Its a New Year!

I would have never thought the year would end on the note it is ending on...A new man in my life...lots of fun...family likes him...life is good...who would have thought when I started this blogging journey this is how it would come to a close in 2011?!  I can't wait to see where 2012 leads me...and I am anxious and ready for the journey!
As the year closes...let me share with you...as a woman who continues to seek the answers...make the journey fun and be open to all you can learn! Love you all Happy New Year!

PS:  My New Year's resolution...get back to blogging!  I miss it and the new stories I have to tell...who knew you could learn so much at 55!!!

Enjoy the following poem...adapted and rewritten and the original...

Ithaka
Pray that your journey be long,
Full of many summer mornings
When with much pleasure and much joy
You anchor in harbors never seen before;
Browse through Phoenician markets,
To purchase exquisite treasures-
Mother-of-pearl and coral, ebony and amber
And sensual perfumes of all kinds-
As much as you desire.
Visit many Egyptian cities, content
To sit at the feet of sages, eager
And open to receive learning.
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is your destiny.
But do not hurry the journey at all; be patient.
Better that it lasts for many years-
Longer than you can even imagine.
So that finally, when you reach this
Sacred isle, you will be a wise woman,
Abundantly fulfilled by all you have gained along the way;
No longer expecting Ithaka to make you wealthy,
No longer needing Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka offered you the profound journey,
The chance to discover the woman you have always been.
Without Ithaka as your inspiration, you
Never would have set out in search of Wholeness.
And should you find her poor, Ithaka did not deceive you.
Authentic as you have become, full of wisdom,
Beauty and grace, enriched and enlightened by all you have experienced
You will finally understand what all of life’s Ithakas truly mean.
 “Ithaka” by Constantine Peter Cavafy
Personal translation by: Susan Ban Breathnach

Ithaca

  When you set out for Ithaka
ask that your way be long,
full of adventure, full of instruction.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
such as these you will never find
as long as your thought is lofty, as long as a rare
emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - you will not meet them
unless you carry them in your soul,
unless your soul raise them up before you.
Ask that your way be long.
At many a Summer dawn to enter
with what gratitude, what joy -
ports seen for the first time;
to stop at Phoenician trading centres,
and to buy good merchandise,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensuous perfumes of every kind,
sensuous perfumes as lavishly as you can;
to visit many Egyptian cities,
to gather stores of knowledge from the learned.
Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what these Ithakas mean.

Constantine P Cavafy

high tech vs low tech

Last night I got a great surprise!  Via Skype I got to attend Zack's Christmas play.  Just to remind you...he is in the state of Washington and I am in West Virginia.  I got to hear his class sing one of my favorite Christmas gospel songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uViv_teAGpY&feature=related
This isn't them singing but this is the song.  I could actually see him, rocking out.  I missed part of it as our connection died but I got to see most of it.  All the while, every time our connection was lost I would text my son Nick and we would re-connect.  Oh, the wonders of technology!

To be a part of their life, while so far away made me sad last night but also made me think about God.  We are so far from him.  Sometimes farther than others...like during good times...it is hard to remember to start my day with him or to pray every morning.   Sometimes closer, especially during hardships...when I fall to my knees several times a day.

Without all of the high tech he wants to be connected.  Just like I want to stay connected to my kids.  He (like me) I am sure, loves those unexpected prayers when we say...just checking in, let me catch you up on my life.   Like me, a smile will spread across his face...I am sure!  Today, I encourage each of you to STOP...take a minute and reconnect with your God...he is the parent that is waiting to hear from you...the parent that wants to talk and hear about your life..the parent that wants to smile, laugh and cry with you...in all stages of your life.  Skype with God...give God a shout out. 
Today...do it!

it comes along

I haven't blogged for awhile...
You know when you least expect it...when you don't have a clue....when you aren't looking...someone can come along and just sweep you off your feet.  I am still in shock...I think because it was so unexpected...you know I've been out there looking and through it all that little God voice in my head has always said "He will come to you..." That didn't make me slow down! I was hunting because you know I know better than God...when will I learn...someone along the way shared with me the following prayer, which I prayed daily.

Dear God
Fill me with your sacred presence
I ask for your love and guidance
and for your blessings
as I explore the deep reaches of my heart
I ask for your assistance
In releasing whatever stands in the way of true love.
My heart is pure and my intentions are clear.
Please bring me my perfect partner
Whoever it may be...bring him to me.
I want someone who enhances me just by being
who brings love, joy, peace and prosperity to me
who I can love fully and will receive my love
who loves, honors and cherishes me completely and always
May my heart be open and my head clear
may my life be ready to welcome true love
may i be embraced in your love
and uplifted by your grace
Amen

 I feel like God has walked with me throughout this entire journey...he has been right there with me through the tears and the fears...those first tentative steps into dating and now he has given me the greatest gift.  He has put this wonderful man in my life and said "It is good!"  I feel like he has laid a gift in my lap.

I am blessed!

The meeting

I find this poem beautiful and thought I would share.  I first saw it written on a wall at Brookgreen Gardens outside of Murrell's Inlet.

The Meeting
By:  Archbald Rutlodge

Men made me dread to meet
God- but I found it sweet-
I who had disobeyed
The laws men said he made
Yet from him wasn't no "You!
You wretch for mercy sure!
You wicked sinner!" Rather,
Just like a gentle father
"Son, how your garden grows!
I love that yellow rose.
And that narcissus seems
come from a land of dreams.
For the fine work you've done
I'm proud of you dear son.

enjoy and bask in  it...that is what I expect God to be like when we meet.

scary day

Since today is Halloween I thought I would talk about scary movies.  Have you ever seen the movie by Alfred Hitchcock called "The Birds"?  Talk about scary!  I remember watching as a kid.  I was petrified of birds after seeing that,  especially flocks of birds!  I knew they were going to peck my eyes out!

This morning I was sitting here at the computer and heard this noise and thought it was my washing machine since I am washing clothes...so I kept ignoring it...but it didn't go away when cycles changed.  So, I went to investigate and in the three trees behind the house was a flock or two or three of birds.  Black birds (just like in the movie The Birds!) and the air was full of the hissing sound of those birds.  When I walked out the dogs went with me and they just stood there with me and took it all in.  What an amazing thing.  When we walked out they flew in a circle and came right back and landed in the same trees. 

One of my favorite movies is "Winged Migration" it has no vocals but are just these beautiful shots of birds in flight.  I love independent films and wish so much we had an independent movie theater in Charleston.  I remember seeing this movie in Shepherdstown.  Zack, when he was little would watch it for hours. 

There is nothing that says fall is coming more than Canada geese flying in formation over the house, close to the roof as they ready to land at the golf course.  I love to stand and watch them fly over.

Fall is here and another year will soon pass.  I finally feel like I've come full circle.  If I could sing the Lion King song "The Circle of Life" I would about now!! Isn't it funny life's circle and I guess through it all you have to be comfortable with yourself.  You have to know what and who you are.  What and who you believe and what and who you will serve.  I am God's and he is mine. 

I get it God...I don't need "Be still and listen" anymore!

laugh

Laughter is such a gift.  I laugh when I am nervous and when I am happy.  Anyone that really knows me well knows the difference between the two.  One is a little thin laugh and the other is usually a belly laugh that comes right from my heart.  I love to be reading or watching tv and suddenly something really funny touches you makes you laugh.  It is unexpected and the laugh is real.  The kids can make me laugh, with what they say and what they do.

