my dogs

Binkie

As you know...I love my pups...
Last night...not so much!
I came in from work ...first thing I always do is walk out back with the dogs...they run and wrestle...while I stand and stare into space thinking of all I have to do.  I didn't realize my front door did not latch.

As I talk to Vena and Sissie and Freckles, I look up to see Binkie and Lil' Guy streak by the fence.  I watch them run to the horse farm next door.  I hear the little beagles bark next door...I know where they are...I watch the little boy run to the house....I am going to kill them!

I go get leashes...and there they go...I know not to give chase...that makes them worse...so I walk to the creek...they are right with me the entire time but just far enough away...there they go...into the scummy creek...with green algae and pond scum...yuk...they are in heaven!!

I start to cuss and head to the house...let them run away...they will never have it so nice...ever again!!
I am fuming!!
I feed the other dogs...Lil' guy is easy...he comes to the fence wondering where I went...so he comes right in.
Binkie is the tough one!
I know she likes food...
I want to leave by 5pm...it is now 5:15.  I am going to kill her when I catch her!
I put her food out...no good...she comes close and makes a u-turn...I go water the flowers...and pay no attention.  She doesn't understand why...why don't I chase?  It would be such fun!
Finally I out think her...she always comes running when I pour dry food into a bowl...it makes a dribble sound on the metal...so I do it...and here she comes.  She chows down and I throw a little extra food in there because I am a pushover!

I threaten them with euthanasia...especially when they come inside and head for my bed!

the artist's way

For years I practiced one of the principals of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron.  When I would get up in the morning I would write three pages of long hand about anything that came into my head.  I could write help if that was in my head, for three pages. 

Tonight while cleaning out my church office I found a notebook I had written back in 2007 and started to read it.  I was amazed with what clarity I could see things...every time Mark was mentioned I talked about how he hurt my feelings with his comments.  I should have taken the time to go back and re-read it  back in 2008.   It would have saved me real heartache. 

It starts:
Yesterday on Oprah it asked us to use 5 words to describe our marriage.  I would have to say words that aren't real romantic but are probably healthy.(WRONG)
safe: we are safe with each other-I can rely on Mac for anything and I hope he knows he can do the same.

loving: our love sometimes may not be clear to others but if you spend any time around us you know the small touches and stolen pecks are signs of a deep love.  This is a 50 year marriage. (Boy was I a fool!)

strong: Family is so important to both of us..we feel great loyalty and love with family and that only makes us stronger. (oh, please...talk about dysfunctional family!)

loyal: (You will love this one...after the fact!)  I have NO doubt that my hubby would ever cheat on me.  I tease him unmercifully but I know he is true blue and it would totally shock me (yes it did) if anyone told me Mark McHenry was messing around.

supportive:  He truly is of me.
OH PLEASE!!
So, what la la land was I living in?  I go on to talk about the cup half full and half empty...I could talk about the negative in our relationship but it is the positive that is so important...

Boy are there hidden sub tones in this bunch of crap.  half empty it was! but I didn't want to see it...I guess there are always tell-tale signs about a relationship.  Girls, take my advice and look...save yourself the grief...I know there is positive from this...I have met a really nice guy...I see my boys healing daily...please don't let that glass be half full again!  Let me go into all of it with my eyes wide open...none of this la la stuff...and watch for the signs that are right in front of me. Poor guy doesn't know what he is getting into!!

if not now then when

"Life...is for most of us one long postponement." Henry Miller

I have been such a slacker lately...I don't want to do anything but play and piddle...can you imagine!  Well, and cut grass.  Last night as I was cutting grass I thought this must be when you know it is time to retire.  When you don't want to go to work and you just want to stay at home and play.

But the thing is...you have to work to get money so you CAN stay home and play! 

I hate to think when I am laying on my deathbed I am thinking "why".   Why didn't I do this?  Why didn't I do that?  Why didn't I tell someone something?

Most of us put off things, things we would really like to do as much as things we really don't want to do.  I have always wanted to open a book store.  Why aren't I doing it?  What is holding me back?

I have always wanted to spend time in my art.  It is all sitting in my living room.  Why aren't I doing it? 

I always want to exercise more. ..but find excuses not to get up early enough to walk or use the treadmill.  But, I can get up early to get on here.

Doesn't make a lot of sense does it.  What is Jesus had put off everything he was to do.  What if he had postponed his date with Jerusalem?  What if he had just gone into the hills and played not preached?  What if he told those he was to heal to just wait a while? Where would we be today?

I need a swift kick in the butt to get myself going...no more slacking...no more postponing...What are you postponing?  What are you putting off?  The fun stuff? The tough stuff?

Make a pact with me...this new month we are at least going to start it!  OK?

back to reality

Sucks!

It is back to reality this Monday morning.  Back to work.  Back to my everyday life.
I want to go back...storm and all...I want that feeling of peace, tranquility and hope.

If we could only take the beach home with us!  I brought the shells to remind me.
I think I am going to put them on my desk.  Just so I will remember that feeling.

I wonder what the beach looks like today...that peaceful place I saw on Friday....what does it look like now after Irene?

See even that special beach is back to reality for it too!

perfection

I know I've talked over and over about perfection...Is there any such thing as a perfect day?
The answer is YES!!
I had one yesterday.  I read in A Gift from the Sea.."a perfect day plucked from a normal life."  That's what I had.  I tried to think what made it so perfect.
I spent the day with things I loved.  I spent the morning at Annmarie Gardens enjoying the great outdoors, fairies and art.  That afternoon I headed for the deserted beach (due to Hurricane Irene) and enjoyed reading laying on the beach...walking and shelling when I wanted to...just enjoying the sun and surf.  I picked up shells to remind me of this perfect day.
The bay brings no commercialism.  It is just the bay...so different from the hustle of the beach...The bay is littered with tons of shell pieces...shells broken apart by years of churning and tossing...they lead you into the water...yesterday there were jellyfish everywhere.  I am sure churned up by the storm...large ones...

The sky was azure blue with white clouds, the sun was out...I laid on the beach and read and re-read.
It was pure heaven.
Today I left due to the evacuation...I want to take that feeling back home with me.  That feeling of peace and tranquility and perfect balance of it all.

I laughed...the day that two years ago brought me so much pain this year brought me so much joy....and the eve of that awful day this year brought me something new that included lots of special (that's one for you Nick and Jenn...tip the glass!) laughter and smiles. What a special special day...and it will forever now be associated with all of these good and perfect things.  God does have a plan.  Oh, thank goodness I was still and listened...

God is good all the time!

memories

I saw this today in Annamaries Gardens and thought I would investigate it more and share.  I also saw the quote...memory is a form of renewal...it offers a second chance.  Enjoy.

Wanting Memories by Y. Barnwell
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
You used to rock me in the cradle of your arms,
You said you'd hold me till the pains of life were gone.
You said you'd comfort me in times like these and now I need you,
Now I need you, and you are gone.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty,
But I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.
Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place,
Here inside I have few things that will console.
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life,
Then I remember all the things that I was told.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when i was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh, made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things, for they are true.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I thought that you were gone, but now I know you're with me,
You are the voice that whispers all I need to hear.
I know a please a thank you and a smile will take me far,
I know that I am you and you are me and we are one,
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand,
I know that I've been blessed again, and over again.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me,
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes

today...another year!

