I talk a lot about my dogs but they are very entertaining!! Lil' Guy...the youngest and nuttiest will chase his tail...you think after the 100th time he would catch on that this is not possible and it hurts when he does catch it...
Around and around...even when he is going to sleep at nigiht he goes around and around...settling in...until he is almost right on top of me...then he snuggles down and slowly his eyes droop...
This divorce has been like chasing my tail...just by reading these posts I am sure you can see how I go round and around on the emotional merry-go-round...I am doing better...then I hit a rough spot...I get real confident again...then hit a wall...on and off the merry-go-round...i read and learn...hit the bottom and then bounce back...i am hoping it will get better..soon it will be two years since Mark started his affair with a woman he dated in college and looked up on Facebook...and invited her to lunch which started it all...of course I knew none of this...it is amazing how you can live with someone for 32 years and not have a clue what they are doing when they are not with you or who they are doing it with.
I always thought I was a smart and independant woman...didn't need anything but I found when this happened Mark was my rock...he kept the home fires burning while I traveled and enjoyed my job. I didn't know he wasn't happy...I didn't have a clue...my tail chasing started early...I was chasing it back then as I tried to keep everyone happy from family to work to church...I tried to keep it all juggling and he is the ball that fell.
I am so sorry for dropping that ball...I am sad for all that was lost...forgive me my kids, forgive me my grandkids...I love you all..and am so sorry for the part I had in causing you pain...
Lora and I had a real heart to heart the other day and discussed my part in the marriage failing how I didn't have or make time for Mark...and I do realize that was my sin...I didn't want to be home ...i found the joy in my life in other places...not with him...I am so sad, I am paying for my sins...
God has shown me the greed I had...he has shown me the importance I put on my church, my job and my home...I now know I don't need any of it...I am willing to give it all up and move and start over...I don't need any of it...the home, the job...none of it matters...only my God and family...i know my priorities...
Where do I go from here...where God leads me.
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