My grandaughter Taylor has what we always called a "bar room laugh" which is a great throaty laugh.  Sounds like a wench that has been drinking all night.  Nothing wrong with the sound!  Having laughter is a blessing.  To see life in such a way as you can laugh is a gift from God.  Even those thin laughs in the time of hardships is a joy.  I lost my laughter after the divorce but it is making its way back.

I am still reading "Cutting for Stone" and the quote for the day is:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." 
Don't you love the thought of God laughing?  Can you imagine the sound.  I bet he has a bar room laugh.  He is joyful so I am sure he laughs quite often.  I am sure we make him laugh often!

I am throwing all plans out the window and God this is your plan...I am only on the path! Now stop that.. quit your laughing!
PS:  Don't you love the picture of Jesus laughing!

cutting for stone II

A couple more quotes...I can't write them down fast enough...

We are all fixing what is broken.  It is the task of a lifetime.  We'll leave much for the next generation.
Life is like that!  You live it forward but understand it backwards.

I can't put this book down.  It has been a long time since I've started a book like that.
I will keep you updated

cutting for stone

I started next month's book club book and am smitten from the start.

I have to share with you a quote that had me stopping.  (I was on the treadmill as I read!) and writing it down to remember.
Here goes!

When Marion asked the Matron what he should do in his life, she said:
"What is the hardest thing you can possibly do?" This made him squirm and ask "Why"
And here it comes!
"Because, Marion, you are an instrument of God.  Don't leave the instrument sitting in its case, my son, Play!
Leave no part of your instrument unexplored.  Why settle for "Three Blind Mice" when you can play the "Gloria".
I will let that sit in your heart and let you turn it over and over and ponder the thought.
Isn't that a beautiful analogy.  It makes me wonder at age 55 can I dust off my instrument and play it anew!
Thank you Abraham Verghese.  The book is "Cutting for Stone" and I can't wait to read on.

weebles

Do you remember these things?  Can you sing the song?  "Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down!" 

This is day 3 of the plan to run a 5K in April.  I have decided I have a lot in common with a weeble!  I have been using the treadmill because it is so dark in the mornings and in the evenings...I am all over that thing.  I weeble and wobble but just like them...I am still standing at the end!

My dogs are getting a real kick out of this! They sit all around me just staring.  When I start to run...well they look very confused....like "what are you doing? You don't do that!" 

I will keep going, I will keep wobbling and weebling.  And I hope in the end I don't fall down.  This weekend I try this outside.  How many people can I knock off the sidewalk with my weebling!

the war has begun

It has started already.  The weather is getting colder and it has started.  Tonight I was getting trash ready for pick up and it was dark on the back porch...I reached in to pull out the trash bag and grabbed a mouse instead...I screamed and I am sure scared the bejesus out of it...YUK!

Next it will be in my house...in the pantry...where they love to live...it will be in the dog food...and you know me...I hate to kill any living thing...but if I don't they overtake the place...

So, the war is on...I will try to think of new and creative ways to catch these critters only to take them outside and release them and see them back inside the next day!!  I need to invite my mother for a visit.  She is a great mouse killer!

Wonder what we are suppose to learn from mice?  Does God have a lesson I am suppose to be learning? Patience and perseverance I think are the two things I am reminded every year!

stakeholders

Today I attended a high tech conference...you can just imagine the number of pocket protectors and you would be close!  In the midst of a session today on project management...which is my real job...the word "stakeholders" came up.  Who is a stakeholder in your project...negative and positive stakeholders. 
It made me think...who is a stakeholder in my life?  Who is it that has a piece of me and my life?  Who is affected good and bad by my life?

I had to look it up in urban dictionary!  And that is exactly how it was used today...this is so funny!!

A term widely used in the corporate environment usually by management or workers aspiring to be managers without any intelligence or sense of how stupid they sound.

Stakeholders is a term that usually accompanies other corporate buzz words such as "bandwidth', "paradigm", and "circle back". You generally will not hear words like "stakeholder" in social situations outside of work, yet for some reason, people feel compelled to use them at work just to increase their level of annoyance and stupidity.

Use it in a sentence:  Boss: Fred, when you get some bandwidth this morning, lets circle back and address the stakeholders of this project.
I am not going to repeat what Fred said!

 

So being the buzz word person I am...who is a stakeholder in my life...who is affected by me and what I do?

What a scary thought. 

There are my kids, my mom, my brother and his family, my grandbabies, my work family, my friends, my board member friends (Putnam Co Parks, CDOM), my church family, my church kids (that I love like my own), my friends at church (different from church family), my Sunday School, my disciple class, my relatives distant and close, my college friends, my sorority sisters, my FB friends, my state park friends...the list goes on and on and I think those are all the positive stakeholders...what about all of the negative stakeholders...I could really give you a list of those folks!! It is amazing how many lives we are intertwined with...how many places where our lives touch each others. 

 

God is the biggest stakeholder in my life.  God is sometimes negative...showing me all of the wrong I do and the bad I do but also the most positive stakeholder in my life...showing me all the good in people and the world.  Wow...if God be for us who can be against us...

 

Be a stakeholder to someone...try to make it a positive stakeholder!!

Blessings to you!

first day

As I have mentioned, I have lost a lot of weight...I still have those last 20 I would like to lose...I think when you get to your dream weight you always want more...I should be happy where I am...now it is time to get this bag of bones moving.  I have committed with my sorority sisters to run a 5K race this spring.  Today I started the training.  I picked the MAYO training regime.  I guess I fell for the name!  It has to be healthy, right!!

So I got up about 4:30, fed the dogs, and dressed for success in my spandex...scary early in the morning!
I realized when you are watching the clock 30 minutes goes really fast.  I am working on the treadmill since it is so early and I have a really busy day ahead of me.  I ran 30 sec and fast walked for 60 for 30 minutes and added a 5 minute walking warm up and 5 minutes of walking cool down.

A few things I found out....boobs bounce no matter the size.  I have on a sports bra and when I lose weight boobs are the first place I do it...and these suckers feel like they are going to bounce right off...they have a mind of their own.  I wonder if duct tape works.

I sweat!! I know I do but I was pouring this morning...I started out with a shirt on and was stripping in no time..My dogs sat all around me just watching...I bet they were taking bets on how long I would last.

I don't pick up my feet...I have a tendency to skuff my feet.  I have a friend taking tap dance right now and maybe that's what I need to PICK UP MY FEET.  I always knew I was a rock kicker when I hike but I will be when I run, too.  There has to be a prescription for this.  Falling on my face would probably do it!

But through all of this I can say...I did day one!! I have started...April is getting closer.
I know there is scripture about running a good race...I hope this gets me on the track to do just that!
I'll keep you posted.

mental pause

Today I am going to talk about Menopause.  Periods.  That kind of thing.
Guys now is the time to jump out of here.

About five years ago I started with the hot flashes.  I hate hot flashes.  They start on the inside of your body and it feels like you are burning from the inside to the out.  It isn't like getting hot in summer, it is burning hot.
Then those hot flashes stopped.

