scary day

Since today is Halloween I thought I would talk about scary movies.  Have you ever seen the movie by Alfred Hitchcock called "The Birds"?  Talk about scary!  I remember watching as a kid.  I was petrified of birds after seeing that,  especially flocks of birds!  I knew they were going to peck my eyes out!

This morning I was sitting here at the computer and heard this noise and thought it was my washing machine since I am washing clothes...so I kept ignoring it...but it didn't go away when cycles changed.  So, I went to investigate and in the three trees behind the house was a flock or two or three of birds.  Black birds (just like in the movie The Birds!) and the air was full of the hissing sound of those birds.  When I walked out the dogs went with me and they just stood there with me and took it all in.  What an amazing thing.  When we walked out they flew in a circle and came right back and landed in the same trees. 

One of my favorite movies is "Winged Migration" it has no vocals but are just these beautiful shots of birds in flight.  I love independent films and wish so much we had an independent movie theater in Charleston.  I remember seeing this movie in Shepherdstown.  Zack, when he was little would watch it for hours. 

There is nothing that says fall is coming more than Canada geese flying in formation over the house, close to the roof as they ready to land at the golf course.  I love to stand and watch them fly over.

Fall is here and another year will soon pass.  I finally feel like I've come full circle.  If I could sing the Lion King song "The Circle of Life" I would about now!! Isn't it funny life's circle and I guess through it all you have to be comfortable with yourself.  You have to know what and who you are.  What and who you believe and what and who you will serve.  I am God's and he is mine. 

I get it God...I don't need "Be still and listen" anymore!

laugh

Laughter is such a gift.  I laugh when I am nervous and when I am happy.  Anyone that really knows me well knows the difference between the two.  One is a little thin laugh and the other is usually a belly laugh that comes right from my heart.  I love to be reading or watching tv and suddenly something really funny touches you makes you laugh.  It is unexpected and the laugh is real.  The kids can make me laugh, with what they say and what they do.

My grandaughter Taylor has what we always called a "bar room laugh" which is a great throaty laugh.  Sounds like a wench that has been drinking all night.  Nothing wrong with the sound!  Having laughter is a blessing.  To see life in such a way as you can laugh is a gift from God.  Even those thin laughs in the time of hardships is a joy.  I lost my laughter after the divorce but it is making its way back.

I am still reading "Cutting for Stone" and the quote for the day is:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." 
Don't you love the thought of God laughing?  Can you imagine the sound.  I bet he has a bar room laugh.  He is joyful so I am sure he laughs quite often.  I am sure we make him laugh often!

I am throwing all plans out the window and God this is your plan...I am only on the path! Now stop that.. quit your laughing!
PS:  Don't you love the picture of Jesus laughing!

cutting for stone II

A couple more quotes...I can't write them down fast enough...

We are all fixing what is broken.  It is the task of a lifetime.  We'll leave much for the next generation.
Life is like that!  You live it forward but understand it backwards.

I can't put this book down.  It has been a long time since I've started a book like that.
I will keep you updated

cutting for stone

I started next month's book club book and am smitten from the start.

I have to share with you a quote that had me stopping.  (I was on the treadmill as I read!) and writing it down to remember.
Here goes!

When Marion asked the Matron what he should do in his life, she said:
"What is the hardest thing you can possibly do?" This made him squirm and ask "Why"
And here it comes!
"Because, Marion, you are an instrument of God.  Don't leave the instrument sitting in its case, my son, Play!
Leave no part of your instrument unexplored.  Why settle for "Three Blind Mice" when you can play the "Gloria".
I will let that sit in your heart and let you turn it over and over and ponder the thought.
Isn't that a beautiful analogy.  It makes me wonder at age 55 can I dust off my instrument and play it anew!
Thank you Abraham Verghese.  The book is "Cutting for Stone" and I can't wait to read on.

weebles

Do you remember these things?  Can you sing the song?  "Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down!" 

This is day 3 of the plan to run a 5K in April.  I have decided I have a lot in common with a weeble!  I have been using the treadmill because it is so dark in the mornings and in the evenings...I am all over that thing.  I weeble and wobble but just like them...I am still standing at the end!

My dogs are getting a real kick out of this! They sit all around me just staring.  When I start to run...well they look very confused....like "what are you doing? You don't do that!" 

