?
It doesn't go away as much as you want it to.
I would love to "get over it" if I only knew how.
It is amazing to me how the feelings just don't go away...you can't talk them away...you can't wish them away...they are always there.
This past weekend we were in Salisbury, Md and went over to Ocean City, Md...and it brought back all kinds of memories of a trip Mark and I took the November before his affair. It was a wonderful trip, we had lots of fun and saw new places. I experienced my nephew's wedding which we would have done together. I always thought family was important to Mark. another lie? I watched a video the other night of him with the kids when they were small...they were saying "Daddy, watch" and he was paying NO attention to them...is that the way it always was and I was too in love to see it? Did I hurt them by staying in a one-sided marriage?
I think it is the disbelief that all you thought was true for 32 years was not true at all. You think about everything he ever said and you question what you were told. Were they all lies?
It doesn't go away as much as you want it to.
I would love to "get over it" if I only knew how.
the boys
I only had one melt down this weekend...It was when this photo was being taken...I have three nephews (one was getting married) and with my two sons that makes five boys on my side of the family. These boys are all special young men. They are all that is good in the next generation. They are good dads, they work hard and they have wonderful families. It is amazing that all five have become these great young men. We still have one that is eligible.
When they were younger we would always spend New Year's together. We would stay up until midnight and go outside at midnight and bang pans and scream and welcome in the New Year. I have great memories of them growing up together. As together as a few hundred miles will let you be.
I am so proud of them all. It isn't often they are all together. We decided the last time was my dad's funeral. It was the last time we had a picture of all five of them together. This weekend we did just that. We took a picture of all of them together. Add in the next generation, Zack.
All of these boys had a disappointment in their fathers. They've had to deal with betrayal and lies from the man in their life that was suppose to teach them about values and morals. The good thing is because of this trauma in their lives, I expect great things from them. Family is important to them. Their children are important to them. Thier wives are important to them.
They attend church and are raising their children in faith. Their faith has seen them through the hardships...I am so proud of you boys. You bless this family and the future generations that will come our way.
Monday, April 4, 2011
bay bridge
Bay BridgeYesterday I came across the Bay Bridge. Talk about fear. It scares me to death! Going toward the Md. shore...there are barriers up and you can't see the bay below. But coming back toward Washington DC there are no barriers and you can see the water below. I can taste the fear...it is so scary.
I got in the middle lane and closed my eyes...not really... but I kept focused on the car in front of me and wouldn't look down. But sometimes I just can't resist...and look...yikes!!! I hold my breath and just move forward.
It is the same way I have felt since the divorce. I am so scared I can physically feel the fear. There is a constant knot in my stomach. I am afraid to go forward. I know I need to. I know it is time. The world is moving on, my kids are moving on, Mark is moving on and here I sit. Still crying at night...still fearful that I am not going to survive. No one knows how I feel. No one knows the pain, still after all this time.
What do I need to do? Just like the bridge I need to consentrate on what is ahead of me and move forward. Hold my breath and move forward. Don't look down, just move. Sometimes I question God because I really believed he would bring Mark back to me. I know I don't want that...but why do I feel like I do? I struggle and I search, still. All I can do is ask God to be with me.
tom tom
I've mentioned a couple of times the family Bermuda vacation. On the way, Mark bought a tom tom to get us through New York City, where we were catching the cruise ship. We laughed and called it Deb Deb, because of the sexy voice...had I known what was going on we could have called it Kath Kath. (sorry for that nasty comment!)
This weekend I brought tom tom out of hibernation to get me to the wedding. I knew how to get to a certain point, it was from there on I needed help. That thing scares the bejesus out of me...I'm moving along and suddenly it says "Turn right ahead"...I keep it in my glove compartment and some times it just comes on for no reason...and suddenly you hear a voice. "Merge ahead"...what?? Where did that come from??
Sort of like God...sometimes his voice just comes out of nowhere...we don't know the road ahead and need some help and guidance. Or sometimes we think we are on the road and going pretty good and then wham! his voice telling you to change routes! But I don't want to...
tom tom or God God....
both of them...you need to listen and follow directions so you don't get lost.
This weekend I brought tom tom out of hibernation to get me to the wedding. I knew how to get to a certain point, it was from there on I needed help. That thing scares the bejesus out of me...I'm moving along and suddenly it says "Turn right ahead"...I keep it in my glove compartment and some times it just comes on for no reason...and suddenly you hear a voice. "Merge ahead"...what?? Where did that come from??
Sort of like God...sometimes his voice just comes out of nowhere...we don't know the road ahead and need some help and guidance. Or sometimes we think we are on the road and going pretty good and then wham! his voice telling you to change routes! But I don't want to...
tom tom or God God....
both of them...you need to listen and follow directions so you don't get lost.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Rest areas
It was a long drive to and from the wedding. 8 hours each way. Once I get in the car...I go! Once in a while I need a rest stop and I stop at the rest areas along the interstate. They are just that...a place to stop and rest for a minute.