I had normal periods up until my life trauma with Mark and I just chocked it up to stress. I didn't have a period for 8 months then suddenly here they came again.  I was always a very regular woman.  Every 28 days on schedule...5 days...heavy two and then winding down.  Never changed. Then two years ago it started with the 8 month stretch of none.  I thought this is it!  I am done.  If you are a guy and still reading...they suck! I looked so forward to never having a period again. 

At this point I will tell you my funny period story....my mom always told me guys had this built in radar that told them when women were having periods...(that has to be an old wives tale) so guess what I thought that penis was for!! (make a radar sound here!!) and you wonder why my marriage failed!!

So I have now gotten to the point where I have a period every other month.  I am really sick of this...either come on full bore or nothing...not this off and on stuff.  And the hot flashes are back...where did they come from??!!??

When the hot flashes started I went online looking for menopause info...why is this happening and what is
happening...look at what I found.

Mood swings and swings from low to high energy, general irritability...(yea just mess with me some days!  Ask my employees about this one...this could explain some people I work with!)

Drop in serotonin in the brain, or feel-good chemicals, which may cause loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, aka depression. (Get the hell away from me!)

Hot flashes.  Suddenly feeling the need to get outdoors (if it is cool) and get some air, having night sweats.  This may or may not be accompanied by irritability. (AC at work going up and down is a prime sign of this one!)

Decrease in female hormones leading to a possible change in libido - this is not always the case. Some women even report a greater desire for sex.  (OK so that explains it! Look out men!!)

Reduction of vaginal secretions, along with general dryness, thinning and/or loss of elasticity of skin, sometimes causing painful intercourse (that messes with the previous one doesn't it!) (OK my skin is hanging off my body like a dress on a hanger.)

I remember Mark telling me my dad gave him a piece of advice.  If you can make it through her menopause you can make it through anything.  Guess he couldn't do it! Assh*)&...I guess I can blame that response on those mood swings! 

The thing I hate most about this is the mental pause.  At our recent beach reunion we laughed because it took all of us to remember and think of someones name, a city or an event.  We all are around the same age...that mental pause age!  Not only does our body take a pause so do our minds. 

Getting old!! What fun it is!! Younger ladies...someday you will understand!!

there it is again

OK...so today I went to a friend's dad funeral...it was one of the most beautiful funerals I have ever attended and I decided I really wish I knew this man.

He was the communications director for Borg Warner and his past employees spoke about him with such love.  He had written a book entitled: The Words Of The Bible Are Not Mine: A Curious Conversation With God  he sounds like my kind of guy.  He had lost faith and came back around to find his God and the love that he has.  I wish I had known him.  Employees talked about how he went with AP style and punctuation and spelling.  I now understand so much about his daughter and my friend, especially her love of the written word.

At the end of the service....get ready for it....a speaker talked about Jim's feelings on the verse:  Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

It comes at me from all directions.  I promise I am trying!!

you never know where prayer will lead

I am a firm believer in you never know what goes on behind closed doors.  That perfect American family may be struggling with abuse, alcoholism, divorce or drugs behind the doors of their perfect home. 

We try so hard to be perfect and to give the appearance of all good and wonderful!  But really it isn't.  A family in crisis is so hard.  What do you do?  Who do you talk to?  When do you take a step and make a change?  This is a life change...that will affect your kids and family forever. 

Life is not easy...as a matter of fact sometimes it sucks.  But I have found through my whole year of crap there are people out there who hold you in the palm of their hand and love you. Sometimes, you don't even know them.  There are those friends that keep you close and keep you sane but there are also all of those people that pray for you every day.  They keep you in their thoughts and ask about you.  They may not ask you but they ask friends and family.  Think about all the people in this world that love you.  That's what I love about prayer lists...it is like that old game of gossip...we whisper in each others ears and the message gets spread.  But this time it isn't gossip it is prayer.  What power!

I recently had a friend who had a friend with breast cancer.  I put her on our prayer list at church.  This led to a friend of a friend in North Carolina.  That lady had a breast cancer ministry (due to her own experience) and asked if she could share a packet with the friend of a friend.  This led to correspondence and support during the initial stage of finding out, surgery and now chemo.  These two would have never met or supported each other without prayer.

We never know who we will touch or how we will touch others.  What we say and do may be exactly what they need at that point in time.  How powerful!  But that's God isn't it!  Working through us to work for others...that old servant thing.  Sometimes I hear people say...I don't have time to serve or I don't know how to serve.  Try praying....one of the best ways we can serve each other.

Once again I started with one thought and ended on a completely different random thought.  Yikes!  I told someone yesterday...I am getting old and forgetful...I think it is showing!

bad girls

I think I relate to cranky!!no wait...bossy...no, sassy...I can't even read the other one...maybe my butt is big enough to include them all....oooops off topic!! sort of!!
A little glass of vino...

I have told you that Jennifer and i have taken to wine skype nights...when she and I were here as lonely women we would have wine nights...now that she is in Walla Walla we have wine skype nights.  We both drink our glass of wine and talk just like we were sitting next to each other on the couch.   These days though, Nick joins in with his bottle of beer.  We are NOT hard core drinkers...not by a long shot...even though Jennifer did suggest I come to Walla Walla and become a vintner in my next life.

I swear by a glass on wine at night, not every night.  I told a friend recently she needed to try it.  At the end of the day...pour a glass...relax...put on some good music...dance a little...and you are feeling good...

It makes me sleep...so I go to sleep totally relaxed.  And according to some study...it is good for me.

How can something that people say is so bad for you be good for you?  I have always said "you have to be a little bad to be good"...you have to have one vice...no one is perfect. 

For years I smoked...off and on....I smoked when I was with the park guys...and we were out for the night...it just came naturally....or when I was nervous.  I started smoking in 9th grade when I stole some cigs from my brother's bedroom...(sorry Fred) then I stopped when I had my kids...because I knew it wasn't good for the unborn bab  (you are welcome Nick and Justin).  I started up again but stopped cold turkey when we had to sign an affidavit for our health insurance, probably 15 years ago...I couldn't lie...I had to quit...so I laid them down and have probably only had one or two or three since.  You know who you are... who was with me when I had them Cass and Brenda!!

Isn't that funny...doing something bad like smoking and couldn't lie...sometimes our priorities are really screwed up.  But maybe that is that little bad to be good...It is so hard trying to be good all the time...as a matter of fact it is impossible...no one (except Jesus) can be perfect all the time...

Why do other people and we ourselves expect perfection...so all of you young ladies out there...all of you mothers...DO NOT EXPECT PERFECTION from you daughters....because it isn't going to happen...instead hope and pray for a little bit....just a little bit of bad...so they can be really good!

TMI

Too much info!!
I love to embarrass my kids and my church kids...and sometimes when I do they will look at me and say "TMI" meaning "too much information"!  They don't want to know all of that! They groan and roll their eyes and gag, the whole bit!

Don't tell them but that's why I keep doing it. 

Greg on Sunday preached about too much info...the scripture came from Exodus when Moses hid in a cleft of a rock and God passed by.  God knew he couldn't handle it...if he saw all of him he would die...it would be TMI...more than Moses could handle...  He could only see his back as he passed by.

I have decided that's my problem.  I want all the info and I want it now!  I want to know where I will end up, I want to know who I'll end up with, and I want to know when this is going to happen!  I want TMI and I want it now....I know what you want to tell me...don't you remember that scripture God keeps throwing at you...that Psalm 46:10...Be still and know that I am God.