I will keep going, I will keep wobbling and weebling.  And I hope in the end I don't fall down.  This weekend I try this outside.  How many people can I knock off the sidewalk with my weebling!

the war has begun

It has started already.  The weather is getting colder and it has started.  Tonight I was getting trash ready for pick up and it was dark on the back porch...I reached in to pull out the trash bag and grabbed a mouse instead...I screamed and I am sure scared the bejesus out of it...YUK!

Next it will be in my house...in the pantry...where they love to live...it will be in the dog food...and you know me...I hate to kill any living thing...but if I don't they overtake the place...

So, the war is on...I will try to think of new and creative ways to catch these critters only to take them outside and release them and see them back inside the next day!!  I need to invite my mother for a visit.  She is a great mouse killer!

Wonder what we are suppose to learn from mice?  Does God have a lesson I am suppose to be learning? Patience and perseverance I think are the two things I am reminded every year!

stakeholders

Today I attended a high tech conference...you can just imagine the number of pocket protectors and you would be close!  In the midst of a session today on project management...which is my real job...the word "stakeholders" came up.  Who is a stakeholder in your project...negative and positive stakeholders. 
It made me think...who is a stakeholder in my life?  Who is it that has a piece of me and my life?  Who is affected good and bad by my life?

I had to look it up in urban dictionary!  And that is exactly how it was used today...this is so funny!!

A term widely used in the corporate environment usually by management or workers aspiring to be managers without any intelligence or sense of how stupid they sound.

Stakeholders is a term that usually accompanies other corporate buzz words such as "bandwidth', "paradigm", and "circle back". You generally will not hear words like "stakeholder" in social situations outside of work, yet for some reason, people feel compelled to use them at work just to increase their level of annoyance and stupidity.

Use it in a sentence:  Boss: Fred, when you get some bandwidth this morning, lets circle back and address the stakeholders of this project.
I am not going to repeat what Fred said!

 

So being the buzz word person I am...who is a stakeholder in my life...who is affected by me and what I do?

What a scary thought. 

There are my kids, my mom, my brother and his family, my grandbabies, my work family, my friends, my board member friends (Putnam Co Parks, CDOM), my church family, my church kids (that I love like my own), my friends at church (different from church family), my Sunday School, my disciple class, my relatives distant and close, my college friends, my sorority sisters, my FB friends, my state park friends...the list goes on and on and I think those are all the positive stakeholders...what about all of the negative stakeholders...I could really give you a list of those folks!! It is amazing how many lives we are intertwined with...how many places where our lives touch each others. 

 

God is the biggest stakeholder in my life.  God is sometimes negative...showing me all of the wrong I do and the bad I do but also the most positive stakeholder in my life...showing me all the good in people and the world.  Wow...if God be for us who can be against us...

 

Be a stakeholder to someone...try to make it a positive stakeholder!!

Blessings to you!

first day

As I have mentioned, I have lost a lot of weight...I still have those last 20 I would like to lose...I think when you get to your dream weight you always want more...I should be happy where I am...now it is time to get this bag of bones moving.  I have committed with my sorority sisters to run a 5K race this spring.  Today I started the training.  I picked the MAYO training regime.  I guess I fell for the name!  It has to be healthy, right!!

So I got up about 4:30, fed the dogs, and dressed for success in my spandex...scary early in the morning!
I realized when you are watching the clock 30 minutes goes really fast.  I am working on the treadmill since it is so early and I have a really busy day ahead of me.  I ran 30 sec and fast walked for 60 for 30 minutes and added a 5 minute walking warm up and 5 minutes of walking cool down.

A few things I found out....boobs bounce no matter the size.  I have on a sports bra and when I lose weight boobs are the first place I do it...and these suckers feel like they are going to bounce right off...they have a mind of their own.  I wonder if duct tape works.

I sweat!! I know I do but I was pouring this morning...I started out with a shirt on and was stripping in no time..My dogs sat all around me just watching...I bet they were taking bets on how long I would last.

I don't pick up my feet...I have a tendency to skuff my feet.  I have a friend taking tap dance right now and maybe that's what I need to PICK UP MY FEET.  I always knew I was a rock kicker when I hike but I will be when I run, too.  There has to be a prescription for this.  Falling on my face would probably do it!

