Lament II
Lord I am in pain and don't think it will ever leave me.
Lord why have you allowed this to happen to me?
Lord why have you allowed this pain and sorrow to enter my life?
I have tried to be your servant.
I have tried to live my life for you.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why are there so many tears?
Why did you take my best friend?
Why did you take my soul?
Why did you allow this to happen? to me? to my boys?
Why did Satan win? Why did Mark turn to Satan and not you?
Why didn't you listen to my prayers? Why did you not open your heart to me?
I trust you Lord. I know with you mountains can move.
With you a life can turn around.
God I put all my trust in you.
God I give my life to you.
In your ways I will walk.
I will denounce all things Satan.
I will step away knowing you have my best interest.
My ears are open to your voice.
I will tell everyone what you have done for me.
I will serve you.
I love you Lord, now and forever.
some nights are just nights of tears.
Showing posts with label lamentation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lamentation. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
why lament? why repent?
Last night we had a disciple bible study class...I love to learn about the history of God's people while applying it to my life. They are very similar. Human kind has not changed in all of these years. Poor God, how many times do you think he would love to say...stop your whining...grow up....it isn't about you.
We reviewed lamentations...God's chosen people blamed God for every woe they had after their exile...he didn't listen to their prayers, he discarded them like trash, he watched them suffer...all of those lines start with "He" did this to me...."He" brought this on me...not until later in the chapter do you see repentance. After all of the wailing and "woe" they figure out maybe I better repent...maybe not for the right reasons...but they start seeing maybe this was the result of something they did. So they say "forgive me, Lord".
Only after that repentance do they find recovery and hope and do they listen to the commandments of God and what they are told to do. Through suffering they find God. He ends by saying Call out and I will be listening. I never forsake you.
OK, I have to say it, does this sound like me or what...of course no one's pain is as bad as yours...but my suffering has led to me first blaming and questioning God...followed by me looking at my part in this...what did I do to bring this on? Could I have been a better spouse? To finally seeing there is hope in my future if I follow and listen to God. If I put him first I can survive.
A lament is a prayer that expresses sorrow or it means to mourn out loud. So I thought I would write my own lament. Lucky you, I am going to share it with you. Here goes my stab at a Psalm of Lament.
God, why do you let bad things happen? Why do you let those that hurt us walk around as if they are superior and all is fine and dandy? My husband has become my ex. He was my true love, I loved him with my whole heart for a lifetime. Was that the problem? I loved him more than you? Are you a jealous God? Did you allow this to happen to me because in some unknown way I had deceived you? I did something I didn't even realize offended you? I want to know WHY from you, God and from Mark. WHY did this happen to me?
I believed you would always protect me. I believed he would always love me. I believed you would always cover my heart, keep it from ever breaking. I did your work. I did what you called me to do. My heart is broken. A million shards of glass.
Help me Lord to heal. How do you heal a broken heart? How do you mend something that can't be seen?
Will the hurt ever go away? I ask you to take it. Take the hurt. Take the pain. Never let it happen again. Once in a lifetime is enough, isn't it? Never let me hurt like this ever again. But through the suffering I have found you Lord. Through the pain I have met you. Through the betrayal and hurt you lifted me up and loved me. I know you in ways I never knew you. Thank you for loving me through it all.
Amen and Amen
We reviewed lamentations...God's chosen people blamed God for every woe they had after their exile...he didn't listen to their prayers, he discarded them like trash, he watched them suffer...all of those lines start with "He" did this to me...."He" brought this on me...not until later in the chapter do you see repentance. After all of the wailing and "woe" they figure out maybe I better repent...maybe not for the right reasons...but they start seeing maybe this was the result of something they did. So they say "forgive me, Lord".
Only after that repentance do they find recovery and hope and do they listen to the commandments of God and what they are told to do. Through suffering they find God. He ends by saying Call out and I will be listening. I never forsake you.
OK, I have to say it, does this sound like me or what...of course no one's pain is as bad as yours...but my suffering has led to me first blaming and questioning God...followed by me looking at my part in this...what did I do to bring this on? Could I have been a better spouse? To finally seeing there is hope in my future if I follow and listen to God. If I put him first I can survive.
A lament is a prayer that expresses sorrow or it means to mourn out loud. So I thought I would write my own lament. Lucky you, I am going to share it with you. Here goes my stab at a Psalm of Lament.
God, why do you let bad things happen? Why do you let those that hurt us walk around as if they are superior and all is fine and dandy? My husband has become my ex. He was my true love, I loved him with my whole heart for a lifetime. Was that the problem? I loved him more than you? Are you a jealous God? Did you allow this to happen to me because in some unknown way I had deceived you? I did something I didn't even realize offended you? I want to know WHY from you, God and from Mark. WHY did this happen to me?