I am at the shore....got up early this morning because I wanted to catch the sunrise.  My phone is dead...one of those things I am so bad about...so I couldn't take a picture but decided I would have to describe the sunrise.  It was beautiful..A box of Crayolas..orange and yellow sunburst with pinks, fuscia, purple, lavender... streaks of blue, azure...the colors were all there. 

I had a meet turn into a date last night.  That's all I am going to say....I might add it was a 10!

Two years ago today I found out about Mark and decided to come back to the place where I found forgiveness last year.  This is a very special place to me and continues to become more special.

I took a five mile walk this morning to go experience the sunrise and got caught in a downpour about two miles into the walk.  I am soaking right now.  But it all feels good. I can't tell what is sweat and what is rain.  Boats are being pulled from the water as the town gets ready for hurricane Irene.

As I walked this morning I looked back over the past year and thought about all that has happened.  Last year I left here to go with Sarah and Justin to their first ultrasound where we found out Lilah would be Lilah!  We welcomed her into our family in December,  a late Christmas gift...and I was there and experienced her birth and watched my son feel all of the emotions.  I said goodbye to my Taylor and Zack.  I missed Nick as he left in January for a new life in Washington and I started wine nights with Jennifer and we became close friends as we discussed life and took care of life without men. I took a Disciple class and made new friends.  I questioned God.  Went back to therapy during the holidays and started new holiday traditions.

I started a new relationship with my ex-sister-in-law and I started to date.  You know it was a big deal for me to give my email or phone number to a man! There has only been one man...I found out I am not much of a floozie! Couldn't resist an urban dictionary definition!  Floozie:  What your Grandma calls a hoochie.  used in a sentence:

"That Paris Hilton just looks like a floozie to me," Grandma said, though of course we couldn't understand her without her teeth. (makes me laugh)

I continue to be blessed by God and he continues to walk with me, urge me and love me and I am grateful for his grace. 

I am happy and I think I realized that fact this year.  I am happy alone or not.  Greg asked me last night what I've learned through all of this and I said " I can survive" and I have.  Sometimes it takes someone a lifetime to find themselves or they never do.  This past year, I've found me and I like me.

This morning was a beautiful sunrise on a new year.  I can't wait to experience all God has planned for me and I am open to all of it.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
Thank you God!

good ol oyster shells

Guess what I found on the beach today...good ol oyster shells...told you I couldn't let them just lay there!! I picked them up but not all of them...They are like me!  Well used, worn out and ready for phase II of their life.  I will take good care of them.

too serious

i have been way too serious lately...so a funny Kim story...I came home the other day and my eye was bothering me so I decided to put some antibiotic eye drops in....I took it out of the cupboard and thought gosh that burns, really bad...my eye must be infected..I took a closer look at the bottle...it was ear drops.  One time I put dog eye drops in my eye...it burned, too. I handed it to one of my church kids when it started burning so bad and she said "it says for dog use only"!

What's that scripture about can't see the twig in your neighbor's eye for the log in your own!! Maybe I need to re-read all of that..

I am heading east today...I am lucky and watching my baby granddaughter sleep right now.
How blessed can one person be?

oyster shell

So this is the next shell Anne mentions.  It is the oyster shell.  That shell that is used as a house for the oyster.  It is like our home...it is pushed trying to add space for all that is inside it...In mine there are five dogs and me!  But at one time there were kids, grand kids, a husband, friends and so much more.  I live for the day when my house teems again with love and excitement.

Those are the years when a marriage is growing...I love a line from Saint Exupery " Love does not consist in gazing at each other...but looking outward in the same direction."  Think about in the middle of your marriage when you are building on relationships with your kids, with your family, with your friends, you are establishing yourself in your career, you find your spiritual life....you are forming a network that expands and grows...think how your relationship grows as you add these shared experiences and it is firm and loyal.

Many people don't pick up these oyster shells...they are ugly really and rather awkward...it is functional not beautiful like the double sunrise.  It was me at the end of my marriage.  I was the solid functional  one...not the exciting sunrise shell made up of romance like Kathy.  How can that compete? 

I will not pass up an oyster shell on this trip because to it I can relate.  I will pick up every oyster shell because it is me.  I am solid, like it.  I have housed many just like it and now all of that is past.  What is my new shell?  What will I house next?

An oyster shell reminds us of this new stage in life...having shed struggles, having shed worldly ways and materialism...we are finally free to be our self.  Like the oyster shell that has housed many is now free to toss and go...I am finally free to grow in heart, in mind, in spirit...wow...as Anne Lindbergh says "you may find you even outgrow the oyster shell".

I will not pass an oyster shell on the beach.

double sunrise shell

I've only seen this shell once in all of my beach trips...I think it was when the boys and I were at Rehoboth and I saw all kinds of shells that trip.  I now think of them as gifts to always remind me of the solitude and peace of the beach.  They sit throughout my house and it is like they always call me back. They remind me of the peace I find at the shore.  Tomorrow I am heading east to the shore and can not wait for all this books reminds me.  The book is "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.

This shell is a rare one.  Both sides are exactly the same.  They are identical to each other.  You wonder how it survived the pounding of the waves.  To Anne it reminds her of relationships.  How appropriate for me this week when I celebrate the two year anniversary of finding out about Mark.  Both sides are perfect and aligned with each other...just like at the start of a relationship.  The first part of any relationship is pure.  Perfect.  But we know they don't continue like that.  They get tossed and pitched with life's storm and sometimes they break apart like this shell easily does sometimes.  But to find one intact is such a special gift.  To find one whole and true...that has survived the tossing and churning of life...it a testament to a relationship.  Two people listening to each other...two shells meeting each other, making one world between them.  No other is in perfect unity of that instant. 

I am assuming Anne's husband or maybe she has had an extramarital relationship because she refers to how a love affair cannot bring back a sense of identity.  Another relationship is just the emotion of that first pure relationship...all of them get old and functional at some time. It may be good today but it will get old like the last one.  She speaks from experience when she talks how some relationships can never recover once the shell has been broken.

She goes on to say True identity is found only in oneself.  The double sunrise reminds her of two halves coming together at one point to make a whole.   Two flawless halves bound together with a single hinge, meeting at every point.

I am heading to the shore tomorrow and I will look for a double sunrise shell.  That pure love that may exist...that first love...relationships are a world to themselves.

She closes by stating...The sunrise shell has the eternal validity of all beautiful and fleeting things. 
She understands how I feel.

that moon shell

After several days I'm back to that moon shell.  I have a tiny one sitting on my nightstand.
I dusted around it yesterday.  Yes it looks just like this.

it is beautiful and it does have the one speck in the middle...I looked at it closely....as close as these eyes will let me look and see clearly.

This shell gave me my Epiphany about be still and listen...but it also tells me there is a need for solitude.  We need to replenish ourselves.  To take time for being alone...you probably say...easy for you to say...I have kids, a husband, family, work... that is only the first step toward finding yourself...Knowing you need to be alone sometimes..    I have to also find out how to feed my soul.  How to still my soul long enough to give it some nourishment.  We sometimes think by filling our lives with activities we will find the answer among all of the busyness...but that is all it is...busy work... we need solitude...down time...time to fill up our cup.