I was surprised last week at Disciple Class by Karen... she gave me a plaque that has that scripture on it...It is now sitting right above my computer as I write.  Think I would listen don't you!  Not me...

God knows I,  like Moses can't handle it...maybe he is afraid I will run screaming from the building...you know I have my list of what I want in a man!  Maybe he knows what he has planned for me is nothing like my list...well for now I will be still and try to listen...and keep repeating and quoting Psalm 46:10.

Oh God, I want some TMI!

lyrics soul

You know I love music and lyrics and especially those that touch me.  I keep MTV/VH1 on a lot.  As background music but I stop and listen sometimes.  This morning I danced around while cleaning to "Footloose".  All the dogs could do was sit and stare!!

 

I have been introduced to Mumford and Sons.  This is one of their most recent.  I like it.  Thought I would share. 

 

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I'm afraid of what I will discover inside

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I've seen

Stars hide your fires,
These here are my desires
And I won't give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

roots

Last month at book club we discussed our summer book Roots by Alex Haley.  I must confess I was done  by about the fourth chapter.  But listening to the discussion made me really I want to watch the movie or finish reading the book. 

We discussed our own roots and do we know our family history? Do we know the characters in our own ancestral closets?  I must admit I don't...we know what our parents tell us and usually that lasts just two generations...

I really need to get some of these stories from my mom.  She talks some times about her great grandma and I don't know these people...or much about them...but I need to find out.  I know very little about dad's side the Cook side. 

Who we are, where we end up, and what we become is so relevant to who we came from.  I love the National Public Television show where they track down the roots of famous people.

Roots...we all have them but what tree started them? Think about all of the history we don't know...
Where it all starts and does it end somewhere?

romantic

I am a sucker for romance.
At heart, all girls are, I think.  They want that guys that when they look at him, they just melt.

I am 55 years old and as I was cleaning my house on Saturday I got stopped in my tracks by this song...and it is a country song to boot...but it was on MTV, so that makes it OK.

I thought who would think at your age a song could talk to you!! but being the true romantic I am...it did...and this is just the chorus...

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight
by: Lady Antebellum

Oh boy, next I will be spouting poetry!  Look out!

pups 2

I love this...adopt a dog!

pups

You know I love my pups...you know what I think of Michael Vick...I saw this recently and had to share.

There are times I really hate people and the horrible things they do...then there are days...I am so proud of them!!  I share the sentiment!!

beach baby

Beach baby, beach baby, there on the sand....

I love the beach...as I start looking for where to land...I really think the beach may be calling my name!
I never feel calmer, more at peace than at the beach.

To walk at the ocean and see the vastness and the expanse of the open sea...I feel so small...I feel so humble...

After the divorce I went to the beach...that is where I went to heal...that is where I go to rest...that is where I go to figure it out.

Any question or confusion I have...all seems to disappear at the beach and it is so simple...it is so plain to see.  The answer is right in front of me.

I want to go back to the beach...real bad...I want to go back.

God woke up

I needed a little funny this morning so thought I would share another "God Went to Beauty School" story from Cynthia Rylant...I love this book.

God Woke Up
And He was groggy
so He got a nice cup of coffee
and went to sit
under an apple tree.
He sat there
drinking His coffee
listening to the birds, when all of a sudden
it hit Him.
He was happy.
God was happy!
And he wished there
was just someone to see it.
He'd gotten such a bad rap
all these years
for being pissed off
all the time.
And He really wasn't.
Maybe a little cranky.
But here He was,
happy.
Mellow yellow.
The birds were singing
and He was at peace.
Buddha told Him it
could be this way,
but He'd never really
believed it until now.
Life really was easier,
sitting under a tree.

I just love reading about this God.  My God that I imagine has quite the personality...so these sort of fits right in with my idea of God!  I told someone just the other day I think God has a wicked sense of humor.  I see him as really mischievous.  Loving but full of spunk!  He does things some times and snickers under his breath.  There is a definite twinkle in his eye. 
You go God!

moms

OK..it had to happen some time!  My boys warned me against this...but I have to spit it out...I have to say it...I have to talk about it...the relationship between a mother and daughter. 

Since I don't have girls it is hard for me to see it from the mother side...but I have a mother...so I can tell it to you from the daughter side!

My mom is a fireball...people describe her as feisty...and that is something, I think I inherited from her.  I should make a list of her good qualities because she has many.  But I seem to focus on the negative...so therapy is needed!

My roommate on the recent beach trip and I sat up one night talking and the topic of therapy came up.  She said her therapist asked about her controling mother.  It made me wonder why my counselor and I never talked about my mother.  I am sure she is all-over a lot of why I am the way I am. (talk about a sentence that made no sense!)

To give you an example of my mother and the thing that drives me nuts about her.  My entire life she has been on me about my weight.  I am too heavy...I need to walk to get some of that weight off...I have such a pretty face...she told her heart doctor, with me in the room, "tell her she needs to lose about fifty" I know this guy...Awkward!...you probably know the drill.  So I recently lost 90...check it out 90 pounds....what does she say?  NOTHING!! NADA...NIL...I've seen her several times...gone to lunch, eaten healthy...NOTHING...Recently we were sharing money woes....she said to me..."I think you feed those dogs and not yourself, you look awful."  So there is no pleasing her....if I am fat she is unhappy and if I am skinny she is unhappy...get my drift...and we wonder why we are so screwed up!!!

Boys, forgive me now for any craziness I bring to your life and your upbringing...I always told Mac to tell me when I was acting like my mother and when he would call me Jerry...I would get so pissed...apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it!!

We always say we will never be like our mothers and it never fails... we are more like them the older we get!!! ( I just realized I write with a lot of exclamation points...or maybe it is just the topic!!)
I hope I always remember those good things about her and those are the traits I bring to the table the older I get.  Boys, remember your mother loves you and thank God I didn't have a daughter!!

lists

If you know me...I am a list maker!  I make lists for everything...
Want to know what I am going to do today...there is a list...one for home...one for work...one for church...I laugh about people being anal and needing to go with the flow...and I am awful...I find them everywhere.  I journal and have for many years...I am afraid when I die my kids will get a real eye opener about their mom !!  But they will also find books of lists...what I did every day for years!

I was looking through an old book this morning and saw a note:
Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself...Could you find 20? I had actually written them in the margin of the book.   These are things I like about me...you may find them annoying!!

1. Positive attitude
2. Not evil or revengeful
3. Laugh a lot
4. I like my eyes
5. my faith
6. love God
7. love kids
8. love animals
9. willing to take a risk now and then
10. confident
11. love family
12. survivor
13. love friends
14. love to read and love knowledge
15. forever learner
16. step out and try it once
17. love of music- all kinds
18. art and love to try new things...love to go to museums (oops this probably should be 21)
19. OK to be alone
20 can stand on my own

So, make your list...What are 20 things you like about yourself?  Maybe tomorrow I will share one of my other lists! 

children's sabbath

Today is the celebration of Children's Sabbath.  On this Sunday the children of our church take over the -service.

This Sunday is set aside to bring into focus  issues that children face but sometimes one of the biggest issues is having them seen in church!  Church is NOT important to parents or children...Sunday afternoon football games are SO MUCH more important...make sure you explain that to God one day when he asks why you didn't teach your children the importance of his word...why they don't know about him...football games are more important!