But through all of this I can say...I did day one!! I have started...April is getting closer.
I know there is scripture about running a good race...I hope this gets me on the track to do just that!
I'll keep you posted.

mental pause

Today I am going to talk about Menopause.  Periods.  That kind of thing.
Guys now is the time to jump out of here.

About five years ago I started with the hot flashes.  I hate hot flashes.  They start on the inside of your body and it feels like you are burning from the inside to the out.  It isn't like getting hot in summer, it is burning hot.
Then those hot flashes stopped.

I had normal periods up until my life trauma with Mark and I just chocked it up to stress. I didn't have a period for 8 months then suddenly here they came again.  I was always a very regular woman.  Every 28 days on schedule...5 days...heavy two and then winding down.  Never changed. Then two years ago it started with the 8 month stretch of none.  I thought this is it!  I am done.  If you are a guy and still reading...they suck! I looked so forward to never having a period again. 

At this point I will tell you my funny period story....my mom always told me guys had this built in radar that told them when women were having periods...(that has to be an old wives tale) so guess what I thought that penis was for!! (make a radar sound here!!) and you wonder why my marriage failed!!

So I have now gotten to the point where I have a period every other month.  I am really sick of this...either come on full bore or nothing...not this off and on stuff.  And the hot flashes are back...where did they come from??!!??

When the hot flashes started I went online looking for menopause info...why is this happening and what is
happening...look at what I found.

Mood swings and swings from low to high energy, general irritability...(yea just mess with me some days!  Ask my employees about this one...this could explain some people I work with!)

Drop in serotonin in the brain, or feel-good chemicals, which may cause loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, aka depression. (Get the hell away from me!)

Hot flashes.  Suddenly feeling the need to get outdoors (if it is cool) and get some air, having night sweats.  This may or may not be accompanied by irritability. (AC at work going up and down is a prime sign of this one!)

Decrease in female hormones leading to a possible change in libido - this is not always the case. Some women even report a greater desire for sex.  (OK so that explains it! Look out men!!)

Reduction of vaginal secretions, along with general dryness, thinning and/or loss of elasticity of skin, sometimes causing painful intercourse (that messes with the previous one doesn't it!) (OK my skin is hanging off my body like a dress on a hanger.)

I remember Mark telling me my dad gave him a piece of advice.  If you can make it through her menopause you can make it through anything.  Guess he couldn't do it! Assh*)&...I guess I can blame that response on those mood swings! 

The thing I hate most about this is the mental pause.  At our recent beach reunion we laughed because it took all of us to remember and think of someones name, a city or an event.  We all are around the same age...that mental pause age!  Not only does our body take a pause so do our minds. 

Getting old!! What fun it is!! Younger ladies...someday you will understand!!

there it is again

OK...so today I went to a friend's dad funeral...it was one of the most beautiful funerals I have ever attended and I decided I really wish I knew this man.

He was the communications director for Borg Warner and his past employees spoke about him with such love.  He had written a book entitled: The Words Of The Bible Are Not Mine: A Curious Conversation With God  he sounds like my kind of guy.  He had lost faith and came back around to find his God and the love that he has.  I wish I had known him.  Employees talked about how he went with AP style and punctuation and spelling.  I now understand so much about his daughter and my friend, especially her love of the written word.

At the end of the service....get ready for it....a speaker talked about Jim's feelings on the verse:  Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

It comes at me from all directions.  I promise I am trying!!

you never know where prayer will lead

I am a firm believer in you never know what goes on behind closed doors.  That perfect American family may be struggling with abuse, alcoholism, divorce or drugs behind the doors of their perfect home. 

We try so hard to be perfect and to give the appearance of all good and wonderful!  But really it isn't.  A family in crisis is so hard.  What do you do?  Who do you talk to?  When do you take a step and make a change?  This is a life change...that will affect your kids and family forever. 

Life is not easy...as a matter of fact sometimes it sucks.  But I have found through my whole year of crap there are people out there who hold you in the palm of their hand and love you. Sometimes, you don't even know them.  There are those friends that keep you close and keep you sane but there are also all of those people that pray for you every day.  They keep you in their thoughts and ask about you.  They may not ask you but they ask friends and family.  Think about all the people in this world that love you.  That's what I love about prayer lists...it is like that old game of gossip...we whisper in each others ears and the message gets spread.  But this time it isn't gossip it is prayer.  What power!