Moon shell reminds me there is only one moon and there is only one me...this week I am leaving alone and heading to the shore.  I am going to spend several days relaxing and being alone. solitude. I will visit museums, gardens, the beach...things I love to do and I will replenish...and think of moon shell.  This little shell reminds me to be still and listen and to be alone...for renewal...I will also celebrate two years of being alone...of solitude...of jumping off the edge and realizing I landed just fine...two years ago this week I found out about my ex husband and his unfaithfulness...I have vowed to myself each year this will be a time of renewal and rejuvination...a celebration of the newness I've found. 

God has been so good to me and continues to be.

stand up

I just watched a great movie called "Made in Dagenham".  I love movies that make you jump online and dig  until you know more.  The women that worked in the Ford motor company plant in Dagenham, England went on strike and took on the company for equal pay for women.  We still don't have that today!  Women in this country, the most industrial country in the world,  still make much less than men for the mere fact we don't have a penis.  Makes sense to me.

I worked in an all male environment for years and knew where I stood with the "boys"  and come to think of it...that was a lot of the same thought process I felt at home...what did I know...I was just a woman. Those boys would take care of the hard stuff.  We could just plan the parties.  I remember something happening one time at work and being told...the boys will intercede and take care of it.  Bull puckey!  They once again made a giant mess of something us women would have handled so differently.
Guess what...I know lots and learn more every day.  But...I digress.

The Ford women machinists made history.  Their actions inspired the Equal Pay Act of 1970 that took five years to enact and still doesn't really do what it was intended to do.  BUT and there was a big one..they stood up for what is right...what does that old prophet Micah say about "let justice roll down like water"...
Standing up for what is right is just that...and in this instance a machinist named Rita O'Grady...stepped up and stood up for all of us women and demanded...that things be made right...and they were squeezed by men at every turn...the Ford execs, the union leadership, the prime minister, but they NEVER wavered in their battle.  Wow.

We should take note and read the stories of women who went before us and made so much possible for us women today.  What a road they have paved for all of us.  I have probably made a rebel of young Taylor as I continually tell her she is equal to any boy and can do anything she wants.  So can you.  One person CAN make a difference.  Young women in middle school and high school you have a lot to live up to...just like I do....we have to insure we pave the way for others that will follow and always keep in the forefront scripture that tells us to "stand up" for what is right....and to demand that "justice rolls down like water" for all.  There is a cause out there with your name on it!!

nervous habits

I have several of them...nervous habits...I am one of those constant movers...something on me is moving all the time...at church last week while sitting in the balcony...Lora said stop shaking your leg it was making noises under us.

Yep...I am right now flicking my foot...it is moving...up and down.

Other habits I have are...I run my hand through my hair...back away from my face.  I hate to tell people these things but I am sure they have noticed...I am forever pushing my hair back.

The other is the pen clicking....I seem to always have a pen in hand...and if I am walking anywhere at work...it is clicking...click-click-click-click-  People know when I am coming in their direction!

 We had a stressful end of our day yesterday and I walked into my fellow employee's office and he was eating and I had a pretzel rod in my hand and realized we were doing the nervous eating thing.

Why do we do these things?  What are we so nervous about?  Some people just get down right NASTY when they are nervous.  I work with several people like that...the end of day person yesterday.  Why do people get nasty?  I just don't get it.  I find I just don't respond.  They know they are nasty and hateful.  I'm not going to tell them anything new!

I had Disciple class last night.  It was all about LOVE.  It was first Corinthians which includes the love chapter.  We also read the one prior to (chapter 12) and the one following (chapter 14).  I shared how I had to get up and read Chapter 13 at Justin's wedding, two days after asking Mark to leave due to adultery.  Not an easy thing to do.  I could only look at Sarah and Justin and stress the words to them as they started their new life together.

To do things in love.  Everything God does for and to us is done in love.  Never doubt that.  Maybe those nervous habits are out of love, too.  I'll remind folks at work today as I'm clicking that pen that I love them!!

****Seriously now!! I went on urban dictionary looking for something else and the word of the day...push pen anxiety.

A psychological state characterized by one's excessive push-in push-out of his or her retractable pen; due to stress or boredom.

*click click* *click click*
Use it in a sentence:  That kid at the back of the class has a serious case of push pen anxiety.

Wow ask and you recieve!!

 

The Lake Isle at Innisfree

Once again, I feel this was written for me! Solitude and listening...where you find peace...oh the quiet life we all hope to lead...

The Lake Isle at Innisfree

W.B. Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,

I hear it in the deep heart’s core.

moon shell

This looks just like the one I have sitting on my desk.  I found it at Rehoboth in December of '09 with the boys.  A gift at my feet.  See how the circle goes into one point.  One.  Solitude.  I figured it out.  I know everyone can tell you but sometimes you just have to figure it out on your own.

The be still and listen.  I get it.  I understand it now.

This is my time of solitude.  Just like this moon shell.  I've been wrapped in layers.  going around and around until I got to the middle where there is only me.  solitude.   In these past two weeks of no TV, no noise, no clutter....I have listened to God....all awhile thinking I wasn't hearing anything...it was because I wasn't listening...I was anxious, waiting for what I was suppose to hear.  It was in the quiet of last night I got it.  That "aha" moment.  When he said..."this is my gift to you" this solitude.  I was reading from "Gift from the Sea" which I've mentioned lately.  Ms. Lindbergh was talking about solitude and the shell above that reminds us of this oneness. 

 I have seen this shell daily.  I have picked it up and put it down.  I have played with it while doing business.  I have worried it while on the phone.  It held a message I didn't know and I got it last night.

The book last night talked about how afraid we are to be alone.  It frightens us so much we never allow it to happen.  We choke our space with continuous "noise clutter".  I have said a zillion times...I turn the TV on for background noise.  But this solitude brings us harmony.  Harmony with all around us.  Right now I notice the loud cricket on the back porch.  The slight breeze blowing through the door.  The dog snoring at my feet.  Vena limping to me.  Without silence I would have never noticed the small things that are so important in and to my life.  What a revelation.  What a gift.

How can you get to know others when you are a stranger to yourself?  You can't.   If you are out of touch with yourself you can not get in touch with others.  Wow. 

Lord...I get it...I will be still and listen.  I will listen in this blessed calm of the morning.  In the quiet of the night.  In the moon, stars and daybreak.  I will listen...and in the solitude I will welcome myself home.

shedding that shell

Remember that whelk shell that was shed.

Just think when you are at the beach the things you shed....
clothes...no not like that!! You just don't need a closet full at the beach...you only have a suitcase full.  I know I don't worry about what to wear and sometimes wear the same 'ol thing over and over.  We lose our vanity.

shelter...we don't need the airtight, everything I need at home house.  Sometimes just give me a couch or some place to lay my head.  I will stay in a tent!  I am not fancy.  I don't want to clean it either.  It doesn't matter to me at the beach.  Guess what...it shouldn't matter that much at home either! Our puritan obsession with cleanliness leaves us at the beach.

