cutting grass

I just want to say...as much as I complain about cutting grass...I really love it...and this time of year requires it.  Remember the saying about April showers.  Our weather has been nothing but showers...which makes the grass grow and it rains so much you can't cut the grass...a vicious cycle...I cut it this past Sunday when it was so beautiful...got a little sun burn...it was great...rained the next four days and cut it again on day 5...looks like it has never been touched...I now know what growing like a weed means.

This probably makes the 7th or 8th time I've cut it just this year...I get on that tractor and just go to town...I sing...think and sometimes just let my mind wander. I still am not brave enough to tackle the hills.

Tonight I didn't want to come in...it was beautiful outside...blue, blue skies...more sun...got a little on my nose...what more could you ask for?  The dogs are like me...they want to spend every waking minute outside...last night they were passed out all over the living room wishing I would go to bed! 

Contentment is all I can think...I am so content...and happy in my own skin.  How does that happen?  It must be a weather thing...I get mopey when it is gloomy and I am bright and chipper when it is sunny...makes sense to me!!

Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
Sounds like a good life doesn't it!
I'm feeling it!

chasing your tail

I talk a lot about my dogs but they are very entertaining!!  Lil' Guy...the youngest and nuttiest will chase his tail...you think after the 100th time he would catch on that this is not possible and it hurts when he does catch it...

Around and around...even when he is going to sleep at nigiht he goes around and around...settling in...until he is almost right on top of me...then he snuggles down and slowly his eyes droop...

This divorce has been like chasing my tail...just by reading these posts I am sure you can see how I go round and around on the emotional merry-go-round...I am doing better...then I hit a rough spot...I get real confident again...then hit a wall...on and off the merry-go-round...i read and learn...hit the bottom and then bounce back...i am hoping it will get better..soon it will be two years since Mark started his affair with a woman he dated in college and looked up on Facebook...and invited her to lunch which started it all...of course I knew none of this...it is amazing how you can live with someone for 32 years and not have a clue what they are doing when they are not with you or who they are doing it with.

I always thought I was a smart and independant woman...didn't need anything but I found when this happened Mark was my rock...he kept the home fires burning while I traveled and enjoyed my job.  I didn't know he wasn't happy...I didn't have a clue...my tail chasing started early...I was chasing it back then as I tried to keep everyone happy from family to work to church...I tried to keep it all juggling and he is the ball that fell.

I am so sorry for dropping that ball...I am sad for all that was lost...forgive me my kids, forgive me my grandkids...I love you all..and am so sorry for the part I had in causing you pain...

Lora and I had a real heart to heart the other day and discussed my part in the marriage failing how I didn't have or make time for Mark...and I do realize that was my sin...I didn't want to be home ...i found the joy in my life in other places...not with him...I am so sad, I am paying for my sins...

God has shown me the greed I had...he has shown me the importance I put on my church, my job and my home...I now know I don't need any of it...I am willing to give it all up and move and start over...I don't need any of it...the home, the job...none of it matters...only my God and family...i know my priorities...

Where do I go from here...where God leads me.