I recently had a friend who had a friend with breast cancer.  I put her on our prayer list at church.  This led to a friend of a friend in North Carolina.  That lady had a breast cancer ministry (due to her own experience) and asked if she could share a packet with the friend of a friend.  This led to correspondence and support during the initial stage of finding out, surgery and now chemo.  These two would have never met or supported each other without prayer.

We never know who we will touch or how we will touch others.  What we say and do may be exactly what they need at that point in time.  How powerful!  But that's God isn't it!  Working through us to work for others...that old servant thing.  Sometimes I hear people say...I don't have time to serve or I don't know how to serve.  Try praying....one of the best ways we can serve each other.

Once again I started with one thought and ended on a completely different random thought.  Yikes!  I told someone yesterday...I am getting old and forgetful...I think it is showing!

bad girls

I think I relate to cranky!!no wait...bossy...no, sassy...I can't even read the other one...maybe my butt is big enough to include them all....oooops off topic!! sort of!!
A little glass of vino...

I have told you that Jennifer and i have taken to wine skype nights...when she and I were here as lonely women we would have wine nights...now that she is in Walla Walla we have wine skype nights.  We both drink our glass of wine and talk just like we were sitting next to each other on the couch.   These days though, Nick joins in with his bottle of beer.  We are NOT hard core drinkers...not by a long shot...even though Jennifer did suggest I come to Walla Walla and become a vintner in my next life.

I swear by a glass on wine at night, not every night.  I told a friend recently she needed to try it.  At the end of the day...pour a glass...relax...put on some good music...dance a little...and you are feeling good...

It makes me sleep...so I go to sleep totally relaxed.  And according to some study...it is good for me.

How can something that people say is so bad for you be good for you?  I have always said "you have to be a little bad to be good"...you have to have one vice...no one is perfect. 

For years I smoked...off and on....I smoked when I was with the park guys...and we were out for the night...it just came naturally....or when I was nervous.  I started smoking in 9th grade when I stole some cigs from my brother's bedroom...(sorry Fred) then I stopped when I had my kids...because I knew it wasn't good for the unborn bab  (you are welcome Nick and Justin).  I started up again but stopped cold turkey when we had to sign an affidavit for our health insurance, probably 15 years ago...I couldn't lie...I had to quit...so I laid them down and have probably only had one or two or three since.  You know who you are... who was with me when I had them Cass and Brenda!!

Isn't that funny...doing something bad like smoking and couldn't lie...sometimes our priorities are really screwed up.  But maybe that is that little bad to be good...It is so hard trying to be good all the time...as a matter of fact it is impossible...no one (except Jesus) can be perfect all the time...

Why do other people and we ourselves expect perfection...so all of you young ladies out there...all of you mothers...DO NOT EXPECT PERFECTION from you daughters....because it isn't going to happen...instead hope and pray for a little bit....just a little bit of bad...so they can be really good!

TMI

Too much info!!
I love to embarrass my kids and my church kids...and sometimes when I do they will look at me and say "TMI" meaning "too much information"!  They don't want to know all of that! They groan and roll their eyes and gag, the whole bit!

Don't tell them but that's why I keep doing it. 

Greg on Sunday preached about too much info...the scripture came from Exodus when Moses hid in a cleft of a rock and God passed by.  God knew he couldn't handle it...if he saw all of him he would die...it would be TMI...more than Moses could handle...  He could only see his back as he passed by.

I have decided that's my problem.  I want all the info and I want it now!  I want to know where I will end up, I want to know who I'll end up with, and I want to know when this is going to happen!  I want TMI and I want it now....I know what you want to tell me...don't you remember that scripture God keeps throwing at you...that Psalm 46:10...Be still and know that I am God.

I was surprised last week at Disciple Class by Karen... she gave me a plaque that has that scripture on it...It is now sitting right above my computer as I write.  Think I would listen don't you!  Not me...

God knows I,  like Moses can't handle it...maybe he is afraid I will run screaming from the building...you know I have my list of what I want in a man!  Maybe he knows what he has planned for me is nothing like my list...well for now I will be still and try to listen...and keep repeating and quoting Psalm 46:10.