Lastly we shed the impression others have of us...we seem to lose all vanity at the beach.  Who cares what anyone thinks.  I'll never see these people again. I walk in the morning in as little clothes as possible...what's it matter.  I eat what I want...I eat when I want...I lay in bed all day and read if I want...wow!  How liberating...

Ask yourself how little you really need.  How little it really takes to make you happy.  Think how happy you are at the beach with so little.  You might just be surprised.  It is all just stuff!

I can't take the beach home with me (wish I could) but I take that little whelk shell and I sit it on my desk at work.  Sometimes I pick it up and sand still falls out of it.  That makes me smile.

Just like that whelk or that crab who make this shell a temporary home...we are the same...it is only temporary this home we have.  This home at the beach.  But it makes us realize we can shed those "things" and only keep those things that are important in our daily life. 

Think of it this way, too.  Our home here on earth is only temporary.  By grace, we are given a permanent home where none of those things will matter either...clothes, shelter, worry.  They will all be gone in an instant.  Our heavenly home will be our forever home...the one we will not want to shed.

a new week

Last week was such a hellish week.  All the way around for some reason it was just tough.  Work was tough.  Home was tough.  I was on a roll.  My mouth wouldn't stay shut.  No television (still none).  It was like I am walking on the edge and teetering.

Lora and I had a long discussion on Saturday about our "be still and listen" scripture.  She said...I know I am going to be saying goodbye to you.  I know this time you are spending now is your "be still" time.  You are learning...  finding Kim and once you do...you will be out of here.

She is right...without TV cluttering my mind and taking up my time...I am really reading and learning and listening.  It is a new day.  I have found my love of music again.  I am playing all kinds of new music.  I am reading and re-reading old favorites.  I am watching old movies and falling in love with them all over again.  What a special time it has been for me.  I have stayed home and spent time with me.  Stopped my running and filling time and just STOPPED.  How special.

I've spent time with God.  I've questioned.  I've listened. I've read his word.  Morning and night.   I am learning always.  What is and what is expected.  What he feels on certain subjects.  I can't get away from adultery.  So I'm either being told it is OK to move on or I am being warned not to do it to someone!  I am trying to figure out which.  But I will be still and listen.

I had a wonderful dinner with my niece this past weekend.  As two adult women we discussed kids, dogs, family and love.  It was a wonderful moment for me.  Suddenly we weren't aunt and niece but two women with lots to share.  It was great.  We were up until 2:00 a.m. which made me feel like an old lady the next day...but...it was wonderful. Thank you Brenda!

This week is going to be a good week.  I can tell already.

let my love open the door

You know when tragedy befalls  you...you think it isn't possible...so, sing a long now..you know the words!!
Let my love open the door.
Pete Townsend
Let my love open the door

When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart I have the only key to your heart
I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only one thing's gonna set you free
That's my love
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

urban dictionary

So, I've used urban dictionary references several times on this blog.  Believe it or not my pastor mentioned urban dictionary once during a sermon which got me hooked on the site.

I love the definitions which are written by normal people just like you and me...well maybe not quite too normal!

I was mentioning my exploring of UD to my intern and he gave me that look....like what are you doing on there...you really shouldn't be doing that...so that's when I knew I had to really look around the site.  He looked very afraid!

Today I was writing my evening blog about my nervous habits so thought I would see what they said about the subject...nothing...nada

Then  I remembered Scott saying...put your name in there some time...you won't believe what people associate with your name....so I did....Oh my!!!

It was really good stuff...Kim's are hot!  Big boobs (obviously not this Kim!) nice bottoms (obviously not this Kim) but everything was nice about Kim's...oh one or two bad references but out of about 12 to 15 not bad. 

I like this urban dictionary...and will be happy to continue being a Kim! and I think I will go do some writing of my own on there....I have a couple of definitions for a Mark!

channeled whelk

I've decided to keep on the theme of "Gift from the Sea" because it is so me right now.  As I make major life decisions. 

The first shell Anne Morrow Lindbergh (yes she is the wife of Charles Lindbergh)  talks about is the one above.  The channeled whelk.   When the boys and I were at the beach a few years ago we found a ton of these that had come ashore following a storm.  It was such a treat to us because we never see these where we vacation.  But here they were...lots of them on a beach.

A welk lives inside the shell and many of those we found had been shed with nothing living inside.   I wonder what that little fellow looks like.  I talked to Zack and Taylor last night on the way home from the ocean.   They told me about finding a shell with a crab in it and they picked it up not knowing and it scared them so!

The welks we found had been shed.  Sometimes we need to shed things in our lives.  As women we are asked to take care of so much.  Sometimes it is ok to say "no".  Think of the many hats you wear.  How do we keep it all going?  When a hat gets a little too tight and needs removed...it isn't always easy to take it off. 

A great quote from the book is: " This is not the simplicity but the life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of.  It leads not to unification but to fragmentation.  It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul." It is ok to simplify our lives...to downsize...to start smaller.  The beach does that to us.  We live with less...we concentrate less...we do less...we relax...and like that channeled whelk we need to shed some things and simplify to a shell we can carry easily!

you say goodbye and I say hello

This Sunday has been a day of hellos and a day of goodbyes.

This Sunday the new 6th graders coming up to youth were welcomed.  We hung out at church...wandered around and looked around...we went into every nook and crannies of the church.  We hung out in the kitchen and cooked our own pizza and talked about middle school that starts on Friday.  It is a new beginning for these kids as they get ready to come to Middle School and experience all that is youth at CLUMC.

This Sunday I said goodbye to a friend.  Jerry Taylor was married to Floyd Taylor.  Floyd was one of the youth's biggest supporters.  I loved Floyd.  When you first met him he scared you to death but the more  you knew him, he had a smile and you would know he was just pulling your leg!  Floyd was married to Jerry and she was the softer side of Floyd.  She also was a great supporter and after Floyd died I went through my chaos and she was always here for me.  She would tell me she loved me.  She would hug me.  She would hold me and let me cry.  Thank you Jerry.  Two years later we sat early one Sunday morning and just cried together as we talked about losing the men we loved.  She told me she thought I had it tougher...she knew where Floyd was and what he was doing.  We cried again.  I cherish her and today I said goodbye as she leaves our area to move to Huntington with her son and his family.

Life changes and life goes on.  But sometimes the change is hard to take.  It was a day of hellos and a day of goodbyes.

gift from the sea

Since 1999 I have read off and on the book by Anne Morrow Lindbergh "Gift from the Sea".  I think since that time...which blows my mind...12 years ago...I've been struggling trying to find "me".  Who  I was, what I believed, what I wanted out of my life...maybe the divorce was inevitable from that time forward because I knew as we had aged Mark was not the person I would be with.  I wanted someone to discuss with...someone who loved to learn...someone who talked current events, politics, plays and books.  I knew that in my heart...but it took 12 years to find it in my soul!!

Today I opened "Gift from the Sea" again...you know how things speak to you differently at different times of your life...it is yelling at me now...I am to the point I am laughing about this!

Be still and listen...that scripture I can't hide from... keeps coming back...I must really not be getting this!! or listening the way I should.