OOOOps, a pet peeve of mine...
In honor of Children's Sabbath please read the following litany.

God did not call us to succeed,
God called us to serve.

God did not call us to win,
God called us to live for God.

God did not call us to be happy,
God called us to be hopeful.

God did not call us to fame,
God called us to faith.

God did not call us to seek power,
God called us to seek peace.

God did not call us to loot the earth and each other,
God called us to love our earth and each other.
Amen

Please pray for all children.

God, you call us to the hard work of justice, and we look for an easier task.  You expect us to persist and we want to give up.  You call for courage and we worry about criticism.  You ask us to protect the most vulnerable, and we mostly look out for ourselves and our "own".  Forgive us we pray.  Instill in us determination, persistence, courage and selflessness, that our lives may be a more true reflection of the one we claim to follow and in whose name we pray, your own beloved child Jesus.
Amen

expectations

I told you all about my reunion with sorority sisters.

Well, my roomie and I sat up late the first night swapping divorce stories.
She made the comment (as did another friend over the weekend), we were expected to marry the guy
we were dating when we left college.  We didn't get the chance to experience different men in different dating situations.  I started to object to that thought.  I was an independent woman who did choose what I wanted  and then I realized ...No, she was right.

Wait, it was the 70's...it was women's lib...it was women going to work in a man's world.  WHAT!
I was free...it was an age of sexual freedom...I lived with Mac before I married him...in quiet of course...we could have saved our parents lots of money...but I did marry him because it was expected of me.

What a revelation to me! I wasn't as liberated as I thought...then I continued to think...was it our mothers that expected it of us and we were good little girls and did it?  Did we allow ourselves to be led there by mom? I don't know the answer.

Well guess what...it isn't that way any more...I am looking and experiencing.  I know what I want in a man...sometime I am sure I will share it!  Once again, I turn to books as I try to figure out what I really want and expect in a man and in a partner.  This time there will be no settling...this time I will get it right.

There are red flags early on in a relationship.  When Mac left me standing in Ritter park because I said something he didn't like and drove off in MY car only to brag about it later...I should have known how selfish he was...RED FLAG...this time I will take note of those flags! I will listen to my heart and intuition. I will not marry because it is expected.

I can't believe I am finally at that point where I am thinking along these lines...I guess you can tell I am slowly coming back to life.

It isn't easy at 55 and sometimes I wonder if I even want to but I loved being married and being with a man.  I enjoy the company of men. I want a partnership...where two people bring all the good they have together to make a union.

I am printing up those checklists and will start sharpening my pencil!!

breasts

I saw a billboard the other day and it took me forever to figure it out...when I did I was like....ahhhhh...I get it!  It was a billboard of a pink Cadillac with big headlights (that's the hint!).  and it said "Get the girls a check up"....October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month.  

During our weekend at the beach we walked in a Breast Cancer walk.  That was the first time I had walked in one.  The local walk is always on the same weekend as our church flea market.  It felt so good!  You felt like you were doing something....two of our sisters are actively battling BC now...a friend of a friend is battling BC...my friend Kathie recently passed away and the BC alert for me is high.  There are five sisters in my mom's family...all have had breast cancer, none have passed away due to the cancer.  They are all thriving into their 80's.

To hear someone say "Breast Cancer"  turns your blood cold.  There were 22 of us together last weekend and as discussing the statistics we realized two to three of us would be suffering from the disease before we die.  What a scary thought.

I have lost 90 pounds and am amazed at how most of it is in my boobs...I feel things in there I've never felt before and believe me I feel myself up all the time...checking for lumps.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month....so be like all of those men who are always aware of our breasts! and check them out...feel them up..better yet...have someone else feel them up! Know your breasts...know when there are changes in them...and have any changes checked out...if you don't feel comfortable with the change keep demanding something be checked.  We all want to be with you for a long time!

get it in gear

I haven't written forever!  I have been basking in the glory of a great weekend.

Last weekend I flew to Myrtle Beach with a college friend and we met up with 20 young (in spirit) women that we lived with 35 years ago.  They were my sorority sisters at Marshall University.  We were all members of Alpha Xi Delta sorority.  What a weekend.  On the way, I reconnected with my roommate.  How sad...we live in the same state and didn't even keep in touch.  No longer!

We laughed on the way down...what if we don't recognize each other...NO WAY!  We had not changed much at all.  A few more wrinkles, a few more grey hairs (for some of us!) but basically we were the same.

The comment was made by one of the planners...when putting it together and looking at every one's facebook page to get addresses...they were amazed at all the good we do in the world.  We are all involved in charities, giving our time to our causes, and involved in our churches. 

Why?  The background we all had at the sorority prepared us.  We were always asked to give back with  our valuable time, we were asked to go to church, especially at important times...while looking back through my pledge scrapbook...I realized, I had church bulletins from pledge retreats, and special weekends.  We were required to be active in the college and the life of the college.  Say what you will about sororities...they prepare you to give back...to be active...to care.

Who would have thought while we were griping about having to do things, while we were whining about "do I have to!" and while we were partying and having a good time...something was forming within our character!

We had a wonderful weekend catching up on each other and we contributed back to the Myrtle Beach community by walking in a Breast Cancer Walk at Murrel's Inlet.  I told my divorce story the first night sitting around the dining room table... I was surrounded with love and support. One of our girl's mother died while we were together and she too was surrounded by love at such a difficult time.

We promised to never lose track again and to look for others we've lost track of. 
We are still influenced by a group of women brought together by a twist of fate and a touch from God.  He brought us together at times in our lives when we need each other.  He reconnected us.  We have been blessed for a second time.

The pumpkin

I've talked a lot about unexpected gifts...well here is one!
I have this ratty patch of weeds...beside the garage.  There is a cart there, too.
I always say I am going to burn it up or burn it down but it is very close to the garage and you know what that would mean...yep, I would probably set it on fire.

My biggest thing is I know baby rabbits live there...I can not for the life of me hurt a baby anything...they may be adult fat rabbits now but...still can't do it!
Every time I go by this patch of weeds I fuss and gripe...but guess what I found there the other day...unexpectedly and quite by accident...you guessed it...this beautiful pumpkin!

Welcome fall...my favorite time of year and welcome pumpkin! Time to cut it from the vine and put it out for all to see. 

just filling time

I have finally met someone busier than me.
I sometimes wonder if God brought this person into my life so I can see what I was like before the divorce.  How Mark felt when I never had time for him or our relationship.

We all have hectic schedules.  Running our kids here and there.  Meetings every night of the week.  Being at church whenever there is something going on.  Our schedules are crazy.  Time is the one thing that people just don't have enough of...we are pulled in a hundred different ways.

I sometimes wonder if I was filling my time so I didn't have to be home with Mark.  If I was crowding my life so full of "stuff" so I didn't have to face the pain when I was home.  I really believe I didn't like myself much back then...I blame him for some of it but I also blame me for some of it.  My weight was out of control...my health was out of control....my relationship was out of control...and my time was out of control.

Do we fill our lives with activities, time "stuff", meetings, schedules...just so we don't have to deal with the real things going on in our lives?  When we can't find the time to get with the people and the things that ARE important in our lives then it is time to STOP the stuff and take note!

