people you trip over

Somewhere there is a quote that goes something like.... People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do...I truly believe God put people in my life during this past year that helped move me forward and prepared me along the way. 

Five years ago I changed jobs.  The job I went to was almost all women, but Christian women, where we talk about God and talk about God in our lives...when this happened to me the women at work closed ranks and surrounded me with love, they helped me face the fact it was over, they helped me dig for answers when I needed them, they told me I looked beautiful when I looked awful...and they prayed for me.  They also helped me take that first tentative step into the land of the living...I always remember them coming in at lunch and saying "Get your butt up...you need to get out of here...it is time to move." It was like God knew exactly five years ago who needed to be around me to get me through this. 

My church family also circled the wagons.  Once they found out what was going on they loved me, hugged me, let me cry and kept me in their prayers.  They didn't pry or ask questions...they let me tell what I needed to tell and kept quiet and didn't spread rumors...which is what you would hope your church would be like....someone just told me last night, "I don't know who you told at the beginning but they kept it close and respected your space"...All this time they also built me up and pushed me along my path.

Divorce Care...I went to a 12 week course at a local Nazarene Church.  I knew no one in this workshop but they met me where I was and helped me to grow through this ordeal.  They were right on target...the answers were there...This was also the first time I thought I could help someone else going through this.

Friends and Lora (who is my dear friend) will get their own posting! They were so important...more than they will ever know.  These are the folks that last a lifetime.

The lady at the bank...I went once to the bank to get my mortgage put in my name and left numb after I was told I would need to refinance, etc...and not very nicely.  I gave myself a couple of months and went back and got a new person (older lady) who talked me through all kinds of financial stuff and helped me set up a plan.  She was wonderful..I cried and she patted my back and gave me tissues...and I was set...we did what needed to be done!!

Counselors...one of the first people I talked to after finding out about Mark told me first thing to do is "find a counselor for you".  I went to my family doctor (who then became involved in my recovery which was a good thing) and she connected me with Tom who was just who I needed.  Tom let me figure things out myself (all of my counselor friends are saying "That's what we do!")...he let me talk...he let me rave...he let me cry...and in the end he helped me figure out this marriage could not be saved.  He was a Christian counselor so with it came bible stories and scripture which is what I needed.  This past holiday I really felt I needed to talk to someone so I went back to counseling (a program through our work) and met Luanne.  She gave me books to read and we just talked...and when I felt I was OK and I made it through the holidays and I didn't think I needed her anymore...she told me that was her last day at work...see she was there just for me...the person I needed.

People...some not really friends but put where and when I needed them ...God is good all the time...and he sees the big picture...how blessed am I!!!

those voices in my head!

We always laugh at work about those little voices in our head...jokingly...but I am here to tell you there are really voices! I remember Cassell years ago doing a sermon about being a Christian and he said, "Once a Christian, you know when you are doing something wrong because it just doesn't feel right and you hear that voice that says 'what are you doing?'  Things are never the same! You can't get rid of those voices once you've accepted Christ!!"...
During this year I have spent many days and nights on my knees praying...I have always felt closer to God on my knees...maybe it is that humbling thing...during those times of prayer I went from one extreme to another...I prayed for my husband and my life back to kill the SOB (something with fire and brimstone would be good)!! I am sure God loved those prayers!! Thank goodness he is a forgiving God!! But remember those little voices?? They were always the same and always said the same thing..."Step away!! Know I am God and let me do my work"..."trust me"....well,  if you know me I am a little controlling and all trust was just blown out of the water due to a cheating husband...and it is hard to give up that control and really trust someone else.  I know best...but when you are at your lowest you really learn the most...that's when I learned to give it up and know that he is God... I stepped away from everything related to Mark...I cleaned out my house of all things Mark...I need to trust the Lord and not me...looking at that emotional roller coaster i was on that may have been a really really good idea!  As I cleaned out my house I also cleaned out myself...I stopped all contact with my family-in-law which was a really hard thing to do...but started to slowly heal.  Wow! He does know what he is talking about!!
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10...that be still thing is a whole other story!!

Joan moments

So Joan of Arcadia has what my kids and I call "Joan moments".  When God tells Joan what to do and she fusses but does it anyway resulting in something good or insight into something....Now before i started on this journey if someone had told me they had a "Joan moment" in real life I would have smiled nicely and thought to myself "a little wacky" even though I always believed in God and considered myself to be a Christian.  But I am here to tell you that I have had "Joan Moments" and come face to face with our Lord.  The first time it happened I paid no attention and if I had not gone to church that Sunday probably would not have realized what had happened to me...I must say now...I take nothing for granted...God is in the thick of it all and I watch for him now!!! OK so you are just like me...reading this and saying to yourself..."she's a little wacky" but I invite you to continue visiting this blog and reading day after day and you can make your own call...but I know that God has walked right beside me through this past year...making his presence known...you know the scripture says " just ask" (kids I think that is from the book of James, which if you remember is my favorite!) James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."  This past year I lacked wisdom but I knew enough to just ask.  It starts with a letter...which I will share with you next time and I must warn you.. it isn't a nice letter.  It was sent to me by who knows...but it made me question me and it made me question God. In the end it brought God face to face with me.  So looking back on it...I can honestly say, what started out as a way to hurt and degrade me turned into a blessing from God...I will repeat...every time I was at my lowest this past year...God was at his highest...something good always came from something bad.  And I am wise enough to praise and thank him for that.