This weekend was a rest area. We all forgot everything...all of our worries and troubles and just enjoyed family time. We forgot all the drama and enjoyed our time with each other. Lilah, my little granddaughter had a lot of firsts, first time to a wedding and reception, first time to the beach, first time to a restaurant. It was a beautiful wedding and a great, fun reception. We danced and sang Country Roads...for all of the Md folk! They had a hoot of a first dance...they started the nice slow dance everyone was expecting and then broke into Mr. Roboto and kung fu fighting...it was so funny...and was something BJ would do. A good time was had by all.
God is a rest area. When we need rest from our troubles, the drama of real life... go to him for rest.
Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."...doesn't that sound good? I have not slept for three nights...and can't wait to say my prayers tonight and climb into my bed with my pups and sleep. I am taking it all to God and let him have it and then have a good night's sleep.
Tomorrow is back to the real world but today...it is all about rest areas!
This weekend was a rest area. We all forgot everything...all of our worries and troubles and just enjoyed family time. We forgot all the drama and enjoyed our time with each other. Lilah, my little granddaughter had a lot of firsts, first time to a wedding and reception, first time to the beach, first time to a restaurant. It was a beautiful wedding and a great, fun reception. We danced and sang Country Roads...for all of the Md folk! They had a hoot of a first dance...they started the nice slow dance everyone was expecting and then broke into Mr. Roboto and kung fu fighting...it was so funny...and was something BJ would do. A good time was had by all.
God is a rest area. When we need rest from our troubles, the drama of real life... go to him for rest.
Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."...doesn't that sound good? I have not slept for three nights...and can't wait to say my prayers tonight and climb into my bed with my pups and sleep. I am taking it all to God and let him have it and then have a good night's sleep.
Tomorrow is back to the real world but today...it is all about rest areas!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
blessings x 2
Lilah
Ocean CityFriday, April 1, 2011
weddings
This weekend we are celebrating my nephew's wedding. We are all meeting in Md. and for the first time everyone in the family will meet Lilah. It is sure to be a celebration. Not sure there will be much blogging but I will take my laptop. Never know when a God moment will appear.
Weddings bring out emotions. I first found out about Mark's affair the day before we were to leave to attend my niece's wedding. We missed that one.
I found out he was still seeing Kathy two days before my son Justin's wedding. I asked him to leave. That wedding was a blur. I was numb. I had to get up in front of everyone and read the love scripture of 1 Corinthians....I always tell Justin...no wedding could be more fraught with tension than his. He will have a story to tell. In the future if any of his friends talk about being nervous...he can tell his story and they will find comfort, knowing it could be worse!
Now my nephew's. His mom and dad do not live together and there is a girlfriend on the part of my brother and days before the wedding my nephew blew up at mom telling her his true feelings about his dad.
What these men do to their kids. I hope and pray that because these boys have experienced the abandonment and disinterest from their dads they will become parents that care and show their love.
God makes women strong. For some reason he gives them the fortitude and the backbone. He must know the flaws he has put in men and he must know women will need to call on their strength.
In all cases there is another woman involved and I always wonder "what kind of woman sets out to steal someone's husband'? What kind of woman does that? What kind of woman puts herself above the covenant God has blessed? I guess it takes a special one!
My class scripture reading this week is Isaiah. Last night I read...you will be held accountable. You will be called one day to account for your actions. That is where I find peace. One day they will both have to stand before God and tell him the pain they caused. As they stand together to marry in May they will again make a covenant with God, what will God think? Didn't I do this once already? Will he bless it?
God works in mysterious ways...Weddings bring such memories.
Weddings bring out emotions. I first found out about Mark's affair the day before we were to leave to attend my niece's wedding. We missed that one.
I found out he was still seeing Kathy two days before my son Justin's wedding. I asked him to leave. That wedding was a blur. I was numb. I had to get up in front of everyone and read the love scripture of 1 Corinthians....I always tell Justin...no wedding could be more fraught with tension than his. He will have a story to tell. In the future if any of his friends talk about being nervous...he can tell his story and they will find comfort, knowing it could be worse!
Now my nephew's. His mom and dad do not live together and there is a girlfriend on the part of my brother and days before the wedding my nephew blew up at mom telling her his true feelings about his dad.
What these men do to their kids. I hope and pray that because these boys have experienced the abandonment and disinterest from their dads they will become parents that care and show their love.
God makes women strong. For some reason he gives them the fortitude and the backbone. He must know the flaws he has put in men and he must know women will need to call on their strength.
In all cases there is another woman involved and I always wonder "what kind of woman sets out to steal someone's husband'? What kind of woman does that? What kind of woman puts herself above the covenant God has blessed? I guess it takes a special one!
My class scripture reading this week is Isaiah. Last night I read...you will be held accountable. You will be called one day to account for your actions. That is where I find peace. One day they will both have to stand before God and tell him the pain they caused. As they stand together to marry in May they will again make a covenant with God, what will God think? Didn't I do this once already? Will he bless it?
God works in mysterious ways...Weddings bring such memories.
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