I believed you would always protect me. I believed he would always love me. I believed you would always cover my heart, keep it from ever breaking. I did your work. I did what you called me to do. My heart is broken. A million shards of glass.
Help me Lord to heal. How do you heal a broken heart? How do you mend something that can't be seen?
Will the hurt ever go away? I ask you to take it. Take the hurt. Take the pain. Never let it happen again. Once in a lifetime is enough, isn't it? Never let me hurt like this ever again. But through the suffering I have found you Lord. Through the pain I have met you. Through the betrayal and hurt you lifted me up and loved me. I know you in ways I never knew you. Thank you for loving me through it all.
Amen and Amen
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
lamentations...woe is me
I am taking a Disciple bible study class right now...I feel the need for some teaching! So what is the first thing I read...Lamentations...and I think I've had it bad...it can always be worse! That "woe is me" by the Jewish people as they are led off to Babylonia...they had it so good...what happened...why didn't they listen?
You know it is always someone else's fault...we hate to think or admit we may have done anything wrong! But we do...and do we have prophets today to tell us? One of my worst faults is covering all of my bases...
my daily horoscopes...I always laugh and say "it's just a parlor game". But just like in lamentations...the Jews are told again and again about false Gods. But it is just my daily reading...or my tarot cards..it's online...it's nothing...but it is...it creates this little seed of doubt...this thinking of maybe it is correct maybe it is all about fate...maybe it's in the cards...God who??
Several weeks before I found out about Mark's affair, we were playing our parlor game at work...and I was told "someone is having an affair"...I was dumbfounded and (I am sorry Becky) thought I knew my husband was having an affair with his friend Becky...well he was but not with her...but do you see...because it was true I believed maybe I could rely on these cards for my answers.
I must confess...I have been to a psychic several times and have even talked friends into going with me...what is that about...and I could see answers in her predictions...just the other day I found a printout of our session and thought look at that...so much of it is true...If I were God I would be totally pissed at Kim McHenry!!
I know what God expects of me and false Gods is not it...I asked the psychic one time about her feelings on God and if this goes against all we are told by him and she quoted scripture to me...but doesn't the bible say false God's can do that?
When my troubles began I looked at what I had done lately searching for a reason...just like those Jews in the book of Lamentations....woe is me...why me...well God had plenty of reason...but I know my God doesn't punish me...I do plenty of that on my own...I have free will...I make choices...I like to cover all of my bases just in case God isn't what I think he is.
I had a kid one time ask me...do you actually believe all this stuff about God...yes I do..why don't I act like it...I don't walk the talk I talk...it is a daily struggle...every day I have to make the God choice and that isn't easy...WOE IS ME... I will lament and I will keep struggling...
You know it is always someone else's fault...we hate to think or admit we may have done anything wrong! But we do...and do we have prophets today to tell us? One of my worst faults is covering all of my bases...
my daily horoscopes...I always laugh and say "it's just a parlor game". But just like in lamentations...the Jews are told again and again about false Gods. But it is just my daily reading...or my tarot cards..it's online...it's nothing...but it is...it creates this little seed of doubt...this thinking of maybe it is correct maybe it is all about fate...maybe it's in the cards...God who??
Several weeks before I found out about Mark's affair, we were playing our parlor game at work...and I was told "someone is having an affair"...I was dumbfounded and (I am sorry Becky) thought I knew my husband was having an affair with his friend Becky...well he was but not with her...but do you see...because it was true I believed maybe I could rely on these cards for my answers.
I must confess...I have been to a psychic several times and have even talked friends into going with me...what is that about...and I could see answers in her predictions...just the other day I found a printout of our session and thought look at that...so much of it is true...If I were God I would be totally pissed at Kim McHenry!!
I know what God expects of me and false Gods is not it...I asked the psychic one time about her feelings on God and if this goes against all we are told by him and she quoted scripture to me...but doesn't the bible say false God's can do that?
When my troubles began I looked at what I had done lately searching for a reason...just like those Jews in the book of Lamentations....woe is me...why me...well God had plenty of reason...but I know my God doesn't punish me...I do plenty of that on my own...I have free will...I make choices...I like to cover all of my bases just in case God isn't what I think he is.
I had a kid one time ask me...do you actually believe all this stuff about God...yes I do..why don't I act like it...I don't walk the talk I talk...it is a daily struggle...every day I have to make the God choice and that isn't easy...WOE IS ME... I will lament and I will keep struggling...
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