So, this guy and I have been trying to meet since we met the last time.  Two people who are over-scheduled and over-planners and way too much alike!!...needless to say...our calendars are so packed it is really hard to find a weekend...that is bad!
this has the possibility of a being a really good thing and neither one of us can pull ourselves away long enough to let it happen.  I think someone is trying to tell us both something!  Both of us have been hurt and is this just a way to keep from being hurt one more time? 

Thank goodness we have both been praying about it.  I hope God, in his infinite wisdom finds a way...it's in his hands...lets see where it goes!  If I can find the time I will keep you posted!

typos

I know I've written a lot about things that drive me nuts.

We all have them...those little things that just make you cringe.
They are like fingernails on a chalk board. 

Now I am not the greatest grammatical person.  Sometimes I am not the best speller.
But when there is a "jump out" "slap you in the face" typo on a page it drives me crazy.

My only excuse is I work wtih writers!  Today I opened a book of poems about change.
Here goes...see if you catch it...

Don't let me Fall

Dear Jesus,
Don't let me fall
Suspend me in your arms
Protect me from all evil
Give me strength to live
Precious God
I love you with all my heart
My living soul is yours
Forgive me for my sins
But except me as I am

What....except....isn't that suppose to be "accept" me as I am....
except:  with the exclusion of...exclude
accept:  to take or receive something offered, receive with approval or favor

So, I tried to tie in poetic language, play on words kind of thing....couldn't do it!
Writers you've had an effect or is it affect on me...I can't read anything without a red pen!

Same way with bathrooms...I worked in parks for many, many years and I can't walk into a public bathroom without inspecting it.  I was always drilled "you can tell how clean a place is by its bathrooms." Campgrounds, restaurants, doesn't matter...try to take a vacation and always be inspecting bathrooms!

Funny things we do!!  Habits hard to break...
I wonder if God looks at us in the same way?  He rolls his eyes and says I can't have any fun...I am always trying to figure out these creatures I've made!! What was once enjoyable is now sort of tedious because of them!! Where's the joy!!

Except for me...I guess we have to accept these little burps in our personalities and live with them.

friends and feelings

This past year has been another year of change...that is the only constant in my life...there is going to be some kind of change!  Today is my daughter-in-law Jennifer's birthday...and I think you all know how I feel about her...it is very hard for me not to be with her on this day...
We communicate a lot but I miss her and the family immensly...there is no description for the loss I feel...the loss of Mark was painful...it was a physical pain...the loss of Nick's family saddens me and makes me lonely.  It is so different.

This year I also lost a good friend, Cindy, who moved to Florida with her family.  I talked to her the other night after we heard about the death of our friend Kathie.  She hated being so far away from us all at this time and she just wanted to be close.  She misses what I miss...that closeness....that feeling of anything I need I just yell and someone is there to help. 

I just read Jennifer's blog and she could have been having the exact same coversation Cindy and I had the other night.  She misses her old life here in WV. misses what was. misses the feeling of knowing and safety of routine.  Change is so tough.

Tonight I also talked to my son Justin and we discussed when to take a leap...when do you know it is the right time to jump?  I told him...I am so ready but I'm not sure if the time is right...Change...Lilah is now pulling up and trying to stand....just a month...I saw her last month about this time...she changes daily.

found quote

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." --William Gibson

sometimes you need to share little snippets of wisdom!

fish flop

I haven't written for a week.  That pity party is still going on.
I am floundering.
Like that good old fish out of water I am flopping around.  Throw me back in please!

Yesterday I attended the funeral of my friend Kathy.  I am so sad for my friends.  It is selfish I know, but I hate to see people I care about hurt so bad. 
I went back to work and just sat in front of my computer...didn't produce much. 

I came home last night and jumped on the tractor and cut grass just to think.  I know I am being told to "be still and listen" but I also know I am on the verge of a big "something".  You know when you can just feel it.   You know something is around the corner.  I feel it.

I read something yesterday about confusion that said...write down what you are confused about all on one page...then list what you know is true and that will answer your confusion list.
I laugh because the things I know to be true are:
God is in charge
I trust God
God has gotten me through things
I should listen to what God is telling me
I shouldn't try to do things on my own
I need to wait, and listen (this is where the confusion comes from...I want action!)

So, I continue to sit and wait and keep my ears open.  Sometimes I think I am totally losing it.  Someone told me yesterday, you must not be listening very well!  If God has to keep telling you!!

I don't know if I can continue doing this.  This life, this house, this work, all of it.  What is it all for? Confusion and questions...big life questions! Does everyone go through these times?

While I wait I will continue to flop...and flip...and flop like a fish!

our youth

He put a child in the middle of the room. Then, cradling the little one in his arms, he said, "Whoever embraces one of these children as I do embraces me, and far more than me—God who sent me."

Oh how we forget about the youth...as someone that works witht them, I laugh all of the time and say they get blamed for anything that happens at the church!  We recently had a bad water break and sewer problem and I am sure in some roundabout way the youth caused it!

A young person approached a youth minister and asked: "If I did not come to church for about a month, would I be missed?"  We all feel this way...does anyone notice me or does anyone care?  We need to embrace our youth, love them and support them and let them know what a vital and important part of our church they are.  And they are.  There are some Sundays when they make up one third of the congregation on that day.  As a United Methodist our motto is "Open Hearts, Open Minds and Open Doors" and that includes our youth.  More than anyone we need to put this motto into action with them.  They (and all of us for that matter) need to feel that if we were not there, in the church for more than a month the Body of Christ would be less.

Why is it so easy as we get older to lose our optimism and our vision? To become set in our ways and forget what it felt like to be young?  We need them!  We need their energy, their craziness, their joy, their excitement and their "I can do anything" attitude!  I hope they pray for me every day because their is no way God can ignore their enthusiasm. 

I read this prayer recently and will share.
God,
help me,
help us all to see the world
through the eyes of a young person.
Help us to let go of our perceived wisdom,
our addiction to be right,
and our need to feel that our young people
have to listen to our wisdom only.
Bring a conversion to us now,
and help us to remember
that we have so much to learn from young people.
Help us listen to them.
In doing so we will learn more about you.
Amen

Help me to pray it daily!

people placed in our lives

Today I lost a friend.

My friend Kathy was one of the most gracious people I know.  She was to me the face of a Christian woman.  We talked a couple of weeks ago about her girls and that is the only time I've seen her break down through these four and a half years of battling cancer.  But, we ended by wiping away the tears and agreeing ...she and Dave had raised them well...to be independent, to be in church, to be giving and to know their God.  What an example she has been to her girls...teaching them about strength, humility, love, kindness, patience.  What an example  their dad has been as a caring, loving husband.  What more could you ever give your children than that...what more was there to do?

God will say to her, Job well done my good and faithful servant.

The thing I loved about Kathy...I've heard so many people today call her "my cheerleader" and that she was.  When I was struggling through the divorce...I remember crying with her one night and saying "While I was busy doing what I thought was God's work he was busy finding someone else." and she didn't skip a beat...she said...you believe in God, right...yes...now you have to trust God...he has a plan and we don't know what it is...but have faith....this lady who had her own struggles at the same time as me was comforting me.....that's why she was our "cheerleader". 

Throughout I never heard her complain...I never heard her say "why me" and she always thought of others or worried about others. 

The youth at our church were shaken today.  They struggled to understand.  What an influence she was to them without probably even knowing it.  Dave, Kathy and the girls have supported them through many a spring break of service and mission trip.  The family is a part of their life, their world.  Nothing is suppose to happen to people you know and love.