Oh God, I want some TMI!

lyrics soul

You know I love music and lyrics and especially those that touch me.  I keep MTV/VH1 on a lot.  As background music but I stop and listen sometimes.  This morning I danced around while cleaning to "Footloose".  All the dogs could do was sit and stare!!

 

I have been introduced to Mumford and Sons.  This is one of their most recent.  I like it.  Thought I would share. 

 

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I'm afraid of what I will discover inside

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I've seen

Stars hide your fires,
These here are my desires
And I won't give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

But you, you’ve gone too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

roots

Last month at book club we discussed our summer book Roots by Alex Haley.  I must confess I was done  by about the fourth chapter.  But listening to the discussion made me really I want to watch the movie or finish reading the book. 

We discussed our own roots and do we know our family history? Do we know the characters in our own ancestral closets?  I must admit I don't...we know what our parents tell us and usually that lasts just two generations...

I really need to get some of these stories from my mom.  She talks some times about her great grandma and I don't know these people...or much about them...but I need to find out.  I know very little about dad's side the Cook side. 

Who we are, where we end up, and what we become is so relevant to who we came from.  I love the National Public Television show where they track down the roots of famous people.

Roots...we all have them but what tree started them? Think about all of the history we don't know...
Where it all starts and does it end somewhere?

romantic

I am a sucker for romance.
At heart, all girls are, I think.  They want that guys that when they look at him, they just melt.

I am 55 years old and as I was cleaning my house on Saturday I got stopped in my tracks by this song...and it is a country song to boot...but it was on MTV, so that makes it OK.

I thought who would think at your age a song could talk to you!! but being the true romantic I am...it did...and this is just the chorus...

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight
by: Lady Antebellum

Oh boy, next I will be spouting poetry!  Look out!

pups 2

I love this...adopt a dog!

pups

You know I love my pups...you know what I think of Michael Vick...I saw this recently and had to share.

There are times I really hate people and the horrible things they do...then there are days...I am so proud of them!!  I share the sentiment!!

beach baby

Beach baby, beach baby, there on the sand....

I love the beach...as I start looking for where to land...I really think the beach may be calling my name!
I never feel calmer, more at peace than at the beach.

To walk at the ocean and see the vastness and the expanse of the open sea...I feel so small...I feel so humble...

After the divorce I went to the beach...that is where I went to heal...that is where I go to rest...that is where I go to figure it out.

Any question or confusion I have...all seems to disappear at the beach and it is so simple...it is so plain to see.  The answer is right in front of me.

I want to go back to the beach...real bad...I want to go back.

God woke up

I needed a little funny this morning so thought I would share another "God Went to Beauty School" story from Cynthia Rylant...I love this book.

God Woke Up
And He was groggy
so He got a nice cup of coffee
and went to sit
under an apple tree.
He sat there
drinking His coffee
listening to the birds, when all of a sudden
it hit Him.
He was happy.
God was happy!
And he wished there
was just someone to see it.
He'd gotten such a bad rap
all these years
for being pissed off
all the time.
And He really wasn't.
Maybe a little cranky.
But here He was,
happy.
Mellow yellow.
The birds were singing
and He was at peace.
Buddha told Him it
could be this way,
but He'd never really
believed it until now.
Life really was easier,
sitting under a tree.

I just love reading about this God.  My God that I imagine has quite the personality...so these sort of fits right in with my idea of God!  I told someone just the other day I think God has a wicked sense of humor.  I see him as really mischievous.  Loving but full of spunk!  He does things some times and snickers under his breath.  There is a definite twinkle in his eye. 
You go God!

moms

OK..it had to happen some time!  My boys warned me against this...but I have to spit it out...I have to say it...I have to talk about it...the relationship between a mother and daughter. 

Since I don't have girls it is hard for me to see it from the mother side...but I have a mother...so I can tell it to you from the daughter side!

My mom is a fireball...people describe her as feisty...and that is something, I think I inherited from her.  I should make a list of her good qualities because she has many.  But I seem to focus on the negative...so therapy is needed!