The book starts off introducing you to the beach.
It talks about how you go to the beach with all of these intentions...to read...to write...to work...and it doesn't happen because the beach takes over and you become one with it...you walk, you wade, you lay...and it takes a week for the harriedness to seep out of you...then suddenly your mind kicks in and things start moving in there....but not in the way you planned...it thinks new thoughts...new ideas...
you patiently watch for things to appear.  You experience the beach in new ways.

Shells, stones, glass...they are all gifts...you don't want to dig for them or look for them or chase to get them...YUK...that doesn't make it a gift...Patience...and faith...those things will be presented to you...like a gift from the sea!  The sea will lay them at your feet...that perfect conch shell...the beautiful colors of a moon shell...if you have the patience and faith. 

I am so ready to stick my toes in some sand and see what I will be gifted with!  A gift from the sea....

who reads this

In the past I would carefully word this blog with a thought to who may be reading it....like the boys, Nick and Justin...I was very careful of what I said and how I said it because I didn't want to embarrass them. I know their friends read it and I would never intentionally cause anyone undue blushing!

My pastor Greg  and I were having a discussion one night and at the end of a hearty exchange of words as I was ready to walk out the door he said "I read your blog".  I immediately did a quick recap thinking "what have I ever said about him"...and realized...I can't take it back now.  Doesn't matter.  You can't write it thinking about who is reading it.

After a while you forget who might actually be reading this  and just go to town spilling your guts and writing.   When the mood hits you...you just write, honestly and from the heart...I keep a list of topic ideas but I never know what is going to come from my fingers pecking on the keys.  I have always loved to write but was never sure what type of work I would write...I think I have found my forte...I have found my calling.

My love of God and my honest questioning I hope make it work.  I hope I ask the questions you've always wanted to ask and may have been afraid to.  I could get away with it for awhile because everyone felt sorry for me because of what happened.  I couldn't count on that pity forever and hope it still isn't like that.  I do backslide occasionally and throw myself a big ol pity party.  I think (personal opinion) we don't grow in our relationship with God without questions.  In any relationship you don't get to know someone without asking those questions...to pry, dig and know more. We don't just start out loving someone...we have to get to know them better.  Hence, the questions.  It's the same way with God.  He wants to know us better and we him.

God wants a great relationship with us and invites those hard questions...he can't wait to answer us!! I'm sure his answers are way better than mine.  I am sure his sense of humor shines through!

a good pen is hard to find

I love a good pen....one that writes just right...smoothly...fits your hand perfectly...doesn't glob...that is one of those fetishes I have.

I have been known to steal a pen...not on purpose...but I am forever walking off with one...it you are like me...you know your pens!

If you are old like me... we learned to write cursive with the neatest pen...I can't remember the name of it...but they were shaped funny with a bulb at one end that you wrapped your fingers around...what were they called?? They fit your hand perfectly!

Sometimes I like a pen that writes hot pink....you know something a little different that says....STOP! look at what this says.

I love a good pen!
I bet God has things he really loves, too.  I bet he loves a sunset...with all the vibrancy...all the color...over the ocean...all of that color reflecting in the ocean...Wow!! I like that too.

I bet she, God that is, loves a prayer...especially if it is from a long lost someone he has not heard from in awhile...can you imagine the smile God gets?

I doubt God writes...maybe...there is the bible you know...but he can probably have any pen he wants...he probably uses a quill...I have this vision...

OK what else would God love...children...I know it...loves them and when one is born I bet he rejoices...and puppies...because I love them I bet he does too!!

I've mentioned the book over and over by Cynthia Rylant...one of my favorite authors with WV ties!
God Went to Beauty School
here's one for you
God bought a couch

He ordered it from Pottery Barn
and He had a little trouble
because His credit card
billing address didn't match
the delivery address.
They weren't totally convinced
He was God
Because for one thing
He got His credit card bills in Hell
(just His quirky
sense of humor)
and He wanted the
couch shipped to Heaven
(the old one was too hard)
but they didn't buy it
until He told them
how He made the first
rhinoceros
He had it all down,
the DNA, the chromosomes
and especially the
Holy Spirit.
Nobody is as convincing
about the Holy Spirit
as God
They asked Him did
He want corduroy or leather
He said, "What do
you think?"

I love getting the credit card bills in hell!!! Someone today said they were afraid of God...in my mind God is going to be a hoot!  I bet Jesus rolls his eyes about God and what he does and says just like my boys roll theirs!
I love God!

cool nights

Someone the other night at Disciple class asked if it was a full moon...as I got out of my car tonight I noticed...yep...it sure is...that may explain a lot of the attitude.

The other thing it is...cool evenings...the kind of evenings when you wrap in a blanket and lay on the back porch and count the stars in the sky.  What a special kind of night...

The pups are quiet and laying with me and there is peace in the world.
All is good.  All is as it should be.
Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place.

I pulled my Irish blessings book off the shelf just now and it fell open to

A Prayer for the Spirit
Spirit of Wisdom and Love, help me to hear your voices feel your gentle winds, see your footprints, taste your sweetness, smell your perfume  Grant that I may always be open to your whisperings and ready to be inspired by the flames of your passionate love.  I ask this of you and the father and the son.
Amen.
There it is again... that quiet and whispering...be still and listen!
I am all ears!

holy spirit lead me

Back to my Disciple class last night...we read at one point in the book of Acts how the Holy Spirit did not allow Paul and Silas to go into Asia.  The Holy Spirit actually demanded they not go.  That struck me as so odd.

Let me actually give you the scripture (what was funny in every bible it was different and they seemed to get less dire in every translation.) 
Acts 16: 7
...and they were trying to go into Bithynia, and the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them. (was how mine read)

Jesus did not allow them to go.  He had other plans for them.  I know the feeling.  I told you last year about my journey to Solomons Island in Md and how I had other plans.  I was heading for Boston.  God had other plans.  She led me to Md where I experienced the joy of forgiveness and the joy of hope.  I had a trans-formative experience that I would have never had in Boston.  God knew what I needed and when I needed it.  She knew what I was struggling with and what I needed to hear and she (my blog from yesterday!!) provided it to me.

I understand how Paul followed where the Lord led him.  I never question any more...I go where he sends me.  I think there is a song there....

children go where I send thee...by Johnny Cash! Enjoy...

paul the televangalist

In our craziness last night we really discussed Paul.  At one point I chimed in (remember the mood I was in!) and said "I really don't like Paul".  If I was watching TV he would be the slick televangelist that would be asking for money or for me to buy his book or lecture series.  That is just the feeling I get from him.  I may get and like his message but I don't actually care for the messenger.

Aren't there people today out there preaching that you like the message but don't like to watch them?  Joel Olsteen is one for me and TD Jakes for that matter...I like their messages but don't like their mega stadiums or fake-ness I sometimes feel.

Paul to me was the same way.  He was belligerent...we discussed how he stood up and told the magistrates after his jailing.  "If you want to release us then come do it...we won't go silently into the night...you did this now you come and release us."  If someone today did this we would call them wacky. 