People are placed in our lives, for a lifetime or for a short time...God gives us the gift of a Kathy McCluskey...to bless us and show us his way and how to live for his glory... It has been a joy to know her and to have her be a part of my life and she will never leave me.  She has touched and left her heart with all of us. 

She is home now and enjoying it all in the presence of our Lord.  Live it up and prepare a place for us.  I love you dear friend.

dog farts

Ohhh the smell...you know that smell if you have a dog...it will make you gag!
When I was growing up we had a poodle named "Snowball".  When he ate Alpo it was trouble.  He would let the stinkiest doggie toots.  They were silent but oh my....they were awful!  We would always tease my dad because he always blamed the dog for every toot ever expelled in our house.  Those were called Alpos.

My dogs will have stinkies if their food changes at all.  They are NOT picky eaters but they should be.  Their digestion gets totally messed up if they eat anything different.

I know there is a kid's book out about a farting dog called "Walter the Farting Dog".  I am sure everyone has experienced dog farts but I'm not sure how many people talk about them.

My dogs actually expel gas.  It isn't often you hear a dog let one but two of my dogs regularly do it.  Every time I hear one of them...I stop and look at them like... did I just hear what I think I heard?  Of course they are looking at me like...what??....I think it was you!

Dogs are just a hoot! I never thought I would write about dog poop or dog farts!  I have sunk to new lows!
I bet God made dogs just to make fun of us...nope he did it for the realization of love...they love us unconditionally and I love my pups...toots and all!

pity party

Some days just call for a pity party and this is one of those days!
I haven't written most of the week because I've had electrical problems at the house since Wed.  When I came home on Wed night there was electric in only half of the house.  What?? I did what any good woman would...I checked the breakers...flipped them off and on a few times...nothing there...climbed under the house...flipped the breakers on the furnace, just because! It sounded safe! Then I went online to look at AEP's site...it must be where it was coming into the house.
Went on to my disciple class and asked the guys there. They seemed to think like me...it was where it was coming into the house. 
When I went to bed on Wed night, I slept in the first bedroom so I could see...power was on in the kitchen, pantry and family room...Power came back on about 2am...but when I got up and moving in the morning I noticed it was doing a lot of high and low level lights...strange...I went back on AEP's website and logged in a surge...About this time thought of my appliances...fridge was gone...pantry little fridge had thawed out and there was water all over the floor...YIKES!! AEP called back and said...we sent someone out and you have good power coming into the house but we noticed the ground under the meter box is very corroded.  I don't even know where my meter box is!! I was fretting at work and Mona volunteered her poor husband to come out this morning and see what he could find...he found a lot...the breaker in the box below the meter is fried...and it was crackling...above his pay scale!  Where do you find an electrician?  I called Leslie, a realtor friend figuring she would know.
So am now waiting for a fellow to come this afternoon...meanwhile thought I would cut some grass and when I went out...the tractor seemed to be leaning to one side...I had a flat tire...I threw up my hands for a few minutes and had a good cry, cussed Mark McHenry till a fly wouldn't light on him...and then proceeded to pump up the tire...that explains why it was cutting so uneven last week!
The electrical problems explains why I had such trouble with the air conditioning this summer...I am just praying all appliances are going to be fried, too.  Plugged in the fridge to a surge protector and it seems to be doing fine.
 
It sucks being a homeowner...you NEVER get ahead.  I am ready to sell it all and get an apartment...oh wait there are 5 dogs that rely on me.  What to do?? I think I just want someone to feel sorry for me...I need someone to let me whine and not expect me to be strong.  I need a real good pity party...just for me..I want to be selfish and not share it with anyone...this is my pity party and no one else's!!
whaaaaaaaaaaa!whaaaaaaaaa!whaaaaaaaaaaa!
Are you feeling sorry yet?

god moments again

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]
 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;    I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress

So, I carpool to work with Courtney.  We talk alot.  Yesterday we talked about the 9/11 commemorations at our respective churches on Sunday.  She proceeded to tell me this psalm was in their bulletin in such a way it could be cut off and used as a bible bookmark.  She thought she would cut it out and put in her car in case we (she and Kim) were ever in a wreck we would have God's word with us.  She said she had just read the first paragraph....then later on she read the rest of it.

Do you see anything familiar in this scripture?? She said to me...Kim, it's the "Be still and listen" scripture.
I got goosebumps...God just keeps reminding me of what I need to do! I need to listen and be still.

jobs

It's Monday so off to work we go!
Another week, another dollar for our efforts.

I read somewhere the other day that no matter what we do in this life that we call "work" make it your ministry.  The way you act, the way you conduct yourself, is your ministry. 

Have you ever noticed there are some jobs we don't hold in as high regard as others?  But where would we be without them?  We tend to look down on blue collar workers.  We tend to not uphold the job they do.  When our kids head off to college we want them to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers.  Why? Because they make good money...bottom line...but any job you do is important to God.

I have never worked in a job I did not like...Now believe me some days are better than others...but I have never not liked my job.  I can't imagine going to a job you hate.  How miserable because honestly, we spend more time at our jobs than we do at our home many times. 

In this day and age when jobs are few and far between, we should be grateful for the job we have and for the work we do.  Work hard and be proud of whatever job you have.  We should never look down on others or the work they do.  Remember that ant in Proverbs?

Proverbs 6:6-11
You lazy fool, look at an ant.
   Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do.
   All summer it stores up food;
   at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
   How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
   sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
   poverty your permanent house guest!

So work hard, don't be lazy...All work is needed and necessary.  Work hard at whatever job you do and remember this could be your ministry.

where were you

Today in Sunday School we talked about 9/11 and the fact the kids in my youth class were between the ages of 2-6.  So they remembered very little about that historic day. 

I relayed my story...
I was at Hawks Nest State Park for a senior citizen event.  We were leaving for a tour of Kirkwood winery.  Before we left we saw the plane hit the first tower on the lobby television.  I just remember it was a beautiful day.  Blue skies and white puffy clouds.  We had two vans that were full of seniors.  We turned on the radio on the way and heard about the second tower.  My husband called several times just to check in on each other and we talked.  I prayed all the way to the winery. Several of the seniors had children in
Washington DC and in NYC.

We toured and were on our way to Summersville dam but all federal buildings were closed down that day.  So we did a turn to Carnifex Ferry Battlefield State Park...when we left the vans the people asked that we pray and we formed a large circle in nature and under blue skies and prayed.

All I wanted was my family and my church.  I left the event and came home that night so I could be with Mark and see and talk to Nick and Jennifer.  I called Justin several times throughout the day.  He was in the eastern panhandle at college. Which was much too close to DC.  I also knew they evacuated all upper level cabinet and staff to the NCTC (National Conservation Training Center) which sits about a mile from Shepherd College.   If I knew that who else knew that.

I came home...there was an impromptu church service led by George Webb and JF Lacaria.  Two men who could bring comfort.  I felt safe at home and church.  Mark and I stayed awake all night watching television, watching the towers fall and the destruction continue.

I remember my mom always talking about remembering where she was when she heard about Pearl Harbour and I never understood it.  Now I did.  The day history changes.  You remember where you were and what you were doing and what brought you comfort.

The scripture for the lectionary this morning was from Matthew where Jesus says to forgive someone 77 times and to love and pray for your enemies.  How appropriate. Hate can only destroy.We need to listen.

