When I found out about my husbands affair I didn't know where to go and the old adage about fight or flight was definitely true. I flew the coop. I ran home to my mom. I was crushed and hurting and did what all kids do when they are hurt...I ran home where I would find comfort. Where I found comfort when I was younger.
Mom gave me that, she gave me encouragement, she left me alone, she talked to the boys when I couldn't lift my head from the pillow. Then Mark showed up and like an idiot I went with him...believing all the lies.
But as we all know the truth finally wins out...the truth sets us free...
During holy week...Jesus ran home when he hurt. He ran to the Garden where he prayed. He ran to his father. He prayed for God to take this away from him...He knew what was going to happen...He wasn't an idiot like me...he didn't believe the lies...he knew where he was headed...he knew he would be betrayed...he knew he would die. He knew it would be painful and it would hurt many people.
He went home to his father in prayer...where he would find peace and where he found the love he needed to move on to the cross. His father held the truth and in the end the truth won out.
We, too can find the peace, the truth, the love in the same place Jesus did...in our father.
Remember when I wrote my lament last month? I talked about the book of Lamentations...today write your own lament. Talk about your pain. Cry out to the Lord like Jesus did...like I have...ask him to take this cup from you. Turn to him.
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
play it again sam
Why will it never go away?
You know I can be having a great day...cruising right along and then it will hit me and I will break down...the destruction of the marriage...the hurt...the pain...I just don't get it.
As you know, I like answers...I like to know why things are happening...so WHY does it always come back? And why does it come back when it does?
Nick would tell me to think about this...it isn't as often and it doesn't send me to bed for a week like it did in the beginning...but why does it keep haunting me?
Mark was a jerk...he was a liar...he was a cheat....he did something that went against all I believed in...why would I waste my time even giving him a second of my brain space?? Was it because for 32 years this was normal? I felt that what we had was perfect? I trusted him for 32 years? I didn't think he could do something like this? I feel like aliens invaded the body of the man I loved. That I don't matter now.
I sometimes wonder if it is just the competition of the chase...someone else got what I had. How psycho is that! I watched a movie the other night about a teenage boy who checked himself into a mental hospital to just get away from it all and have a rest from parents and the world...Sometimes I think I would love to do that.
This sucks...I don't want to play it over and over. I want to move on. I want the good life I know is right around the corner...right within my reach...I want that...but I can't get past the past.
Pray for me.
You know I can be having a great day...cruising right along and then it will hit me and I will break down...the destruction of the marriage...the hurt...the pain...I just don't get it.
As you know, I like answers...I like to know why things are happening...so WHY does it always come back? And why does it come back when it does?
Nick would tell me to think about this...it isn't as often and it doesn't send me to bed for a week like it did in the beginning...but why does it keep haunting me?
Mark was a jerk...he was a liar...he was a cheat....he did something that went against all I believed in...why would I waste my time even giving him a second of my brain space?? Was it because for 32 years this was normal? I felt that what we had was perfect? I trusted him for 32 years? I didn't think he could do something like this? I feel like aliens invaded the body of the man I loved. That I don't matter now.
I sometimes wonder if it is just the competition of the chase...someone else got what I had. How psycho is that! I watched a movie the other night about a teenage boy who checked himself into a mental hospital to just get away from it all and have a rest from parents and the world...Sometimes I think I would love to do that.
This sucks...I don't want to play it over and over. I want to move on. I want the good life I know is right around the corner...right within my reach...I want that...but I can't get past the past.
Pray for me.
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