Paul would ask for money and he loved the Philippians because they always sent money to him...and he kept track...he knew who sent and who didn't.  That's just not right in my book.  That is like the church saying I know who paid and who didn't and you need to give more...wait they do that is called stewardship!!  Just joking...
And Paul seemed to talk out of both sides of his mouth...when the situation called for one thing to be said he would say it and if it called for the exact opposite to be said he did that too...he said what he had to so he would get the desired result....is that OK in the conversion of disciples.  I am not so sure.

So this man Paul...I hope we learn more about him over the next few weeks to change this opinion I have of the man.

that's why its called god moments II

OK...so you know the kind of day I had...I walked into my bible study class tonight and immediately apologized for any random hateful thing that may come out of my mouth over the next three hours.

What is so ironic...Everyone in that class had the same kind of day as I did!! This can not be pretty...at one point we revolted against our teacher...what a lively class and a lively discussion it led to.  If you missed class tonight...you missed it!!

The first God moment came when: we all picked up our questions for class and the heading was "Seeing God"....as we sat prior to the video Craig, (our poor unfortunate teacher tonight) said "I messed up, that should say Seeing the Good not Seeing God".  So for us that needed an attitude adjustment tonight that is just what we got when we put the two together realizing we see God when seeing the good in all situations. Talk about God shoving it in our face...we all know nothing is a mistake...God knew we needed that point driven home!

Our lesson tonight was all about seeing the best and the good in any situation we are in...and as I said...what a discussion we had!  It led off in so many directions you had to be a racer to keep up with us. I am sure minds were spinning as we jumped from topic to topic. 

Every week we have "Our Human Condition" that we start every day reading....this week it said:
"We have difficulty seeing good in all situations.  We feel no honor in suffering.  And as for putting others ahead of ourselves, let them go first.  When something good happens, then we'll say thanks.  Until then, we prefer reality."

That's how we see it...we only say "yeehaw" when things are good but we have all been in awful situations where looking back on it we see how something really good came from this dreadful situation.  From this divorce and betrayal came a closeness to my boys and their families I never would have experienced.  The boys have both drawn closer to their faith.  There was good that came from this horrible situation...but it took years for me to appreciate that. 

As we finished with prayer tonight we asked for an attitude adjustment...to help us listen to God and know the good in our situations...no matter what they are....because good will come from it if we are open to God.

The lesson ends with our marks of an obedient community which tonight said "Obedient community sees all experiences and situations as occasions for God's transforming power to work."  Notice there is no distinction between good or bad experiences...God's power works in both. 
There was much discussion about Paul tonight...but that will wait until tomorrow...
So give it to me God I am in dire need of an attitude adjustment!

it is one of those days

I am having one of those crazy days...everyone you talk to doesn't understand what you are saying and no one gets it.  The kind of day when you think you are the only sane person on the planet and I just want to slam dunk everyone! Oh my! I just re-read that and it doesn't sound good..

This attitude may have started last night.
Last night I was thinking....God has to be a woman...because all men are just dicks! (except my brilliant, sweet and kind sons, of course!).  There is no way God could be a man because he would think women are stupid.  He would think women don't know how to dig themselves out of a hole.  He would have made all women skinny and shapely and sexy just to please himself and all men....do I have to go on?  God has to be a woman...she created the world and all that is in it and it is finished!....what better evidence do you need....if God was a man it would be half-ass-done.

It is one of those days! Sorry about the small amount of cursing!

Addendum:  OK I came back after the fact and decided there are some men I consider to be OK and they don't fall in the creepy category I mentioned above...Tim Naylor that includes you...my nephews whom I love and adore...Hoy Murphy, you know I think you are the greatest, Greg Hayes you have to be good!! I have a lot of respect for JF and Mike Morris and Mike Harvey... and Carl Nutter...oh and my Dave's from church are just wonderful....and I do have my lil' guy puppy...I'll keep thinking!

OK...I also was thinking on the way home....am I a feminatzi:
 urban dictionary meaning:

feminatzi

A name, loosely synonymous with "b*tch," that men call women who seek power and control (i.e. traditional "male" qualities) over their lives. Usually insinuates that a woman is breaching her "subordinate place" by attempting to put forth ideas and beliefs that are threatening to male social dominance and power . Please use it in a sentence: What? Naomi Wolf says that women don't have true equality with men? That stupid feminatzi! She should shut up before they notice...

Yep...that's me! Feminatzi!!
Oh by the way I called and used my feminatzi voice on the cable company (still not up yet) and where is that tech in my area!!! I asked if he was a man...she didn't need to say anything else!

no television

I have a tiny podunk TV cable company...one of those family owned ones that no one has ever heard of.
The threat of rain and wind will make it go out.

Last Tuesday (one week ago) when I was home sick my cable went out in the afternoon.  Hasn't been back on since.  Now it doesn't bother me much ...I have always said I could go without TV.  But I miss my morning news.  I always watch it before I go to work.  I catch up on what has happened overnight and I find out what is going on in the world.

When I don't have TV guess what I do...READ...which is a pleasure for me.  This week I am caught up on my Disciple class reading, no last minute rush.   I am caught up on all of those magazines laying beside my bed.  I have read my daily devotions every day and I've prayed daily.  No distractions.  I have the time and the patience to read and take care of me.  I also notice I am much more patient with the dogs.

You know it may be a good idea to do this at least once a week.  No more Judge Judy or Nancy Grace after work.  I can sit down in the kitchen and read a little bit.  Aren't we encouraged by some group to "Turn off the TV"?  This week give it a try...you might be surprised what you do,  what you find out and what you just might learn.

Maybe next week it will be my computer!

may the force be with you...

I have taken to once again reading daily "Simple Abundance: The Daybook of Comfort and Joy".  Being the over-achiever I can sometimes be...I am a day ahead...so for tomorrow it talks about being ourselves.  Being true to ourselves.
A Rabbi Zusya is quoted as saying:  "If they ask me in the next world, 'Why were you not Moses?' I will know the answer.  But if they ask me 'Why were you not Zusya?' I will have nothing to say. "

Are you being the person you were created to be?  I've thought about this a lot lately...I've been having some glimpses into my life.  As I mentioned I am a bit of a Type A personality...a go go go getter.  I always thought God had big plans but I am starting to think maybe his plan for me is as a nurturer to others.  Maybe what I am best at is listening and encouraging others to find the path God has intended for them.  But I want the big aha! That everyone looks at me moment and says "Wow, did you see what Kim did!"  God probably knows that and is saying.."I can't give you that gift...you will give me NO credit!"  I've always said God wouldn't let me be skinny because I would be a total slut....now that I am skinnier I know that isn't true...so maybe I needed to learn a good lesson before he gives me a gift...I don't have slut in me!!

Obi Wan Kenobi tells Luke Skywalker "The Force is an energy field created by all living things.  It surrounds us, it penetrates us, it binds galaxies together."  Obi Wan encourages Luke to "follow your feelings, trust your feelings. Trust the Force"  God tells us the same...trust the Force that God has given each of us...the personal job we've been given by God...it may not be the job we were expecting but it may be the job that is needed right now.  The job that surrounds us, penetrates us and binds us together.  The job God is calling us to do at this point in time.  And he won't wait forever...if we don't jump on it...it just might go to someone else.