My roommate on the recent beach trip and I sat up one night talking and the topic of therapy came up.  She said her therapist asked about her controling mother.  It made me wonder why my counselor and I never talked about my mother.  I am sure she is all-over a lot of why I am the way I am. (talk about a sentence that made no sense!)

To give you an example of my mother and the thing that drives me nuts about her.  My entire life she has been on me about my weight.  I am too heavy...I need to walk to get some of that weight off...I have such a pretty face...she told her heart doctor, with me in the room, "tell her she needs to lose about fifty" I know this guy...Awkward!...you probably know the drill.  So I recently lost 90...check it out 90 pounds....what does she say?  NOTHING!! NADA...NIL...I've seen her several times...gone to lunch, eaten healthy...NOTHING...Recently we were sharing money woes....she said to me..."I think you feed those dogs and not yourself, you look awful."  So there is no pleasing her....if I am fat she is unhappy and if I am skinny she is unhappy...get my drift...and we wonder why we are so screwed up!!!

Boys, forgive me now for any craziness I bring to your life and your upbringing...I always told Mac to tell me when I was acting like my mother and when he would call me Jerry...I would get so pissed...apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it!!

We always say we will never be like our mothers and it never fails... we are more like them the older we get!!! ( I just realized I write with a lot of exclamation points...or maybe it is just the topic!!)
I hope I always remember those good things about her and those are the traits I bring to the table the older I get.  Boys, remember your mother loves you and thank God I didn't have a daughter!!

lists

If you know me...I am a list maker!  I make lists for everything...
Want to know what I am going to do today...there is a list...one for home...one for work...one for church...I laugh about people being anal and needing to go with the flow...and I am awful...I find them everywhere.  I journal and have for many years...I am afraid when I die my kids will get a real eye opener about their mom !!  But they will also find books of lists...what I did every day for years!

I was looking through an old book this morning and saw a note:
Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself...Could you find 20? I had actually written them in the margin of the book.   These are things I like about me...you may find them annoying!!

1. Positive attitude
2. Not evil or revengeful
3. Laugh a lot
4. I like my eyes
5. my faith
6. love God
7. love kids
8. love animals
9. willing to take a risk now and then
10. confident
11. love family
12. survivor
13. love friends
14. love to read and love knowledge
15. forever learner
16. step out and try it once
17. love of music- all kinds
18. art and love to try new things...love to go to museums (oops this probably should be 21)
19. OK to be alone
20 can stand on my own

So, make your list...What are 20 things you like about yourself?  Maybe tomorrow I will share one of my other lists! 

children's sabbath

Today is the celebration of Children's Sabbath.  On this Sunday the children of our church take over the -service.

This Sunday is set aside to bring into focus  issues that children face but sometimes one of the biggest issues is having them seen in church!  Church is NOT important to parents or children...Sunday afternoon football games are SO MUCH more important...make sure you explain that to God one day when he asks why you didn't teach your children the importance of his word...why they don't know about him...football games are more important!

OOOOps, a pet peeve of mine...
In honor of Children's Sabbath please read the following litany.

God did not call us to succeed,
God called us to serve.

God did not call us to win,
God called us to live for God.

God did not call us to be happy,
God called us to be hopeful.

God did not call us to fame,
God called us to faith.

God did not call us to seek power,
God called us to seek peace.

God did not call us to loot the earth and each other,
God called us to love our earth and each other.
Amen

Please pray for all children.

God, you call us to the hard work of justice, and we look for an easier task.  You expect us to persist and we want to give up.  You call for courage and we worry about criticism.  You ask us to protect the most vulnerable, and we mostly look out for ourselves and our "own".  Forgive us we pray.  Instill in us determination, persistence, courage and selflessness, that our lives may be a more true reflection of the one we claim to follow and in whose name we pray, your own beloved child Jesus.
Amen

expectations

I told you all about my reunion with sorority sisters.

Well, my roomie and I sat up late the first night swapping divorce stories.
She made the comment (as did another friend over the weekend), we were expected to marry the guy
we were dating when we left college.  We didn't get the chance to experience different men in different dating situations.  I started to object to that thought.  I was an independent woman who did choose what I wanted  and then I realized ...No, she was right.

Wait, it was the 70's...it was women's lib...it was women going to work in a man's world.  WHAT!
I was free...it was an age of sexual freedom...I lived with Mac before I married him...in quiet of course...we could have saved our parents lots of money...but I did marry him because it was expected of me.