 I remember my children's sermon the Sunday after 9-11.  I talked about what we know to be true...that God loves us and God watches over us.  No matter what is happening.  Those thoughts came back to me 8 years later when tragedy hit my family.  When I hurt so bad I remembered that sermon....God loves me and God is watching over me.  No matter what.

God's Peace and Love be with you today as you remember.

lay leader

As I mentioned this morning today I attended lay leadership training offered by the Methodist Church.  We laughed so much.  Met some great people.  We had a great time and I heard the best one liner...we were talking about "politics".  We should all know better!! But this was a funny...
Politic comes from the greek word "Poli" meaning "citizen" and the word "tic" meaning a blood sucking low life...how appropriate!!

Thought that was funny!!

That was the kind of day it was...

calling

I have a busy weekend and it just started.  This weekend I am taking part in a lay leadership training program at the Methodist church.  There are about 8 of us in the class and our first session was last night.  I am not sure why I am here but I know something has been on my heart lately.  I am sure you've been noticing it in my  posts.  I am not sure what it is but its there...a calling...a feeling like I am being pushed to do something.

I think this is where that "be still and listen comes into play"!! I think I wrote way back in March that I heard God saying there is a life to save in Washington and knowing my kids were moving to the state of...I  had my bags packed ready to go...but I really feel like God is calling me in another direction...there is more than one Washington! 

God places a call on our lives sometimes and it is up to us to respond.   I felt like I needed to respond to this lay leadership training that it would help me find or prepare myself for this calling. 

I am not sure where I am going or how I am getting there but God knows and on that I will rely.  Pray for me as I struggle and patiently listen through this time...this time of finding his calling on my life...Pray that I "am still and listen" and hear his direction.

I am one of those people that want it cut and dry...I want a lightening bolt with song and dance....and we all know that isn't how God works.   I know I will look back after it all and say...OK, I get it now...this is what you had in mind for me and see how it all worked together for God's good and God's glory...

Like the old song says...Here I am Lord

courage

Courage is just fear that has said it's prayers...

the fear

The next time you feel frightened and fragile, stand very still.   If you do , you might feel the tip of an angel's wing brush against your shoulder.
Sara Ban Breathnach

Sometimes we are so afraid to do something we stand still and do nothing.  God, our creator is always beside us and walks with us....when we are afraid...just stand still and wait.  God will answer.

I listen to Joyce Meyer every morning...yesterday she was talking about how do you know if a man is the one for you.  She said "I can tell you. I know the answer!" 
Of course I perked up and thought, "I'm taking notes!"
Here is her plan:

Be still....(can you see how that keeps coming back???)
Pray for that person
Be patient...if it is meant to be it will.

She also said...if he's married...it's not God's will...no way! I loved that...
So be still and listen!
I will keep on doing it!

taking chances

But what do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say?

Oh to take a chance...it is really scary...we get so comfortable in the everyday and what we consider our norm.  It takes a lot to step out and take that chance.

I am thinking in terms of jobs...I've been looking around at what is out there and thinking about taking a leap...do I put in application? don't I?....if I wait they'll all be expired and that will make my decision for me!! Wimp...think of the song above...jumping off the edge....just JUMP!!

Then there is personal life, too...what do  you do? just JUMP!!

It sucks to be logical and think of all of the "what ifs"...don't you know people that are always taking chances...sometimes they come out good and sometimes they don't but at least they try it!
I think I just wrote the other day about not wanting to be laying on my death bed and saying "what if"

Ok here I go...JUMPING!
What do you say?

selfish

I heard Joyce Meyer say this the other day and hurriedly wrote it down...only to misplace it and just find it again. 

"You can't be selfish and be happy."  How true is that??

To be truly happy you have to give yourself.  You have to give freely.  You have to be open to giving your money, your time, and your heart to others.  All of these things are gifts from God.  All of these things he blessed you with...and I think he is wanting to see how you use them.  Are they used in his glory?  Are they used to give him glory? 

I always say "The poor person who has lots of money because the Lord expects a lot from you...he expects you to use it for his good not your own." 

Giving is a tough concept especially if you are selfish.  If you are concerned only with your self...you can't give to others because others will never come before you.  It is that old adage of "me,me,me, me"...It is all about me.  Everything revolves around me....what I feel, what I want, what I expect, what I get. 

Don't we all know these kind of people.  If and when I get that way ...someone please slap me up side the head and tell me.

unexpected gifts

Sometimes when we least expect it we receive an unexpected gift.  Last night is a prime example.

 It was one of those nights.  I was awake all night.  off and on.  I would drift off and the dogs would want out.  I would just get settled down and they would start licking themselves which becomes VERY loud when you are trying to sleep! And remember times that by 5!  I would toss and turn and  flip on the TV to see what is on at 1:30, 2:00. 

Finally around 3:30 the dogs wanted out AGAIN.  They were so restless...maybe because I was!  When they got outside they were off...running and barking really loud...I screamed at them...they paid no attention...so I went back in, shut the door and said some nasty words!  Let them stay outside all night!

They didn't stop!  So, five minutes later there I went...angry....of course I didn't think of my own welfare...who knows what was out there!  I never did see anything! But I told them to "GET IN THE HOUSE"...they paid no attention.  So, I walked off the back porch and toward the church next door to see if I saw anything.  Boy did I!!

I was given a gift of stars!  At 3:45 the sky was crystal clear and there were more stars than I could ever count or identify.  The Milky Way was visible.  It was awesome...I pulled out a lounge chair, relaxed and just looked.  Beautiful! They didn't stop barking...but I didn't even notice.

Finally, the dogs wandered my way and calmed down and the time was over...we went inside and went to sleep....but what an unexpected gift I received.   When you least expect it...sometimes....you are unexpectedly blessed!

random pictures

I just found these random pictures last night on my computer...I knew where they came from....Taylor would get hold of my camera and take the most random things....the top one...once I looked closely is the door to my fridge with magnets and pictures on it...don't look at the finger prints!...I guess she liked the one of all of the boys!

The second one is the wagon she would put her stuffed animals in and the bottom one is a pair of scissors...I hope she didn't have them in her possession.  There were also some close ups of Zack with his finger in his nose...it was apparent he didn't know he was being photographed.

The unexpected.  When you least expect it, something happens and can take you by surprise.  Usually it makes me laugh.  These pictures made me laugh because I can just imagineTaylor taking them and I am also thinking "Where was I through all of that...wasn't I probably suppose to be watching them!"

We should always be open to the unexpected.  Sometimes it is something we would have never thought of our self.  Maybe it is something we needed to do for a long time and just haven't but now we have that push, that nudge to do it.

Serendipity...do you know what that means?  lets look it up in Urban Dictionary! 

A very good coincidence, often leading to something really awesome.

The act of 'stumbling' upon something good or fortunate. Something that makes you happy.

Me stumbling on these pictures made me happy...it was serendipity I found them...maybe I was having a bad day and they picked me up!

Use it in a sentence:  It was serendipity that I put one quarter in the gumball machine and three came out. :-)

I like to think there is no such thing as serendipity but it is God's hand.   By us allowing something to take place it results in something else happening or otherwise known as a God Moment!!! Talk about 6 degrees of separation...I went from random pictures to God Moments...who knew they were so connected!!