Here I am Lord...sometimes that is hard to say, especially if it is not what we want to hear from God...

be still and listen part III

I've mentioned it over and over....

this scripture that has been beating Lora and I over the head...
"Be still and know I am God"
tonight Lora and I were together and we debated...what this is suppose to mean to both of us!!

I was telling her...on my way home from Justin's last night I turned off my radio and all music at one point and said...OK God...now is a good time...give it to me!

Well...Lora looked and me and said...I don't think it is a word that will be spoken...I think it is in our hearts...we need to take a step back and let him do his work...there isn't going to be the clanging of symbols and lightning and loud thunder...it will be in the still we will know!

I have said throughout my ordeal...the Lord put Lora and I together for a reason and this is one of them...we talk each other through things...we really do...we can look at each other and say the things that need said...and that is a gift God has given to us both...we are the support needed for each other.

So tonight we thoroughly discussed this scripture...we want all the fireworks...and the voice from God but I think we both decided....we aren't going to get it that way....we are going to get it in the stillness...we know he is in charge and we both have to let him do his work...

So God...here we are...your two faithful...independent...love to be in charge servants...giving over the reigns to you...these two lives are all yours...now do your thing!! Whatever it is...we promise to quit trying to manipulate it..(that is very hard for us both!)

And of course we wish you would hurry up with it!  Sorry!

defying gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

This is a song from the musical "Wicked".  How appropriate for me! 
Since I've dealt with some really wicked people for the past two years..

I've felt drawn to this song lately...it's like the lyrics were written just for me!  It's time to leap and know there will be hands to catch me...close my eyes and leap!  I've been so thoughtful lately...I don't know if it's looking at the boys thrown to the ends of the earth or thinking about age or thinking about what can be!  But I am ready to step to the edge and just jump.  What is the worst that can happen?  I think that has already happened! Now this isn't the bad jump so don't go running for the phone...this is a good jump...like a leap of faith!
It not like I haven't jumped before....when we bought the new house...when I took the new job...when I took over the youth at church and for that matter taking on children's ministry at the church...and in this past year...i've done lots of jumping!
the song continues...

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

so look out you might just see me jumping soon! Don't be surprised at where I go and what I do...I don't even know...I just know it is time to jump!

baptism

He put a child in the middle of the room. Then, cradling the little one in his arms, he said, "Whoever embraces one of these children as I do embraces me, and far more than me—God who sent me."
Mark 9:36

We recently read the book "Heaven is for Real" in book club and the one thing I remember so vividly is "Jesus LOVES children"  The little boy repeated it over and over.  He talked in heaven how Jesus would take them in his arms and love them.

Today at Lilah's baptism the Father reminded us of the exact same thing...Jesus took a stand about keeping the children away from him  and chided his disciples.  Let the children come to me he says in Matthew and in Mark he talks about loving a child.

I know God was smiling down on us today as Lilah was baptised as one of his angels.  She became not only ours today but also his.  What a blessing and the service was beautiful and so personal.  I am not sure I had ever been to a Catholic baptism but it was after the mass.  The Father was very personal and knew both Sarah and Justin and loved Lilah...all the traditions surrounding the baptism were special.  There were prayers for both parents and for the God parents.  The God Father held a lit candle to signify helping to take the light with Lilah into the world.  The God parents placed the sign of the cross on her forehead with her parents.  And the baptism ended with a anointing on Lilah to be a child of God.  She handled it all beautifully...looking at everything on the alter and everyone in the congregation.  She looked at it all with wonder...it was so special...I cried...

It made you realize what it means to be a child of God...that God loves us...if we love him like this small child does...unconditionally...
She will be raised with God in her life...what a blessing for her.
God blessed us today being able to be with her and seeing his handiwork.
God is good all the time!

it takes a village

This weekend I am attending the baptism of my youngest grand child, Lilah.  I am staying with Justin and Sarah and her entire family is here too.  It is like a big pajama party tonight. 

We watched marathon episodes of The Cosby Show.  We've laughed and laughed.  We've had discussions about baptism and our beliefs about our churches...

How I miss the rest of my family...we skyped with each other earlier tonight.  How I wish we were together.

Family is wonderful.   It is not something not to take lightly and it will be up to all of us together to raise this little girl in the faith and teach her about her God and Savior.  We are all up to the challenge.

dog hairs

I can't get away from them....I don't go out of the house without them...dog hairs!!  When you have five dogs they are everywhere...no matter how hard you work to keep them picked up!
Right now the dogs are in a major shed...which happens once a year...I can run the sweeper a zillion times a day...doesn't help...so don't come to my house if you don't want to see little fur balls rolling across the floor.

I had a pastor one time as we stood and talked he would reach over and pluck them from my shoulder...and finally I said....Not going to help....there are a thousand more where that came from.

I don't understand why they aren't bald dogs...they should be as much as they lose.

You would think they would lose them before summer but it always happens right smack dab in the middle of the hottest time of year.  I guess so they appreciate less hair!!

The year we moved into this house they all had a major shed...I think it was the nerves of "What is going on?" and the stress...they all looked like they had mange.

Shedding the old is good...the new hair that comes in is beautiful....sometimes we have to get rid of the yukky old stuff to get the beautiful new stuff...so remember that...God has a purpose for all of it...and most times the bad leads to the really good stuff.

Look around and shed your old stuff!!!  You might be surprised what God has waiting for you.

I can be a wreck

One of these days it is going to happen....I am afraid my friend Angie almost witnessed it tonight...I think I've mentioned I drive way too fast.  I talk on my phone and text...which I know is so wrong...but I will admit to doing it...

One day I am going to die in a fiery car crash...when I do they are going to find a thousand little scraps of paper with words on them.

The other thing I do as I drive down the road is write down blog ideas.  I can see something along the road...hear something on the radio...see something in a car I pass and think...that would make a great blog.

So I grab a pen I keep handy and write it down...so all over my car are these little scraps of paper...Once a week I may gather them up and transfer them to the list I keep by my computer...

When the fiery crash comes...ask if there were any little scraps of paper with words...someone get my personal effects...and continue this blog.

there are some really great ideas!

amazing grace

amazing grace
Thank you Scott for this gift.

My Sunday School class is watching the movie "Amazing Grace"...I've mentioned it on several occasions...watching it has put the song into a completely different perspective...we spent last week following our viewing  discussing how the same feelings exist today...just thinking you are better than someone else is slavery.  What makes one person better than another?  Aren't we all the same in God's eyes?

Last week we also made notes during the movie to look up references.

The movie reminds so plainly that one person can make a difference.  Even when you think you are accomplishing nothing...by your actions and the way you handle yourself you make a difference.

It also reminded us of how our country was built on this philosophy of all people are created equal...but even today that is not true with the immigrant population and the political unrest going on in that arena....wow times never change do they.

Be still and listen to the song again and think about the slave trader who wrote it and the change he brought about with the words of this song.

God's grace is an amazing thing.
Amen and amen!

marry me Blake Mycoskie

I live for two magazines to come in the mail....Oprah and Garden and Gun....I love both of those magazines!
One day I will drive south thanks to Garden and Guns and never come back...that's coming...be prepared....and then there is O Magazine!  Oprah this month is about Makeovers!  I think I've had several years of a makeover!