What a revelation to me! I wasn't as liberated as I thought...then I continued to think...was it our mothers that expected it of us and we were good little girls and did it?  Did we allow ourselves to be led there by mom? I don't know the answer.

Well guess what...it isn't that way any more...I am looking and experiencing.  I know what I want in a man...sometime I am sure I will share it!  Once again, I turn to books as I try to figure out what I really want and expect in a man and in a partner.  This time there will be no settling...this time I will get it right.

There are red flags early on in a relationship.  When Mac left me standing in Ritter park because I said something he didn't like and drove off in MY car only to brag about it later...I should have known how selfish he was...RED FLAG...this time I will take note of those flags! I will listen to my heart and intuition. I will not marry because it is expected.

I can't believe I am finally at that point where I am thinking along these lines...I guess you can tell I am slowly coming back to life.

It isn't easy at 55 and sometimes I wonder if I even want to but I loved being married and being with a man.  I enjoy the company of men. I want a partnership...where two people bring all the good they have together to make a union.

I am printing up those checklists and will start sharpening my pencil!!

breasts

I saw a billboard the other day and it took me forever to figure it out...when I did I was like....ahhhhh...I get it!  It was a billboard of a pink Cadillac with big headlights (that's the hint!).  and it said "Get the girls a check up"....October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month.  

During our weekend at the beach we walked in a Breast Cancer walk.  That was the first time I had walked in one.  The local walk is always on the same weekend as our church flea market.  It felt so good!  You felt like you were doing something....two of our sisters are actively battling BC now...a friend of a friend is battling BC...my friend Kathie recently passed away and the BC alert for me is high.  There are five sisters in my mom's family...all have had breast cancer, none have passed away due to the cancer.  They are all thriving into their 80's.

To hear someone say "Breast Cancer"  turns your blood cold.  There were 22 of us together last weekend and as discussing the statistics we realized two to three of us would be suffering from the disease before we die.  What a scary thought.

I have lost 90 pounds and am amazed at how most of it is in my boobs...I feel things in there I've never felt before and believe me I feel myself up all the time...checking for lumps.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month....so be like all of those men who are always aware of our breasts! and check them out...feel them up..better yet...have someone else feel them up! Know your breasts...know when there are changes in them...and have any changes checked out...if you don't feel comfortable with the change keep demanding something be checked.  We all want to be with you for a long time!

get it in gear

I haven't written forever!  I have been basking in the glory of a great weekend.

Last weekend I flew to Myrtle Beach with a college friend and we met up with 20 young (in spirit) women that we lived with 35 years ago.  They were my sorority sisters at Marshall University.  We were all members of Alpha Xi Delta sorority.  What a weekend.  On the way, I reconnected with my roommate.  How sad...we live in the same state and didn't even keep in touch.  No longer!

We laughed on the way down...what if we don't recognize each other...NO WAY!  We had not changed much at all.  A few more wrinkles, a few more grey hairs (for some of us!) but basically we were the same.

The comment was made by one of the planners...when putting it together and looking at every one's facebook page to get addresses...they were amazed at all the good we do in the world.  We are all involved in charities, giving our time to our causes, and involved in our churches. 

Why?  The background we all had at the sorority prepared us.  We were always asked to give back with  our valuable time, we were asked to go to church, especially at important times...while looking back through my pledge scrapbook...I realized, I had church bulletins from pledge retreats, and special weekends.  We were required to be active in the college and the life of the college.  Say what you will about sororities...they prepare you to give back...to be active...to care.

Who would have thought while we were griping about having to do things, while we were whining about "do I have to!" and while we were partying and having a good time...something was forming within our character!

We had a wonderful weekend catching up on each other and we contributed back to the Myrtle Beach community by walking in a Breast Cancer Walk at Murrel's Inlet.  I told my divorce story the first night sitting around the dining room table... I was surrounded with love and support. One of our girl's mother died while we were together and she too was surrounded by love at such a difficult time.

We promised to never lose track again and to look for others we've lost track of. 
We are still influenced by a group of women brought together by a twist of fate and a touch from God.  He brought us together at times in our lives when we need each other.  He reconnected us.  We have been blessed for a second time.