I do want to get married again...and I've decided to marry Blake Mycoskie...OK he is a cutie and would be kind to these old eyes...he is young...but it is what he is that makes him so appealing.

OK if I can't marry him...I want to meet the folks who parented him!
Blake is the founder of Tom's shoes...he is featured in O this month...it says he travels widely (I could do that!), dances badly (me too!), believes giving things away is good for business.  I love the way he thinks.

I have made this long list of what I want in a man.  Next time around...and it isn't' about looks it is all about what is on the inside.  I want someone who loves God first and foremost!  Someone who loves others and puts God's word to work.  Someone who loves young people and making a difference in their lives.  Someone who loves family and will be a great papa to my grand kids!!  Someone who is active in their community and gives back to their community.   Someone who is always learning and growing!

Sounds like Blake is perfect for me!  Wait I think he is the age of my kids!  Might be a problem...

Marry me Blake Mycoskie! You have all of those qualities I'm looking for!

roots

Don't worry be happy

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
   the woman who sticks with God.
They're like trees replanted in Eden,
   putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
   never dropping a leaf
Serene and calm through droughts,
   bearing fresh fruit every season

As you know I cut grass...often...roots can cause trouble...oblivious to anything when I cut...I just run right over them! But over the years I've lived here my back yard has shifted a little and the roots of my trees out back are starting to show through.  It can't be good for them to be mowed over a zillion times a year.  It is like getting a cut on your knee over and over and over again...

I am probably slowly killing these trees.  One is already dead.

But the trees near the creek.  Roots not showing are green and lush and stay that way.  The trees on the hillside are already losing leaves and the ones in the bottom are still green.  They are the last to lose.  Now it could have something to do with the type of tree they are...one is a poplar and the other is a sycamore...I don't know but it reminds me of this passage.

I am sure those trees in the backyard worry when the tractor comes at them...not those in the bottom!  They have no worries...they just grow...and flourish!!

If we are rooted in the Lord...when worries come we stand strong and serene.  Never swaying. That's a big "if"....we may think we are rooted in the Lord...Mac would always ask me why I didn't worry about anything...why should I? The Lord was in charge...not me.  It took me a long time to realize the Lord can worry for the both of us and do a better job at it than me!

you know I love Bob Marley...thank him for this little song we've all hummed sometime!
Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy....

getting your foofoo on

little bunny foo foo


You know I've been accused lately of being very prissy...me!  If you know me... that is very hard to imagine.  Today I did it...I wore the 3.5 inch heels to work....to be made to measure how high they were (that's how I know) and to discuss why I was wearing such things....in between all of the laughing and joking...my friend Mona said to me...I knew there was a foofoo hidden in there somewhere...she just needed to come out!

I liked that...and decided to call it "getting my foofoo on"....that's a big whoohoo...someone told me on Sunday...there is just something different about you...you have a new air of confidence...a new air of love of yourself...I hope they meant that in a good way and knowing who said it I really believe it was done in that context since she is one of my biggest supporters and friends...

I do suddenly love me!  I know what I am made of...and it is good stuff! Maybe there is that little bit of self assurance that comes when someone of the opposite sex pays a little attention to you.  Maybe it comes from feeling really good about the way you look, sound and feel!  I don't know what it is but I know I like it and never want to go back to that wimpy, whiny person that was me during and right after the divorce.  Who was that person? YUCK! I don't like her!!

Hidden in each of us is this foofoo (whatever your foofoo is! Mine is heels, shorter skirts, a good tan and an air of kick butt!) Sometimes, you have to do some digging to find her!

So get out the shovel girls it is time to start...go find your foofoo!

I googled FooFoo
Foo-Foo is a fictional dog in The Muppet Show. She is a white poodle owned by Muppet diva Miss Piggy. She is very tender towards her, even to the point of sickly saccharine baby talk. That made me laugh!!!
Urban Dictionary explains it like this:
When you look or feel frilly, Prissy, made up, High maintenance, overdone etc..

Oh wait it gets better!!

a name for a lady's private parts

Use it in a sentence...this is the example in Urban Dictionary:

wow you should take a look at her foo foo!  (What???)
or
Is your foo foo still working or what? (Oh my!!)

Ok...maybe I need to change that title!

 

proverbs, four

As I was impatiently looking for a proverb this morning to go with my post...didn't find one...I found these few and laughed and laughed...
hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Four Mysteries
Three things amaze me,
no, four things I'll never understand-
how an eagle flies so high in the sky,
how a snake glides over a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
why adolescents act the way they do. (see!! even back then they didn't understand them!!)

Four Intolerable
Three things are too much for even the earth to bear,
yes, four things shake its foundations-
when the janitor becomes the boss,
when a fool gets rich,
when a whore is voted "woman of the year".
when a "girlfriend" replaces a faithful wife.

Four Small Wonders
there are four small creatures, wisest of the wise they are-
ants-frail as they are,
get plenty of food in for the winter;
marmots-vulnerable as they are,
manage to arrange for rock-solid homes; (I don't have a clue what a marmot is but I am going to google it!)
locusts-leaderless insects,
yet they strip the field like an army regiment;
lizards-easy enough to catch,
but they sneak past vigilant palace guards.

four things....hope they made you laugh too...see the world changes little in over 2000 years!!

baby daddy

I am only home sick every so often but the television fare has not improved.  What happened to Maury Povich?  When did he become baby daddy central?  This morning was an all time low...a blind man thought he fathered a child...the "hoe" he is with (according to his loud, overweight momma) is stripping for other men right in front of him and he can't see it...when the DNA evidence reveals the baby is NOT his....the "hoe" ran off stage to the stage corner where they all break down sobbing.

Oh my gosh...what has happened to Maury?  When did his journalistic values lose out to the tv exec's who say...Maury this is a gold mine!

Compromising what you believe in...there has to be a proverb on that one! The way you act in all matters tells the type of person you are...remember to never compromise your principals...the devil will tempt with money and stuff....but don't do it...don't give in...you are how you act.

Oh my....Maury grow some and stand up and say...I'm not doing any more baby daddy shows! 

into the darkness

You know this is such a great picture of what I feel like I've just been through.  For the past few years I was in that darkness.  And I am finally coming out and into the light.  I am finally breaking through and the sunshine and light feel so good on this face.

Yesterday we went geocaching...the kids from church and me...this one is called "into the darkness"...and what you don't see are the 12 kids that have already run into the thing...this is my friend Angie and I bringing up the rear.  We are just heading into the darkness.  The geocache was hidden at 10:00 magnetized to the roof of the culvert.  It was a great cache.  We had a great time finding it.  The kids decided to proceed farther into the culvert, while us old farts turned around and headed back.  It was pitch black...we came prepared with boots, jackets and flashlights.  They laughed and said they went as far as they could until the bats started swooping ...how funny...

The feeling of seeing light at the end of the tunnel...how refreshing...how safe it felt...I couldn't wait to turn my face to the sun and say "ahhhhh".  That's life...we are in the darkness during a hard time...and then we come through...we find the light again.

God is that light bringing us out of darkness.  Showing us the way out...showing us the path to follow.  How lucky we are!